The Problem With The "Soft Life" Women Are Being Sold transcript

The Wizard Liz and Belle Burton. What do these two women have to do with each other? And why in the hell do they have me sitting down here today to talk to y'all? Let me explain. I have been ruminating a lot on the state of womanhood and the ideas that we are being sold. And I'm sure that it's happening because we're at a place in the economy that is so unstable that it is making women vulnerable enough to start to sell us this idea again that somehow the answer to all of our problems is just to marry a rich man and to be a stay-at-home wife and mother that yearns for nothing more but to be in service of her family and her man.

The [ __ ] is weird. I've had something to say about it for a very long time, but the situation with these two women that are on very opposite sides of the spectrum have essentially given me the space to talk about it. Today's video I'm probably going to get a little bit more heated because this is a topic that I feel very passionately about. So don't mind me if there's a lot of cussing and fussing and stronger opinions than you might be used to seeing me have.

But at the end of the day, I'm here for my girls to make sure that we are good in this life. Why learn hard, unnecessary lessons if we can take notes from the women that have come before us, apply them to our lives, and save us just a little bit of heartache. So with that being said, let's talk about the wizard. The Wizard Liz is a YouTuber that I was actually unaware of. She hadn't come across my desk for a while. The Wizard Liz, as she is known online, is 27 years old and she had her rise to fame fairly quickly.

Her first video that she ever posted essentially went viral where she was sitting on the ground of a hotel bedroom telling girls that the reason why they're not achieving in life is because they need to take responsibility for their own actions. Take control over their own destiny, have their own motion, don't depend on anybody for anything. And the way that she was talking, how forward she was, and frankly how beautiful she was, because we cannot not address the pretty privilege of it all really appealed to a lot of people.

I think a lot of women at the time were used to this flowery girl boss, you can do it, babe kind of language and they didn't have somebody that would just be honest with them. She kind of felt like that best friend that wasn't going to lie to you and was going to be harsh, but it was stuff that you knew you needed to hear. I don't think that I am quite Wizard Liz's uh target demographic, I guess you could say, because as I learned about her, and I only learned about her after the scandal, I guess you could say, of what has happened to her, but as a one very grown woman to a person that has gone through a lot in my life and has done a lot of healing around the things that has happened to me in my life, and me and Liz actually have very similar childhood wounds and just wounds in general, I can overly relate to her.

And because I can overly relate to her, watching her content lets me know that there was a lot of things that she had not yet healed in herself and was outsourcing her healing to her audience on accident and was finding validation in being able to help women move past their circumstances and was able to be the big sister or the figure in women's lives that maybe she wishes that she had. But the problem is is that you are doomed to repeat the mistakes of your parents, of your past, of your upbringing. if you don't do very hard work to fix it.

The biggest thing that Liz would talk about with her audience is making sure that if you were going to partner with a man that that man needs to have money. And I don't necessarily disagree with that, but I knew that it was a red flag when she would talk about how she wouldn't even know if she really liked somebody until they gave her ex. So, she had a previous partner and she said, "I didn't even really know if I liked him until he gave me $10,000.

He gave me a Rolex." He had to give her something. there was some type of providing or showing that he's willing to give up the resource of money in order to be with her. And that's what made her feel [music] safe. That's what made her feel loved. And if the key to your heart, I'm talking to you, dear viewer, that's watching this. If the key to your heart is something monetary, and once you receive something monetary from somebody, that's when your heart can maybe start to soften to somebody, that is a waving big fat red flag because your body and your brain is not attuned to love and safety and passion and partnership without some type of monetary exchange happening.

From what I observe in Liz, it feels like money equaled safety. The fact that you are willing to give up a resource in order to be with me, I think made her feel safe. But the problem is is that when you don't take the time to take really hard, long looks at yourself. And when your environment reinforces the way that you are, because this girl was not hurting for she had millions of followers, still does. Millions of young women that look to her to be their mentor to tell them like what was right, what was wrong in so many ways in life.

And your love life is like relatively okay. It doesn't make you want to have to change anything in a meaningful way. And then you meet the nice guy. You meet the nice guy that seems like he's different from everybody else. The one that seems like he was written in the stars for you. The one that seems so perfect, but in reality, he's just mirroring you. And you can't see it because on top of having the financial means and taking care of you financially in the way that you feel like you deserve, in the way that you want, you also have a person that is what seems to be a master manipulator.

