angry at joshua david evans transcript

Every morning without fail, I walk past one of these like tourist groups where they have someone at the front like holding like some sort of sign or flag to let everyone know where to walk to. And I always think it's really cute. It reminds me of the Lizzie McGuire movie, which by the way, I would say is one of the best movies of all time. But anyways, hello. I hope you're all doing very well. I am going to Brighton again today because we have to move more stuff and I have a hair appointment at 2:00 p.m. and it's currently 12:00 p.m.

This is this is now officially the start of my VidCon prep because VidCon is only in a couple days which is absolutely [ __ ] insane. So checklist is to get my hair done, going to get my nails done even though I only recently got them done but I am just going to get them done again. Maybe the same color or maybe a different color. I don't know. Just so I feel like well put together. I want to find some new outfits and then I need to buy all of my new toiletries and all of the stuff that I'm going to be bringing with me.

But anyways, yeah, it is in a couple days. I cannot believe it. It has just crept up. I feel like I was always under the belief that it was so far away. And that is just not true at all. Summer is here. It is hot here today in London. I'm currently walking to my favorite coffee shop to get my favorite coffee before I make my way down to Brighton. I missed my first train because I slept in a little bit today. I woke up at 11:00 today, which is actually late for me now.

So, I'm going to be arriving into the station. Oh, there's always some [ __ ] ass performance going on in Covent Garden. I'm going to get into Brighton at 2:00 p.m. and my appointment is at 2:00. So, I'm going to need to run to the hairdressers, but we'll see. So, anyways, time for coffee. Okay, I have made it to the train station, but I have a question for all of you. So, right behind me here is one of these like tur buses where they go around cities and sightsee.

Would anyone be interested in me doing that? I know I live here and it's kind of lame, but is anyone interested in like us spending a day where we sightsee around London on a bus? Please let me know because the weather's getting really good. I mean, we can sit on like the top of it, but anyways, I just think that that would be really fun. It's kind of something I want to do. So, I'm like just needing validation that people would enjoy it.

But yeah, I'm at Victoria Station right now, which is in such a good area cuz Wicked is right over here. And my train is in 10 minutes. I just went and I got some water. I got a little soda. And it's going to take like 50 minutes to get to Brighton. And again, I'm going to be arriving very, very, very close to when my appointment is, but I'm just going to [ __ ] rush. I'm just going to [ __ ] rush to it. And it's my hair stylist who's been doing my hair since I was 18.

I love her so much and she always makes me feel very confident whenever I leave as well. And I also just love talking to her and she's seen me through every era of my life. Blonde, red hair, chopped, unchopped, it is what it is. She's a baddie as well. I love her. But anyways, yeah, I will let you know whenever we are on the way to Brighton, but I'm going to walk to the gate right now. >> Keeper traveling on the Gatwick Express.

Uh, it's important for all passengers on board service to please make sure you have your belongings with you as you leave the train. Okay, so the train was delayed a little bit, so I'm late for my appointment, which is very [ __ ] annoying. It is currently 2:05, so I called and said that I'm going to be 5 minutes delayed because I don't like saying anything longer than that. And they just said that that's going to be fine.

So, anything past this means I'm late. I'm running. It is fine. It is raining. The weather is terrible, but hopefully I'm going to make it there very soon. for my hair appointment. So, wish me luck. I forget where the studio is. I forget where the studio is. Oh my god. Okay, it's 6:06, which means I'm 6 minutes late, but technically by my senders, I'm 1 minute late. Let's go. Well, what do we think? I got my hair done by my amazing hair stylist, who I love.

She has been doing my hair since I was like 18 years old. She's so great. Actually, the person who does my hair in London right now was actually the person that trained her, which is crazy. And I think she's the manager of the Brighton branch and he's the manager of the London one. And it was just by some coincidence that the first ever appointment that I made in London happened to be done by the person who trained my London, no Brighton hair stylist.

