I Thought I'd Never See Her Again transcript

This was 2 years ago when I stopped Emily for portraits. Last week we reconnected [music] to chat. >> I was very skinny back then. I had been struggling [music] with food a lot for like many years. >> At the time did you know you were skinny? [music] >> I knew I was. I just didn't really feel like it. That's what mental health will do to you. But like I knew. It was like obvious even looking at the video. >> Did we meet in 2024? >> [music] >> Yes. >> And you were walking out of Whole Foods. >> Yeah.

Full bag of groceries. >> I saw you coming out and I was like Oh my god. I just like knew right away. I get asked all the time, how do you know when you're going to talk to someone? And I always think of you cuz like yours was the one where I saw you and just was like, oh like I need to go talk to her, you know? >> Oh, that's funny. >> [laughter] >> Hey, excuse me. Hey. I do portraits of strangers just all over Portland. >> Oh my god, seriously? >> [laughter] >> Yeah, yeah.

And I'm liking your style. Are you Are you over 18 though? You are? Okay, cool. Would you be interested in some [music] portraits? Oh, that's That looks great. You have such a cool look. Have you ever modeled? >> No, but I really want to. >> [music] >> Let's try one where your like back is to me and you're like looking over your shoulder. So you just turn that and then you look back. Let's try like super serious. [music] See?

That's like straight out of a magazine. I'm excited about these. I don't ever say that either. I'm serious. I really don't. You have such a very unique look. Yeah. >> [music] >> Do your head back. Yeah, yeah. You have cool angles, too. Straight on, you look great. And also from the side. Wow, okay. We got a lot. It was really good. What's your name? >> Emily. >> Emily? Cool, I'm Ryan. >> Nice to meet >> Yeah, great to meet you.

Yeah, I hope you have a good rest of your week. >> Thank you so much. >> What was the feeling like when it all the views and comments are coming in? >> It was awesome. >> Yeah. >> It all felt sort of not real. >> I always wonder about that. I always assume that people feel overwhelmed. Cuz I remember when it first started to me, I felt so overwhelmed, you know? >> Mhm. >> I was like, "What [music] am I doing? I'm going to delete everything." >> No, I was excited.

I thought it was really cool. >> That's what I love to hear. >> Mhm. >> Cuz I assume people are just like, "No, like take it down." >> No, the video I like filmed with this guy got so many views and people were telling me I was cool. It was awesome. >> Okay, cool. >> Mhm. >> [music] >> What's up? >> I remember a lot of the comments on that video were regarding my weight or just being a little bit strange about it. Just like, [music] "I hope she's okay." So many people had eyes on me and they all had opinions, >> [music] >> which is like bad, but that did push me to really start regaining my relationship with the food and my health.

[music] It was kind of a wake-up call. >> You're so good at this. >> [laughter] [music] >> You are like a pro, you know? You got the pro look. You got the pro moves. Yeah, yeah, spin. Yes. And then >> with the comments. I didn't know if it would upset you cuz some of them were like, "I hope she's okay." But then some of them were rude about it. >> Mhm. >> And I was wondering how you felt. >> I do not really mind if people commented on my weight.

It's like I I knew what I looked like. So, nothing [music] really could affect me. And I was already beginning the steps to better myself. [music] So, I was putting in the work that I could. Nothing has ever really phased me in that way. >> [music] >> I used to get criticized like that on any form of social media. So, I just don't really care about the comments. I can't lie. And it's like if they were being mean, it was just like people would be like, "Eat a burger." >> That's the one I would remember.

I like that comment. >> [laughter] >> I've heard that one before. You're not creative. I like the creative ones. >> [music] [music] >> Did you feel like you had support? >> Not really. It was me versus me, really. Like I could have gotten a therapist or gotten help, but I'm too stubborn. Like I didn't really have anyone to hold me accountable, really. But that was also on purpose. Cuz I wanted to [music] do it on my own terms.

And that's kind of like the whole thing with that mental illness is that everything is really on your own terms at the end of the day. You can get help and [music] then in your head be like, "Oh, okay. So, like after I get this help, I'm just going to like go back." Like you really have to like want it. And I did want it at that time. I was sort of done. >> Mhm. >> [crying] >> Was there a moment where you were like, "I want to change"?

Was there like one moment or [music] did it kind of build up to that point? >> It was just It was a lot of moments that brought me there. Just like years and years of not really taking care of myself. I just wanted to be healthy cuz my health was declining. I like didn't have a period and stuff. And it just sort of got to the point in college where I was just like I'm on my own. I could either go down this path and like nothing will fulfill me if I just [music] like lose weight or I could just like eat food. >> You're so good.

I feel like we got a ton. Let's do the psychic sign with [music] you though. We got it. >> [music] [music] >> But I'm I'm glad to be doing better now. And it took a lot of time for me to have it feel normal, you know? Cuz new habits [music] with like food and the gym and caring about myself feels so like robotic at first. Like I had to force myself to Um but once everything just sort of like became [music] more intuitive, then it was easier.

And that did take a while. But I chose my health. Yeah. >> Now look at me. >> [music] [music] >> Mhm.