They moved really fast in their relationship. I don't even want to give a man a name. He seems like aing loser from what I can tell in my personal opinion. Allegedly, of course, he got Liz once she got pregnant and once he promptly cheated on her about 4 months into her pregnancy, she left and now she's going crazy fighting with him over custody because she's not American. It's this whole thing. My heart hurts for her a lot because it exposes this flawed ideal that if you're hard enough on men, if you're hard enough on yourself, if you make his pockets hurt, if you hold your standards so so so so high, you will be impervious of being hurt.

You will be impervious to being betrayed. And that kind of slides us into the bell burden of it all. Now, on the complete opposite side of the spectrum, I just got done reading this book called Strangers. And I think that Strangers and Belle's story more so closely aligns with the trad wife of it all. Because while Wizard Liz was more of our modern-day girl boss, I take no [ __ ] And then damn, she just ended up getting got, Belle Burn is actually is the narrative that is being sold to us right now is what we should want and desire and aspire for.

Belle came from generational money and she ended up marrying this guy at the time that they were married. Allegedly, according to the research, a couple of articles that I have found, when she married her husband, she was worth upwards of $60 million and he was worth about $200,000. Because of love, she let him talk her into a less advantageous prenup for her, even though her lawyer tried really hard to convince her against it.

They decided to become parents. He during the kids' young childhoods decided that he no longer wanted to take part in the parenting duties outside of I think like taking the son to like soccer practice and like I actually don't know what the else because he literally told this lady I don't do baths, I don't do bedtimes. She was very clear about the fact that like he didn't come to there was no teacher parents school conferences, none of that.

All he did was work. All he did was work and bring home the bacon. And when it was time to buy their homes, she was the one that was putting the money down to invest in these homes. But then she was also paying bills monthly still. And he made her like write down all of her monthly transactions and like to the letter and explain everything. And when she's explaining it, it's like we're getting into financial abuse. Like we're getting into financial abuse territory because she didn't work anymore.

She was a successful attorney before she met him. That's actually how they met. They worked at the same law firm. She actually wanted to start working again during their marriage and he told her no, which is a huge red flag. I understand that the girls are saying, "I don't dream of labor, but you shouldn't damn dream of this. You shouldn't damn dream of being a homemaker and having no personality outside of being a mother and a wife." I think that because of the people surrounding Belle, her upbringing.

She was primed for that to feel like the goal, for that to feel normal. But there's nothing normal about having to explain and justify why you want to get presents for your children that are over a certain amount of money when y'all have hella money. Okay. One day her husband came home uh when she was in her 50s. Co had just started and decided he didn't want to be with her anymore. She found out that he was cheating on her.

At first he was apologetic and then by the next day he said, "I don't want to be here anymore." Broke her heart into a million pieces. He stopped talking to her. His family stopped talking to her. Her life as she knew it fell apart completely. And because she hadn't worked for so long, she had this huge gap in her resume. She didn't know what she was going to do. She was asked out. And the story is presented as like this how disillusioned she was that her husband could ever do that to her, could ever betray her.

And I think that the book was very tough for me because as a person that comes from very little in this life, raised by a single mother who used to be what people would consider a tradife, my mom lived that. She let all of her eggs be in the basket of a man and family. And at the end of it all, by the time that she had me, when she left that marriage, when she raised my sisters and when she essentially ended up raising me on her own, from the time I could conceptualize what words were, she drilled into me that I will never let a man have complete control over me financially because it is one of the biggest mistakes that you will ever make in your life.

Now, before we get into this next section, hear me now. This is the part of the video I have been waiting to sink my teeth into. The fantasy and the farce of tradery. Now, let me start off by saying this. My issue is not with stay-at-home moms. I think that being a stay-at-home mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world. And it is not compensated at all for the amount of work, dedication, time, patience. Like, if you had to compensate a stay-at-home mom for what it would be worth for her to go out in the workforce and do the exact same thing she doing, hell, if she ran up a damn daycare, what you would have to pay a mother is way more than what the father is probably out there making a lot of the time.

But I also think that a lot of for real stay-at-home moms that aren't partaking in this weird bull tide wife fantasy have a deep understanding of the fact that there is a certain level of financial exchange. I stay at home and I take care of these kids. You go to work and you make the money, but that doesn't mean that it's your money and I can't touch it. I can't see it. I can't be a part of it. You steward everything and you just treat me like I'm the damn help.

Like I'm some brainless woman that just walks around your house and takes care of your kids and mops up after you and cleans your piss off the toilet seat and has no complaints. That's nuts. Most stay-at-home mothers, stay-at-home homemakers, not even mothers, still have their eyes on the finances because it is just what is smart to do. On top of that, a lot of stay-at-home moms end up developing some type of side hustle and making even a little piece of money for themselves because they understand that that is the healthiest and smartest thing to do.