So, I love it. It's all fluffed up right now because we diffused it with a diffuser. But I like it and I'm step one ready for VidCon with my haircut. I'm excited. And I'm also happy because last year when I went to VidCon, I actually wasn't supposed to go, but again, Rosanna and Mike called me like the day before VidCon. Actually, the night before VidCon. I've told this story before and they were like, "Hey, we're able to get you a full access pass.

Can you make it to LA?" And I was in New York and I was like, "You know what? I'm going to book a flight and I'll be there in the morning." So, I did like a redeye flight and I made it for VidCon the next day. But the thing was, I didn't have any outfits. I didn't have any time to do my nails. I didn't have any time to do my hair. So, I was a little bit chop central, you know, at VidCon last year. I wasn't prepared to go.

I didn't have any outfits and like I said, my nails were all chipped off. I looked my hair was all over the place. So, I'm hoping to redeem myself this year. I still looked a little bit cute, but not as my final form. Really excited because the weather, by the way, is terrible today. It's so overcast. But I'm so excited because I was like, you know what? I really want to go to like a Korean barbecue place and I wonder if there's any in Brighton and apparently there's a really good place.

So I messaged in my group chat with my friend Lexi, Steph, Glue, Kane, and Liv. And I was like, is anyone maybe wanting to do Korean barbecue tonight? And Steph said yes, Kane said yes, Lexi said maybe. So I think we're going to do that at like 6:00. So I'm really excited. But whenever I got back into my apartment and I was looking at stuff, I saw all of these things that I brought back from Japan unopened. They are Sunny Angels.

Now, I had actually bought these for someone I know who I don't speak to anymore. So, I am going to open them. And I'm so excited because I feel like I have like this little present. Like I have this little experience from Japan that I didn't know that I was going to have. But yeah, I'm able to open these cuz I'm not going to give them to the person who they were for cuz I don't speak to them really anymore. So, let's open them.

I'm excited. These are all hippers because the person had asked me for specific ones. The hippers are the ones that like cling on to, you know, like a phone or an iPad or a Kindle or whatever, like at the top. Some people love Sunny Angels, some people hate them. For me, they just remind me of being in Japan and therefore I like them. So, I have the Sunny Angels Dreaming series. So, it is all the different little dreaming Sunny Angel babies.

I have Sunny Angels looking back series. This one is different animals. Monkey, rabbit, fawn, mice, crocodile, duck, sloth, hamster, cat. I'm excited for this one as well. I have one of each. I have Sunny Angels. This is the harvest series. So, it's all different kinds of fruits. Then I have this one which is Sunny Angel Animal Series. So, this is a bunch of different horse, gorilla, lion, buffalo, peacock. I'm excited for that.

And then we have this one, which is rabbit, lion, pig, sheep. So, I am very, very, very excited right now. So, let's open these. So, first let's start with sunny angel. This is the harvest one. So, the options are cherry, melon, pineapple, carrot, strawberry, pear, grape, mushroom, apple, radish, eggplant, or tomato. I would love the tomato one, but I haven't really been seeing people get them. I just love the tomato one because we love tomatoes.

I don't know if I'm going to get it, but I would love to get the tomato one or the mushroom one or the car is really cute. But let's see which one we're going to get. I remember buying these. I bought these on one of my last days and I went into the toy shop in Ginsza, I think it was. I remember the day cuz I wanted to get them before I left. All right, let's see what we get. Let's see what we get. Okay, I'm so excited.

What are we going to get? What are we going to get? What are we going to get? What are we going to get? OH, I got it. I GOT THE CARROT. THAT'S THE ONE I WANTED. I wanted the carrot or the tomato. I love it. So, this like clings on to like your phone or something like that. I like it. This is so cute. Look at the little carrot. Oh my god. Okay. Okay. This is fun. This is fun. This is fun. So, this one is the animal series horse, goat, gorilla, hippopotamus, lion, anteater, shiba inu.

Is that how you say that? Dog Fraserabber has one of them. Cat, buffalo, peacock, alpaca, cheetah, and two secret ones. Okay. I would love the cheetah or I kind of I kind of just I'm I'm just going to confidently say that I want the cheetah. I'm unaware. I'm unsure if I'm going to get the cheetah, but I would love the cheetah. Okay, let's see. Ah, this is so fun. Okay, let's see. Let's see which one we got. Are you ready?

