The Science Behind Masculine Charisma transcript

Which one seems more charismatic? Matthew McConaughey, of course. Now, they're both leaning away, but Ed Sheeran keeps his shoulders raised while Matthew keeps his shoulders relaxed, making us perceive him as more charismatic. According to the public speaker Olivia Fox Cabane, charisma isn't something you're just born with, but a skill you can actually learn once you understand its three core components. Number one, presence.

Books and studies agree that you should focus on the other person during interactions. Good advice, but incomplete. Because if you don't socially calibrate yourself, you can actually seem creepy. Here's an example. >> That's a tremendous outfit. You can only You can only wear that if you have You have lovely lovely well-shaped muscular lengthy lovely legs. >> [cheering] >> And what is that? Is that Is that like >> What did he do wrong?

He started the interaction with a compliment that targeted the below-the-waist area. He entered her personal space before building any comfort with her. And he started while talking, which made the comments even creepier. Now, you may argue that his failure is related to his bad looks. But let's see how Craig Ferguson, a man with similar looks and similar occupation, handles a similar situation in a more charismatic way.

Normally, I can speak. Uh but >> Not today. >> Having a bit of a hard time this evening. Don't know what it is. It's kind of hot in this studio. I'm feeling a little >> Now, he also stuttered a bit, but he didn't invade her personal space and he used an indirect sexual compliment. Now, Craig Ferguson isn't just a master at flirting, he's a master at making women want to flirt back with him. As a recurring pattern, he doesn't just flood a woman with attention, but also takes some distance from time to time. >> I attempt to surf. >> Do you wear a little outfit for surfing? >> Um I happen to be wearing it under my dress right now. >> Really? >> Yeah, do you want to see it? >> Yeah. >> [applause] >> In psychology, this is called the commodity theory.

Basically, the more attention you give, the less valuable it feels. The harder your attention is to get, the more valuable it becomes. Number two, power. Do you know what most of the top 20 law firms in America have in common? They have been trained by a communication team called Johnson & Hunter Inc. And we can actually steal some of their secrets. Let's start with the body movements. You can't hear a word of what he's saying, but you can subconsciously tell that he's not powerful and confident.

When we're nervous, we tend to move more without realizing it. But when we feel confident, we naturally become more still. Now, the good part is that other people can't know how we truly feel inside. They only guess our emotions. So, even if you're not confident, you'll seem more confident by just remaining more still. And it's the same way with gesticulation. Here's an example of how you should not gesture. >> These gestures are small and fast and jerky. >> And now here's an example of how you should gesture. >> As a person who's comfortable, not someone who's nervous. >> Of course, powerful orators tend to also speak a bit slower, making them feel calmer and more in control of the situation.

But I know what you might say. It would be easier to seem confident if you could actually get rid of your nervousness. But for that, we have to step back from the attorney training and take a quick look into medicine. You see, when we become nervous, our bodies activate something called the fight or flight response. That's why we fidget more, get voice cracks, and feel our throats drying up. But in our body, there's a component called the vagus nerve.

Think of him like the anti-fight-or-flight guy. Activating him slows down your heartbeat and calms yourself down. So, throughout the decades, the medical world came up with some quick tricks that can increase his activity. A, the Valsalva maneuver. Basically, trying to breathe out while keeping your mouth and nose closed. But, that only works when you're alone. If you're on a date, I've got a different method for you.

B, prolonged exhales. Apparently, trying to breathe slower with a longer exhale than inhales can also calm you down. Number three, warm. Philip Chesterfield was only 13 when his mother died. His father, although not completely absent, sent him to grow up at his grandmother's house. The best blessings he could have received because his grandmother, Marchioness of Halifax, hosted meetings with some of the most important politicians and social figures of that time.

So, Chesterfield spent his entire childhood listening and learning how to maneuver social dynamics. For him, the rules of charm were simple. To be liked by women, you must be esteemed by men, and to please men, you must be agreeable to women. Now, in the years he spent learning, he discovered that women respond best to compliments. But, a gentleman should not limit himself with mediocre compliments. In his writings, he said that you should seek to praise someone's particular merit, their predominant passion, or their prevailing weakness.

In a few short years, Philip Chesterfield became Lord Chesterfield and one of the most loved courtiers in all of the United Kingdom. Here are some examples of his compliments. For particular merit, if she says something like, "That is my favorite color." You can respond with, "Yeah, I can tell by how you matched your red shirt with the shoes." Very beautiful, by the way. For predominant passion, you can say, "You know, you can be pretty interesting sometimes." And for prevailing weakness, if she wears braces, you can say, "You have a beautiful smile, by the way." Here's a few more examples from my School Community.

If you're a guy struggling to build attraction and falling into the friend zone, click the link in the description and try the community for 7 days for free. But, as Dr. Albert Mehrabian found in 1967, only 7% of communication is verbal. The rest comes from tone and body language. In the book Cues, the communication expert Vanessa Van Edwards revealed the most important warmth cues. By the way, these are the same cues a girl will do if she likes you.

If you want to find even more, check out this video.