Who Women Over 60 Just Won’t Date! transcript

We're not gonna take it. No, we ain't gonna take it. Yeah, that's that that's the anthem, isn't it? Every woman over 60 who's done being nice and polite just saying that line in her head because somewhere between menopause and grandkids and, oh, he should really smile more, we realized, yeah, we're not going to take it anymore. Last week, we talked about what men over 60 don't want in a woman. That episode hit number one that week, and apparently the fellas were ready to vent.

But today, we're flipping it. This time, it's the ladies turn because women over 60, we've done our time. We've raised kids and run households, juggle jobs, and reinvented ourselves probably more times than most people change phone plans. And we're not signing up for the same nonsense again. This time around, we're talking about the stuff that we will not tolerate anymore. Not the little quirks. I'm not talking about how he chews or whether he watches too much golf.

I mean the patterns, the stuff that makes you think, "Oh no, I've already dated this movie and I didn't like the ending the first time." So today, we're calling it out. the seven behaviors that make women over 60 quietly push back the chair, smile politely, and decide that dessert can wait. Because at this stage, peace is sexy, joy, non-negotiable. And if he's not bringing either one to the table, we're not going to be sticking around to teach him how to do it.

If that sounds at all interesting, I hope you'll stick around because that's what's on the agenda. You're on date three. Things are going fine. You ask him something totally normal, like what he's looking for or how his last relationship ended, and suddenly it's like you asked him to explain cryptocurrency while doing a handstand. He either shuts down completely, gives you the vaguest answer known to man, or launches into a 20inut TED talk about how his ex was crazy.

Every problem her fault. Every fight she started it, every issue in the relationship could have been avoided if she'd just been more reasonable. Zero self-awareness, zero accountability, just her ruining everything apparently. And the kicker, he doesn't see the pattern. He doesn't notice that his last three relationships all ended with him being the victim and three different women being difficult. Just bad luck, I guess. wrong women over and over again.

Oh, and this one's special. You're having a perfectly nice conversation. You mention that he seems a little stressed and he snaps at you like you just accused him of embezzlement. He can't name what he's feeling beyond fine or tired. Can't tell you what he needs. Can't have an actual conversation when somebody's bothering him. Just shuts down or gets weirdly defensive about questions that you weren't even asking. One woman told me that her date got really quiet about halfway through dinner.

And she asked him if everything was okay. This was like date four. And he said, "I'm fine." Like 15 minutes of silence later. He said, "I just don't like being interrogated." She'd asked one question, one. And apparently that qualified as enhanced interrogation. Women over 60 aren't signing up to decode a grown man's silence for the next six months while he, you know, sulks around expecting you to magically know what's wrong.

They want someone who can say, "I'm frustrated." Because instead of treating every feeling like a classified government intel, emotional intelligence isn't a luxury. It's not some bonus feature that women request to make things harder on you. It's the thing that makes an actual relationship possible. And if he thinks talking about emotions is something that women invented to complicate his life, yeah, she already knows that she's mentally swiping left.

Not because she's picky, but because she knows how this ends, and she's not doing it again. He goes to the same three restaurants, orders the same thing every time, watches the same shows on the same night, and lives the exact same routine pretty much that he's had since the I don't know, long time. You suggest trying some new place, right, that just opened up. Everybody's raving about it. And he says, "Why? We already know that we like the other one." You mention a weekend trip and he acts like you just proposed hiking the Appalachian Trail with no map and a Ouija board for navigation.

You bring up a concert or a festival, literally anything. And before you even finish the sentence, he's already listing reasons why parking would be impossible and crowds are just going to ruin it. And wouldn't it just be easier to stay home? Every suggestion gets resistance. Every new idea gets treated like a personal inconvenience. And somehow you're the unreasonable one for wanting to do something besides the same rotation of predictable activities that he's been recycling for ages.

I had a client who suggested they take a cooking class together just for fun, something different. He looked at her like she'd suggested they join the circus. He said, "We already know how to cook." I thought that was funny. The point is to try something new together, but he didn't see it that way. To him, it was an unnecessary effort, and they could just watch TV and cook at home like they did every other Saturday night.

Women over 60 know how fast time moves. They've been to funerals for people who kept saying, "Maybe next year," until there wasn't a next year. They've watched friends put off the trip, the class, the things they always wanted to try until it was too late. So, when she meets a man who's already decided that trying new things is too much trouble and life is just about coasting until the credits roll, she's probably not going to wait around with him.