I would beg you to find a stay-at-home mother that does not even have a little piece of money tucked away somewhere. And in healthy dynamics and how it should be, the husband isn't doing the whole, "Well, since you don't work, you get no money and here's your allowance." Duh. It's this is our money. You contribute to the household. I go outside of the household in order to make my contribution. But everyone's contribution is equal at the end of the day.

Like being a stay-at-home parent is a risk because it does inadvertently disenfranchise the person and it can very easily become a slippery slope. And the internet paints it as like this just dome. All I do is bake sour and twirl my hair and wear pretty dresses and pick basil from my backyard garden. Like you [ __ ] are living in a fantasy of your own making. Yeah, you are out of here. Like nobody lives like that. Like it irritates me so bad because you are influencing an entire generation of women to be dumb birdrain [ __ ] And here's the thing.

I was going to say bird brain like them, but a lot of them don't even believe the that they're saying because they're stay-at-home wives or whatever the hell. They'll say, "You need a soft life. You need this. You need that." While this hoe is on the internet making money, you get paid to post on Instagram. You get paid to post on Tik Tok. She is making money actively while telling you that you need to be at home doing nothing but having your head empty and waiting until your husband gives you thoughts to think.

Like what the is going on here? And because people are so impressionable and they just like want someone something like a life like that just like feels like, oh my gosh, maybe I finally be able to rest and have peace and like have someone else to take care of me. So they're buying into this [ __ ] fantasy that these people are selling them and it's so [ __ ] irresponsible because they are selling you up a river and they know that they will never have to be around to face the consequences of the actions that they have set in motion to your life up because they wanted a couple dollars and a piece of internet fame.

I told y'all I was going to get real heated. The whole system makes me so angry because we have tr truly gotten to a point where we are popularizing and glamorizing, disenfranchising women financially. It's nuts. And from the past however many minutes, y'all can tell that I am extremely passionate about financial literacy when it comes to my girls. And with that being said, we have the actual perfect sponsor for today's video.

I'm going to transition into a less passionate tone and we're going to talk about today's sponsor. Thank you to Built for sponsoring this portion of today's video. I am so excited to have them as a sponsor on the channel because I'm not playing with y'all. I literally have Built on my phone right now because it is how I pay my rent every single month for my apartment. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Built is a rewards program for your home that rewards you with points every time you make a rent or mortgage payment wherever you live.

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I mean, you got to pay your bills anyway, so why not get some points for it? So, if you would like to learn more about Built, make sure that you check out the link in my description box and make sure that you click my link so that they can know that I sent you. And thank you again to Built Rewards for sponsoring this portion of today's video. Oh, I'm more calm now. And with that being said, let's talk about what relationships are actually supposed to be.

Social media has done a grand old job at turning relationships into transactions. And I'm talking about traderee right now, but I have had a lot of feelings about the red pill manosphere radicalization of our young boys for a very long time. It's not just young boys, it's also grown ass men. I've had a lot of thoughts and because I am a woman, I don't feel as on solid ground to talk about it, even though I have a lot of opinions, but I feel on very solid ground to talk about the woman side of it all because, you know, I'm a woman.

But I say all that to say that because we have split off into these two extremes. We have the sprinkle sprinkle wizard Liz kind of thing over here. Make his pockets hurt. Very female rap. Da da da da. And then we have the men of the manosphere that believe that they have the right to women's bodies and everything that wrong in their life is a woman's fault and her body my choice and I'm not dating a fat girl and she has to be a perfect 10 and just odd on both sides.

Right. a lot of this content because as I've said for 1 million videos in a row at this point, it is in fact that damn phone. We are no longer living life in a lot of ways. We're not getting out there and experiencing. So our understanding of what relationship should be comes a lot from social media. And the algorithm favors extremist content. So you have the women's side of this problem and you have the men's side of this problem.

And both of them are teaching people to try to extract whatever they can out of the other person. And not only how to extract whatever they can out of another person, but how to stay so distant emotionally that no one can ever hurt you. If you just use people to get ahead or to to make yourself feel better, whatever the case, then you still can't get hurt. The thing is is that in order to date and be successful in dating and have relationships, being heartbroken is just [music] kind of a part of the package.

So, when you take all of the humanity out of dating and what it really means to be with someone, we get the dating culture that we have right now, which is extremely empty. When people approach relationships, like, forget people, to my girls, because I'm speaking directly to my girls. When you approach a relationship like a transaction, do not be surprised when he starts treating you like you are something to be bought and sold because you are.