I'm ready. Okay. Oh, hippopotamus. Oh, that is really cute though. Cute. Okay, two dine. Two dine. We now have the dreaming series. Rabbit, elephant, panda, lion, pig, sheep, koala, fawn, lopear, rabbit, giraffe, mice, or duck. I want the panda or the koala. Or the duck. Or the duck. Or the duck. Let's see which one we get. This is so crazy. It's like a delayed present that I bought for myself cuz I bought these like 3 months ago.

Oh, which one is this? This is the giraffe. I don't really think giraffes are this color, but very very very cute. This one is the same as the other one. I want I want the duck. I want the duck. The duck one looks really cute. Let's see. Let's see. Oh, is it a little mice? Is it a little mice? It is a little mice. That's very, very, very cute. And we have one last. This is our last little thing of Japan. Monkey, rabbit, fawn, duck, crocodile, mice, French bulldog, elephant, koala, sloth, hamster, cat.

I want the crocodile, the hamster, or the French bulldog. Come on, give me the French bulldog. Please. I actually just want the French bulldog. Please give me Bonnie. Please give me Bonnie. Please. French bulldog. French bulldog. Oh, we got the little cat. We got the little cat, which is cute. All right, look at these. I think my favorite is definitely the carrot. Okay, that was cute. So, what I'm going to do right now, it is like 3:00 p.m.

I was only 7 minutes late to my appointment and she said it was no problem. She was doing other things anyway. So, I'm going to go for a little walk. I think I'm going to go into like a little cafe or just get like a quick little bite. I have like a headache today for some reason. Like I'm feeling very like headachy. I don't know why. I feel a little bit hung over today. You know whenever you're like not hung over that like your day is ruined, but you're hung over enough where you have like a headache, but I haven't drank.

I haven't drank now in like 2 weeks or like over 2 weeks. It's [ __ ] in I' don't think I've ever not drank for this amount of time. And I honestly have just been feeling really good. Like it's been feeling really great to never wake up with like a hangover or like be sleeping on like a good sleeping schedule. Like last night, Joshua David Evans posted, "Oh my god, do I want to get into all that?" Joshua David Evans posted his exposed video of me, and he had been teasing it for so long, and it was a bunch of [ __ ] And I responded to it, but I haven't responded to a video right after it's been dropped on me like that since maybe the Colleen days or maybe Alexa Nicholas.

And there's such an adrenaline rush whenever you're responding to these videos because you're nervous. You're you're a little bit, you know, all over the place. in case you're trying to articulate your thoughts. There's a lot of people watching you. There's like 2,000 people watching my stream last night and my video is is like really big right now of because there's obviously a big reaction to it and I was really really really really stressed before I had to do the video.

And me and my friend Sua went out for Korean barbecue and I was really proud of myself because I was considering going to a bar and having like a glass or two of wine before doing the stream because I'll normally always do that and I didn't and I was so proud of myself. I was so proud of myself. So, I'm going to head out for a little bit right now. But yeah, it's a very overcast day today here in Brighton. Thank god cuz apparently it's supposed to get really hot very soon.

And I just walked around a little bit. I got a coffee and I went into my favorite little pet shop that is in Brighton. It is actually called uh Creature Clothes and I love it. It's like this really small independent or at least I think it's independent. Yeah, it is independent pet shop. They always have really cute stuff for dogs and for cats. It's they I love in there. I used to bring Dolly in there all the time. I saw things that both of the girls are going to absolutely love.

Specifically, I was going to say specifically Bonnie, but both of them actually love like really hard shoes. So, I I brought everything to the till and the woman who was working there was like really struggling on her phone editing a video and I was like, "What's wrong?" And she was telling me that she's having an issue with editing this video for the Instagram page. And I was like, "I do social media. I'll help you." I ended up being in there for like 20 minutes helping her edit this video when we were just talking and we were getting to know each other.