Adventure doesn't mean base jumping or learning to kite surf in your 60s. It means being willing to try the new Thai place, say yes to a day trip, and being open to suggestions without acting like she just asked you to donate a kidney. Show her that life with you won't be one endless rerun of the same Tuesday night. Because nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to feel like Tuesday night is forever. He shows up to date number six looking like he got dressed in the dark during a power outage.

His shirt is stained. His shoes look like they maybe should have been retired when flip phones were still a thing. His hair may or may not have been combed this month. Genuinely unclear. And when you gently, very gently, suggest that maybe he could put in a little effort next time, he acts like you just asked him to audition for the Bachelor. What's wrong with the way I look? This This is just who I am, Nancy. [laughter] Cool.

Who you are is someone who's given up and apparently decided that everyone else should be fine with it. He thinks grooming is optional. Fashion is shallow and nobody's paying attention anyway, so why bother? Meanwhile, you spent an hour getting ready and he didn't even notice. You could have showed up in a ball gown or sweatpants and his reaction would have been identical. You picked an outfit. You did your hair. You put on a little jewelry and he showed up looking like he lost a fight with his laundry basket and decided to wear the laundry basket's choice.

It's not about vanity. It's not about him needing to look like he stepped out of a cologne ad. It's about effort. It's about showing up like this matters, like she matters. When a man stops taking care of himself, it sends a message. It's says that he's checked out, that he's decided that the good part of life is over, and now he's just running out the clock in elastic waistbands and denial. My gals over 60, they haven't stopped taking care of themselves.

They're still putting thought into how they look and trying to stay active, playing pickle ball, still trying to feel good in their own skin. And they're not expecting perfection, but they are expecting somebody who looks like he hasn't given up. Show up like you still care. Clean clothes that fit this decade. Basic grooming. Shoes that aren't held together by muscle memory. The bar isn't high. We're talking about looking like somebody who's still participating in his own life instead of somebody who's already ghostwritten his own eulogy.

First date, glass of wine. Simple enough. Check comes and he looks at it like it's a ransom note. Then he looks at you and he says, "Should we split this?" or worse, he pays, but you can feel that there's some level of resentment radiating off him, like heat from asphalt in August, like he just performed a charitable act, and you should probably write a thank you speech. Or he he makes a big production out of splitting everything down to the exact penny, like your business partner's settling quarterly expenses instead of two people trying to see if there's a spark between you.

I had a client tell me that her date asked her to Venmo him for parking. $4, $2 each. He actually pulled out his phone midate and sent her a request while they were still sitting in the car. She told me that she sat there staring at the notification thinking, "This can't be real. This is a fever dream." [laughter] Another woman went to lunch with a guy who insisted that they split the check. Then he pulled out a calculator to make sure it was exactly even.

Not even his phone calculator, a real calculator. She told me, "I just kept thinking this is what dating him would be like forever. Every meal, every outing, somebody always keeping score." Women over 60 have their own money. Most of them, most of them are financially stable. They're not looking for somebody to bankroll their lives, but they are paying attention to how he handles this moment because how a man handles paying tells you how he handles a lot of things.

Is he gracious about it? Does he offer without making it weird? Does he treat like it's a normal part of getting to know somebody? Or does he turn every interaction into a transaction where somebody's keeping score and somebody's already losing? Generosity signals partnership. It signals that he sees this as mutual, as building something. Stinginess signals scorekeeping. It signals resentment. And women aren't interested in being audited every time they go to dinner.

Oh, he's not interested in anything new. He doesn't read or explore new ideas, doesn't pick up any new skills. He just kind of repeats the same opinions that he formed 20 years ago, and he sees no reason to question them. You mention something that you're learning about, a class that you're taking maybe or a book you're reading. You show him an article or bring up a topic and he dismisses it without really even engaging because he's already decided what he thinks about that.

The problem is he stopped growing and stopped being curious and he stopped asking questions. When people decide that they're done, that they already did all the interesting stuff that now it's just maintenance mode. One woman told me that she mentioned that she was taking a photography class to a guy I matched her with and he said, "Well, what's the point of that? Everybody's got a camera on their phone now." like the point was professional-grade photos and not just learning something new, trying something, meeting some new people, and having a reason to leave the house besides groceries and doctor's appointments.