You see him as a wallet. He sees you as a purchase. You didn't enter into this looking for love. And any of these people online that are selling you this pipe dream that you will just find this lucky prince charming man that will just take you up out the hood and rescue you and turn your life into d and all he'll want in exchange is love. [ __ ] A lot of these women that are in these relationships where these men are providing for them and doing for them and they're living these lavish luxurious lives, new Chanel bags every damn day, courtside this, Birkin this, Bentley that.

There's a trade-off 100%. When a man looks at himself as nothing more than a dollar sign, there's no love there, at least not meaningful love. Because you have taught him that in order for you to feel loved, he has to pull his pocketbook out. So he does. You will feel empty. It will not be fulfilling. And if your goal is to have a relationship where you don't actually need to feel love, I guess cuz the Summer Walker lyrics are like in my head like, "So [ __ ] love." I mean, cuz what's love?

What's love, baby? What's love? I I I understand a lot of the girls feel like love is a losing game, so I just might be a hoe. I do understand, but I don't think that it's that a lot of the time. I truly believe that a lot of the time it's just people that are scared to get hurt and so they intake media and try their hardest to figure out how can I love and still not be hurt. And you get this type of content. You get this type of dynamic.

It's empty. Healthy relationships are about give and take. My pastor posted a wonderful real the other day and he talked about how the problem with modern day dating. Actually, I'm just going to let him say it. How about that? >> How I feel about the traditional vows we use on weddings. Like, you know, for better or worse, I think they're too vague. I don't think it paints a clear picture of what you're actually committing to when you get married.

To me, it's just too vague. Cuz what the vows basically speak to is you not leaving. But it doesn't speak in detail to what you're going to do when you stay. And a lot of times people want to leave because of what people don't do or do when they stay. We need to talk about what you commit to do, not just the conditions upon which you commit to stay. Cuz that's what I'm committing to. When I commit to marriage, I'm committing to a lifelong discovery of your evolving needs, lifelong development of the skills I need to meet those needs, and then the lifelong discipline to meet them when I feel like you don't deserve it.

Y'all aren't talking to me in here. So sometimes when we're like, "God, I want to get married." He's like, "No, you don't. Your motive's not right. [laughter] You want a wedding. You want company. You want the bills split in half. You want to be able to marvin gate get it on without guilt. That's what you want. But you don't want to for the rest of your life say I got to discover your evolving needs because they're going to change.

And then when I see what you need and when I see what I'm capable of, I got to be willing to work to develop the skill or become the person to meet that need. So if you need affection and the Bible says render to the wife do affection and I say I'm not an affectionate person. I'm supposed to learn how to be one. You learn how to play golf. You don't go out to the golf course and say I'm not a golfer. You go to the range.

You watch YouTube videos. We do none of that in marriage. Sometimes we're not asking for what we think we asking for. Ted, they tired of me. Put me in Eflat. We out of here. >> Servitude. Servitude. Servitude. That is what we have lost. There is no thought of how can I serve my partner? How can I be a better partner? How can I adjust? How can I love them more? How can I stick beside them through their ups, through their downs?

That's what a relationship is. It's two people building a life together, not people that are focused on what they can get from one another. Like, it's nuts. I'm not going to go on too long of a rant about this, but I did just see the movie Obsession. If you haven't seen it, 10 out of 10, would recommend. But speaking of like the incel of it all and the red pill of it all. I don't want to give away too much, but a central theme of the movie is there is a guy that is in hopelessly in love with this girl and of course doesn't know how to talk to her.

Has no swag, has no RZ, has, you know, nothing, but sets his sights on this like beautiful, well-rounded, charming, cool girl, and decides that his only wish in the world is that she quote loves him more than anybody else on the planet. He gets his wish and she becomes obsessed with him. And it's interesting that when he made the wish, it wasn't like I want to have a healthy, happy relationship. I want to be loved. He wished for obsession.

And I think that it is a very great example of the nuance that we have lost of um thinking that our worlds will be complete and our problems will be solved if only we can find somebody that is obsessed with us. gives us every single monetary thing that we could possibly be craving. That's not love. That's not love. One person being fully invested in you in every way, mind, body, soul, money, wallet, everything is never going to be the answer.

Even though it sounds appealing, it's just [music] not. That's why this whole hypergamy thing is such a [ __ ] lie. The internet keeps on selling this idea that like this one man will come through and save you and your whole life will be better. But why this specifically really irritates me is that like statistically overwhelmingly rich people marry other rich people. If we're talking about like life-changing money, like I'm not talking like someone that's like making like $100,000 a year, doing pretty well for himself, can afford to like take you out, you know, treat you well.