It was great. But anyways, here's what I got. Obviously, a paper bag and it was raining outside, so I had to hold it like this. First of all, I got these little biscuits for dogs and they look really, really, really like humanesque. So, I'm excited for them to try these. These look really good. So, I got them. And I got these dog treats that both of them love. their peanut butter buttons and also like beefy bone flavored ones before anyone comes for me.

They didn't have any cat stuff that I already haven't bought, so I didn't want to just wastefully buy again. They also bigger stock for dogs than they do for cats. I also bought these shoes that I just know that both of them are going to absolutely adore. So, I am now back actually really crazy. So, I was walking around Ty with my coffee, drinking it, and it brought me back to whenever I lived here. I used to love getting coffee from one of my favorite coffee places and just walking the lanes and calling someone.

It would be my mom or my dad or my friend Cat or my friend Suha. I would just need to be on a call and I would just be walking around and I would be on the phone and I'd be drinking my coffee and by the time my coffee is done I would come back home. I was on the phone to Cat and then this woman in front of me was like and I was like, "Oh my god." I like thought it was like a mucker or someone that I know like kind of based on the the reaction that she gave and I was like, "Hi." And she was like, "We know each other." And I was like, "Oh my god, how do we know each other?" And she was like, "I was the first person who ever interviewed you." And I was like, "What?" And she was like, "6 years ago, I emailed you and asked, could I interview you for a project I was doing for college, and you said yes, and you did this entire interview with me?" And she was like, "And I aced the project because of you." And I was LIKE, "OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU doing here?" She's visiting London.

She's just doing a day trip to Brighton. She was like, "I cannot believe that I just ran into you." She was like, "This is so insane. I'm I'm living in North Carolina. Like, this is crazy." And it was really, it was really insane. I never thought that I would run into the person who first ever interviewed me 6 years ago. It is currently 4:45. I've just made a reservation for the Korean barbecue place. I'm very, very, very excited for that.

And I'm going to continue going through things. Donation pile, rubbish pile, things that I'm going to bring in a suitcase. I have another suitcase here that I'm going to bring back. And this is the final suitcase that I have in this apartment, I'm pretty sure. Let me just double check. Yes, it is. So, I kind of want to be wrapping up cuz I'm running out of time. So, I'm going to lock in to getting rid of stuff and throwing stuff away and all of the rest.

I don't really have much left. I have big bags of dog food. Now, these are too heavy to bring to London. So, I'm going to ask around if anyone has any dogs who want those cuz I have two of these in here. I also have leftover cat litter as well. Pea husk. I don't even remember using this. So, there's a lot of things that I'm going to just ask if anyone has any animals if they want it for free. Look, I have another big bag of dog food as well.

Open up and get some air in this [ __ ] Hut up. This apartment was fun. God, I just really love my London place. I don't think anywhere is going to compare to my London place. Oh my god, this really ugly shirt. I wore this to the free Britney rally. [ __ ] hideous ass shirt. It's going to get donated. It should be getting dumped. Okay, I'll catch up with you later. Okay, the wardrobe is officially officially cleaned out.

And now I have two suitcases in front of me and I'm going to go through and put clothes in that I've decided that I'm taking. So, first thing, I love this jacket. Isn't this jacket so beautiful? It's from a little dairy company called Storefront. The problem is it's really big and bulky, so it takes up a lot of room. But what are you going to do? This is just a black zip up that I'm going to put in as well. I'm so annoyed at myself.

I knew all day that I I love this pink sweater. By the way, I knew all day that I was going to be doing this call with VidCon because I'm doing a panel at VidCon on I think Thursday. I think everything work-wise that I'm doing VidCon is on Thursday. I also love this kind of like salmony color one. Everything is inside out, but I don't care. I'm going to deal with this whenever I get to my other apartment. My other apartment.

What a stupid sentence. So, I'm doing a panel on Thursday and I was supposed to be doing it with this guy called Gohar's Guide. I think is his name. Like another YouTuber. And I was super excited about it because it sounds very similar to the panel that I did at TwitchCon, which is like I think it's something about like bringing your audience over to YouTube or something about like how to how to have a good community or how to I don't know, something that I just think is like an interesting conversation.