He just couldn't figure it out. He didn't get it because to him, if it doesn't have an obvious practical application, why bother? Learning for the sake of learning. That's for suckers. Or college kids, same thing. [laughter] A lot of women over 60 are still interested in growing. A lot of my gals still picking up new interests and exploring things that they just didn't have time for when they were, you know, busy with the life that they had before this one.

They're not slowing down. They're finally maybe speeding up some of them. They've got time now and they're going to use it. And they're not interested in spending the rest of their lives with somebody who peaked three decades ago and has been living off that highlight reel ever since. You know, people who stop learning stop being interesting. They run out of things to talk about. Every conversation becomes the same greatest hits on repeat.

And you're trapped in the audience pretending you haven't heard this one 17 times. What happens is that at some point she realizes she's not having a conversation. She's just the unpaid audience for a man who's been telling the same stories thinking that that counts as a personality. Stay curious. Pick up something new. Read something that challenges what you think. Ask her about what she's learning instead of assuming you already know everything worth knowing.

Show her that you're still becoming something instead of just being done. He has no friends, no hobbies, no social life outside of work, just empty space where interests and connections and a life should be. They don't like that. And the second you start dating, he wants to fill all of it with you. Like you're not a person. You're a subscription service he signed up for. He wants to spend every free moment together. And it gets weird when you make plans with your friends.

Kind of acts heard and says that, "Oh, you need a night to yourself like you just told him you're moving to Alaska and changing your name." Turns every boundary into a test of whether you really care about him. And within a couple weeks, you're his entire social calendar, his entertainment committee, and his emotional support system, and his reason for having an opinion about something, anything. And it feels less like love and more like a job that you didn't really apply for, has no benefits, a boss who keeps asking you if you're mad at him.

I had a a client once who went on a few dates with this guy and he started texting her every morning also every lunch break and every evening. And it wasn't just hi, it was full conversations and he expected responses of full engagement. And when she couldn't and didn't right away because she was, you know, like having a life, he'd send her follow-ups like, "Everything okay? Did I say something wrong? Hey, you still there?" She told me, "I I felt like I'd been hired to manage his emotional state full-time." A lot of women over 50 still have lives and friends that they've had for a long time, and they're finally getting to explore some of that now that they have the time to be social again, right?

They want a man who also has the same. Because when somebody doesn't have their own life, they don't add to yours. They drain it. They make you responsible for their happiness and their social existence, their entire reason for getting out of bed in the morning sometimes. And that's not partnership. That's neediness. So have your own friends and your own world and hobbies. You need to create a life that actually exists whether she's in the room or not.

Same for both men and women, obviously. Turn her on to something new. That's always so exciting in a partner. And remember that space isn't rejection. It's oxygen in relationships needed to survive. Oh, nothing's ever quite right. The restaurant's too loud. Right? We've heard this one. We know this person. The traffic was terrible. Weather's bad. Oh, his back is killing him. Work's been a disaster this week. And don't even get him started on his kids or neighbors or whoever is in charge of road construction in this godforsaken city.

[laughter] Every date becomes a list of grievances. all your phone calls, your text messages, it's venting about everything that's disappointing him. And you're just sitting there thinking, is there anything literally anything that this man enjoys? Debbie Downers come in dude form. They're just as draining. So guys, find some balance. Vent sometimes. Sure, everybody needs to blow off steam, but you got to mix it with gratitude and with humor, with some kind of perspective that isn't just endless negativity.

Nobody likes negativity. Not full-time, for sure. The women are trying to choose joy. And if he can't find any, then they're going to find it with somebody else. And that's it. Women over 60 aren't asking for perfection. They're just asking for a partner who's still showing up to his own life. Some guys have all of this, right? They have an all down pat. Others need more work. Some are emotionally available and still curious about the world.

Generous without keeping score and still growing. Has his own life. can see what's good. But if he's not that, she's not gonna stick around trying to turn him into that because the only person you can change is yourself. And women over 60 learned that lesson a long time ago. All right, I hope you found that interesting. If you did, you might want to check out the episode, The Flip Side of This Story, The Fellas Version.

Hey, before you go, please give my little mama here the thumbs up. She's been refreshing the page like she's I waiting for lottery numbers. And don't forget to subscribe because if women over 60 aren't taking it anymore, nobody should have to. Appreciate you hanging out with me today and until next time, have a good one.