Hopefully you're not willfully misunderstanding me. I am not saying that we should just be dating any old man off the street that has a good heart. I ain't say all that. Now, mama, I think that there is a massive difference between craving to be with someone that you are equally yolked with or someone that has their [ __ ] together. I'm specifically talking about these women that crave a life where they're completely taken care of.

And I guess I haven't cleared up the amount of money that that would take because in my head it's pretty obvious that in order to be in a situation where you are completely taken care of in this economy in 2026, you would have to be a pretty high earner. Very much that. And statistically, overwhelmingly, you marry the class that you are in. The only exception to this from what I understand statistically is if you get yourself a very expensive Ivy League education.

And even then, that just puts you in proximity to the rich kids. I will have to double check on these numbers, but I'm pretty sure like statistically it breaks down to like 5 to 10% of ultra wealthy people end up marrying somebody that is so far out [music] of their financial means. So, statistically, it doesn't make sense. Again, that's why I keep on saying that these hoes is selling y'all a handful of magic beans and y'all are buying it and trying to wish on this freaking magic bean to save your life. when in reality, what is going to save your life is partnering with someone that, like I said, is a solid person and building with them.

I hope that I've made myself clear in this video, but I'm going to say it straight to my girls. No man is coming to save you. A man is not an insurance plan. A man is not a retirement plan. A man should not be a wallet. The goal for your relationships in your life should be to add to your life. They should not become your life. And because I have to because there's like seven men that watch this channel, even though the men that watch my channel are like pretty cool and not like willfully ignorant, I will say that men are not [clears throat] me having to force it out.

Men are not the enemy. I mean that [laughter] it's kind of hard for me to force it out like with especially like because I'm talking to y'all in this way because time history anecdotal evidence, the two women that I literally just used at the top of this video, my own personal life experience, all of those things combined have shown women time and time again that depending on a man just doesn't [music] make sense. Because at the end of the day, it's a man's world.

Men get to move a lot more freely, do what they want without apology, selfishly, and the world is pretty much okay with that. And a lot of the time, women are left to pick up the pieces. The standard to being a good man is pretty low. Like the bar is in hell. So making a man your rescue plan is not smart. It is okay to love men. It is okay to partner with men. I love men. I partner with men. You know what I mean? But men will never be the center of my universe ever because it's just not smart to make anybody besides yourself the center of your universe because everything starts and ends with you.

You cannot pour from an empty cup. And if you do try to pour from an empty cup, if you are trying to attract this love around you because you are so empty inside, it will make your picker horrible. It will skew your ability to see red or yellow flags when they are waving so hard in your face because all your brain can think about is how you don't want to be alone. You don't want to be alone. You don't want to be alone because you're not happy with the life that you have built for yourself.

So your brain is convincing you and not just your brain, society, culture is convincing you that in order to fill that hole, that loneliness, all you need is a man. And not just a man, a man that's going to take care of you. But it is [ __ ] propaganda that is being sold to us because women are finally getting to a point where our standards are so high and we are genuinely saying if you are not adding to my life I don't want you and the reaction to that has been instead of a lot of men rising to the occasion they are trying to manipulate and convince women today that the answer is not to raise the bar higher but in fact is to bring the bar back down to where it used to be back when everybody was happy.

Remember? Remember when you used to stay at home and have nothing and nobody and no interest outside of your husband? Wasn't it so much simpler then? Wasn't it so much simpler to push out 17 kids and just be a homemaker and a wife? I feel like the Regina King meme, like, oh gosh, like I understand how we've gotten here. It just it scares me this lie that we're being sold. It is okay to want partnership, but it has to come from a healthy whole place.

You need to be listening to couples that have been together for 30, 40, 50 years and hear what they have to say. You should be craving partnership. You should be craving companionship. You should not be craving servitude because that's what this is at the heart of it. You need to become a person that you are so in love with because then you'll be so fine with being by yourself because you love yourself. And it also makes you a much better lover.

It makes you a much better friend. And it makes you a much better person when you love yourself wholly and fully. Become a full person instead of asking somebody to complete you. Because the goal is not to find someone to save you. The goal is to become somebody that can save herself. The sexiest thing and the most attractive thing that a woman can ever be is a woman that is so sure and secure in herself because she knows that she will be okay no matter what.

That's it. That's all for this video. I hope that you guys enjoyed. It was a bit more of a rant style. I had so much to say because I'm so passionate on the subject. I want my girls to be okay. Never idolize anybody online, including me, cuz you never know what someone has going on behind the scenes. Be your own [ __ ] goals. Build a life that you are in love with. And it is my deepest honor to be potentially a part of that and helping my girls build that.

I love y'all so much. And with all that being said, I will see you guys super duper soon in the next video. Bye guys. [music] Give you laughing every night and make you my