And I was really excited to do it with this guy because I love having conversations with other creators and how their community works and operates. And a lot of people are very fascinated by like what our community looks like and I was just really excited for it. However, he just emailed cuz we're having a call today. I love this Madonna hoodie by the way that I got at her show. This is too bulky to put in. Let me deal with shirts and stuff first.

So he just emailed and was like, "Hey, I'm not going to be able to make the panel. Like my flight gets in too late, so I don't you know, you're going to have to cancel my participation." And I'm like, um, this was a joint panel, so I don't know if I'm going to be doing it on my own or what, but all day I've been aware that I have this call with VidCon and the people here doing the panel or running the panel or whatever the [ __ ] right?

And then I made my dinner reservation with my friends for 6:00 p.m. at this Korean barbecue place. And here's the thing, I chose the time. Like I was like, "Let's do 6:00 p.m." And then I realized that my call with VidCon is at 7:00 p.m. So, I don't want to cancel my appointment. Ooh, this color is beautiful. I don't want to cancel my dinner reservation. And my friends are already getting ready to go to it. It's in like 30 minutes.

So, what I'm going to have to do is go to dinner and then leave an hour later to just go outside to take this call with VidCon. So, I hope it doesn't go on too long. But I also don't know what to expect with the call anymore because the other person I'm doing the panel with pulled out of doing the panel. So I know what I'm getting in for with this call. Not really. Also, I got my hotel reservation confirmation from the VidCon team and it says that only I'm staying in the room and a one bed, but I already put in that I was sharing the room with Cat and Cat was my plus one and I needed two beds and I had to email the team and be like, "Hey, are you guys aware that I put Cat down as my plus one and she's coming with me and I need like two beds." The thing is I feel so bad because I've been in emails with VidCon all [ __ ] week about Josh anyways and I'm just like so embarrassed that like there's just been so many things that I've had to talk to the team about and whatever and I know for sure that they hate my ass and that they're annoyed with me and I know I'm never getting an invite again and I'm aware of all like that but I just hate having to email them cuz I just feel like awkward or what like they've been so nice but I just feel awkward doing it.

I know when they see my name come in and emails they're like oh what? And they're absolutely right. I am making great progress in the apartment. So, I'm going to continue putting stuff in the suitcase and then I'm going to go to dinner. Good morning, everyone. Welcome to the next day. This is a really unflattering location I've decided to film. Hello everyone. It is the next day. Okay, so I did some packing in Brighton.

I actually did a lot. I did so much yesterday. I'm very, very, very happy with myself. I ended up going for dinner with Lexi, Steph, and Kane, and we went to Korean barbecue and it was so [ __ ] good. Korean barbecue is so expensive, but it was so good. And I decided that at dinner I was going to allow myself to have some soju. And again, I haven't drank now in like 2 weeks or like over 2 weeks. I don't know what it's been.

And so I was like, you know what? Like I want to have some soju. So we all had some soju with dinner. And then we all decided after that to go out for some drinks. And I haven't been out for drinks in so long. So it was really, really, really fun. And then after that, everyone was like, "Should we or should we not go to the club?" And I was like, "Well, I need to call my friend who's looking after the dogs and Woody." So, I called my friend and I'm like, "Hey, are you able to like look after them for a couple more hours?" Also, my friend is getting paid, by the way.

And they were like, "Yeah, of course." And I was like, "Perfect." So, then we all went to the club and I have so many thoughts on it. We went to the gay club that we would go to like every single week. And I walked away from it being like, "Wow, this place like as in Brighton like just isn't fun for me anymore." But I had a great time with my friends. I had a great time with my friends. But I just have a lot of thoughts with that.

So anyways, then I came back to London and I did a late night walk with Bonnie and Dolly and the sun was coming up. It was so so so beautiful. Someone had told me like this is the most beautiful time to be walking in London, which is kind of like that like 1:00 a.m. 2:00 a.m. And oh my god, it was. The sky was like this light blue. It was absolutely gorgeous. So, today I've woken up and I have zero hangover which is absolutely fabulous.

And it is a really beautiful hot day in London. As you can see, it is so gorgeous. So, yeah, I'm just out walking around right now. And you may be wondering, Adam, where are Bonnie and Dolly? Well, don't I have quite the answer for you? So, one of my friends runs an animal daycare service/ like looking after like walking dogs. He'd been asking for a while if he could work with Bonnie and Dolly. That sounds so stupid.

Like they're working on like a business meeting or something. If he could work with Bonnie and Dolly because he would want to like regularly take them out or regularly take them to the daycare or whatever. And he knows that I'm out a lot and traveling. And he was like, "This is the perfect opportunity. Like you're moving stuff up and down to Brighton a lot. Like let me take them for the day. Let me just walk them. Like let me take them to the daycare." Whatever.

And I was a little bit hesitant because of Bonnie. However, he was only going to be doing it with both of them. So, I knew that they weren't really going to be mingling with other dogs, which was really great for kind of me not being stressed out about Bonnie, like acting out with other dogs. So, that's where both of them are today. They are at doggy daycare for the first time ever. They have never ever ever been at doggy daycare before.

So, they're gone there. And it just works out because I have so much stuff to do. I mean, I'm really in the final countdown now for going to VidCon, and I'm just out of the apartment a lot because I have so many things to um buy, so many things to sort out. And also, I have a lot of streaming work to do tonight because I'm almost leaving where I'm not going to be able to stream for quite some time. I'm having to bulk stream.

So, I'm doing a huge long stream today. And so, it was just kind of like a perfect day for Bonnie and Dolly to kind of be doing their own thing all day. So, I've been getting updates. They've been there for a couple hours now. They're having so much fun. I think they're in like Hide Park or something right now. They're living it up more than I am. I'm sweating my balls off and running to and from meetings and also having to pick stuff up for VidCon.

So, yeah, they are enjoying the sunshine and I am sweltering in it. But yeah, it's a really beautiful day and I had a lot of fun last night and it was great to see my friends. But yeah, today is a busy busy busy day. I mean, it is the 19th of June right now and I leave in like 3 days for LA, which is absolutely absolutely crazy. So, I had fully gotten my two wardrobes completely cleaned out yesterday, which was so great.

And I brought up two suitcases with me to London late last night. And I think I only have to do like one more round of suitcases to my London place. And then I have all of the clothes that I want to take, which is really, really, really great. And then I just got to get like a removals company to remove like a bunch of stuff from my apartment because that's kind of the main thing right now is just that I have like a lot of boxes, a lot of furniture, etc. that kind of needs to be thrown away.

But that's like not something I can do. That's like a furniture company needs to come and remove those. So once I get that done, then I'm able to get a cleaning company to come in and clean the apartment for me. And then I'm going to be ready to hand over the keys to my landlords. I still haven't let them know that I'm not renewing my teny just cuz I don't want them coming in and bothering me and doing like viewings with other people and stuff like that.

Like, hey, I just leave me alone. They're already going to be getting the keys back like 2 weeks early anyway. So, the birds sound so beautiful. I was hoping to have everything removed from my apartment by the time that my brother and his friends were going to stay there, which I think is only in like a week and a half. It's right after VidCon. So, I don't think that's going to be able to happen unless I am able to get a removals company to like work fast.

But again, people have like schedules and work and stuff. So, I don't know if that's going to be able to [ __ ] happen. So, we will see. As of right now, I'm walking to another meeting. I have IRL meetings a lot these days because a lot of people that I kind of work with or have relations with are all based in London, which was another reason why it was such a good option to move to London because a lot of people I work with have their offices here.

But, it's such a beautiful day. Look at this. I'm going to cross over here. I think I'm going to have to walk down towards London Eye, London Bridge area, which is all the way down there. But yeah, I'm really happy that the doggy daycare is like working out well for the girls, and that they're having fun. I think it's definitely going to be something that I'll utilize on days when I'm streaming for long periods of times or when I'm out doing meetings or kind of in times like this where I'm getting ready for a trip.

So, yeah, it's all good. really annoying. What happens? Hello everyone. Hello Bonnie. Do you want to show me your new toy? Or I guess not toy but she Hello Dolly. Oh beautiful. She's bringing over her You want to take it? She's bringing over her toy that Sua brought her cuz Suya got you some new toys. Are you giving the camera a kiss, pretty girl? Hello. Hi Woody as well. Hello everyone. It is many years later. I have just finished a live stream on Joshua David Evans on Gavin's video.

I don't like merging the two contents that I do in terms of like I like keeping them very separate. I don't want to talk about that kind of stuff on here, but wow, it has really deeply deeply deeply deeply affected me. I my heart is broken for Gavin. Joshua David Evans is a sick [ __ ] He's a sick [ __ ] He's an evil evil evil evil evil man. I I don't have words to describe how evil that man is. I I wish him nothing but the worst.

I do. I He is an evil son of a [ __ ] Scumbag. Scumbag is the word. But I'm trying to decompress after stream. I was planning on doing a huge stream because I had the girls at daycare, which we're going to debrief. We're going to debrief. Uh but I did two hours of reacting to Gavin's video and I had to just be like, "Gays, gays, I'm going to leave. Guys, I'm going to leave." Cuz I I couldn't do anymore. I I'm so angry.

And there's been something that this Josh situation has just like kind of brought something up in me. And it has nothing to do with Josh cuz people were like, "Don't let Josh re-trigger you. Josh is not re-triggering me." But all it's making me do is like go back on my old text messages with Colleen and think back to my old conversations with her. And it's just put me in this really uncomfortable position where it's like Colleen opened up so much to me about Josh being like abusive towards her.

I mean like let's call it what it is. And it's like the terms like I'm scared of Josh is what I've heard so much from that time period of her and her family talking about Josh. And now I'm hearing like Gavin be like I'm scared of Josh and other people be like I'm scared of Josh. And it's like scary just how like everything has like came full circle and repeating itself. Like he's a sick [ __ ] He really really really is a sick [ __ ] I'll talk about this more in a second.

But first of all I want to debrief with the girls about today. Ignore my [ __ ] ass fit by the way. I have red basketball shorts on and a Celtic top. Bonnie is currently with her chew that she has her little antler chew that she loves. But Dolly, we've got to talk. We've got to talk. Okay, so the girls came back to the apartment maybe like an hour ago. They were gone for practically half of the day. Hello, Bunny. Hi, honey.

Oh my god. Look. Look at your little utli. Oh, she doesn't want to share it. She doesn't want to share it. She just came over to show us. Very, very sweet for you to come over and show us. Dolly, are you being silly? Both of them are exhausted. So, basically, they have been on walks. I think they were at Hide Park all day is where they were. And the weather was beautiful. Apparently, Bonnie got on really well by Bonnie's standards.

She just doesn't merge well with the public whenever it comes to other animals. But, she did have fun is what I heard today. And they were basically in the Hamstead area of London, which is the area that I really liked. I went there with you a couple weeks ago. So, they were up there all day. And yeah, apparently they just had a really great day. So it only was them. Normally my friend does have a bunch of other dogs.

Uh but my friend recently asked me like, "Hey, if you ever want me to look after the girls, like I would love to have them the day and stuff." So if there's ever a day you're really busy and because I've been going to and from London so much or to and from Brighton and I've just been like working a lot specifically the last couple days leading up to VidCon, it was perfect timing. So oh my god, Woody must be this heat is kind of killing him.

He's just lying down. but he also kind of loves just being involved. So, he's currently joining us right here. But yeah, I've I but yeah, Dolly is exhausted. They've had a really really really great day, which is great cuz I got to do all of my stuff. I went out shopping. I got all of my underwear, all of new socks, like some new clothes for LA. And yeah, I'm just starting the final prep now. I can't believe it's in a couple days.

There are so many parties that I'm getting emails for whenever it comes to VidCon. And so, me and Cat are currently going through them and being like, which ones do we want to go to? which happy hours. Um, it's going to be really, really, really exciting. So, yeah, I'm glad that you had a good day today and I'm glad that Bonnie did, too. She's currently over there with her little antler shoe and Woody is all sprawled out.

But, I want to go through the things that I got them yesterday in Brighton in the pet shop and see if they like them. I knew you were going to like that. She loves these like chew toy things. Like, she's always been [ __ ] with this one. And so, I got her these new ones and she's been loving them. Actually, whenever I looked at that, I realized that's not the new one. But hey, it's one that she had. So, let me go through my bag and see exactly what I bought them.

So, I know that I boughten them these like cookies. So, I want to see if they like them. I also have their favorite treats. Now, I want to hide this from Woody because he normally like tears into the bag and just eats all of them. He's a little [ __ ] like that. So, let's see if both of the girls like these little biscuits. So, here we go. Biscuit paws. Oh, I see Bonnie running over. Okay, look at this. Look at these.

We've got some biscuits. Yes, we do. We do. They're very, very, very excited. There is four in here. They just smell like kind of cardboard. All right. This little chocolatey looking one. Do you want it, Dolly? Oh, yummy. Bonnie, do you want this one? Sit. Good girl. There you go. Yummy, yummy, yummy, Woody. Unfortunately, these are not for you. Is it nice? Is it nice? Oh my god. Are you almost eating that entire thing in one?

Just big and greedy. Look at the mess you're making. Is it nice? Dolly is on the sofa. She always eats a lot slower. Are you trying to Are you trying to eat it some of it? She is scoffing this thing. Oh my god. Crumbs and all. Woody is appalled by her behavior. Hi, Woody. Hi, Woodifer. How are you doing? How are you, pretty boy? Oh, hello. We love you, Woody. All right, Bonnie, you have made an absolute mess. Woody is investigating the mess.

He's investigating it. Bonnie's coming back for the crumbs. Woody is absolutely appalled by her behavior. Dolly is a little bit uncertain about it. How do we feel about it? Do we like it? How do we feel about it? Do we like it? She's a lot more delicate, as you can tell, than Bonnie. Ooh. Is it nice? Ooh, I think she likes it. Yes. All right, girl. Meanwhile, Bonnie has already finished hers. You coming back for seconds?

Have you noticed that Dolly is still eating hers? Girl, you at yours incredibly fast. All right, enjoy. Girl, I have to say I absolutely love the fact that in London there's just so much accessibility to like doggy daycares and like dog walking and all the rest. It's It's so great. Like in Brighton it was a lot smaller and harder to get on lists with places and be it my friend literally has a company so I guess it's like a little bit different but there's so many other places because I really want to enroll Dolly specifically in one of those things where it's like people take like a bunch of dogs to like the forest for the day and stuff.

I think she would really enjoy the socializing aspect of it. And she kind of misses out on that dog socializing aspect whenever we're on walks because again, whenever I'm with Bonnie and Dolly at the same time, like we can't really be interacting with other dogs just because Bonnie is so problematic whenever it comes to other dogs. So, I want her to experience that. And she's also just very cute when it comes to like interacting with other dogs.

But everyone is chilling. Bonnie is waiting for crumbs to fall. And Woody is chilling right here. He's just being fed. So yes, Woody, she's literally waiting for crumbs to fall. She's so greedy. Just big and greedy. Hello everyone. It is currently many, many, many, many, many days later, and it is 1:00 a.m. right now. And I just wanted to talk and catch up. And there's been so many things going through my mind. There's been so much happening online.

And I'm going to be honest, VidCon is in a couple days. I honestly thought that it was going to be like smooth sailing to VidCon as in there wasn't going to be much happening and I would just kind of, you know, like leave a little bit like on the internet like not be posting as much as what I normally do just in in the preparation to it. And it has been the complete opposite. I have my fan on by the way because there's currently a heat wave going on in London and still at 1:00 a.m. it is unbelievably hot.

So, it has been the complete opposite. And I can't even believe that VidCon is in a couple days. When I'm currently filming this, it's just hit midnight, which means that it is the 22nd of June. It's Monday, the 22nd of June, which is crazy because I leave for VidCon on Wednesday. But not only that, it's like I arrive in Anaheim and LA on on Wednesday as well. So, like in 2 days time, I am going to be at VidCon. VidCon officially kicks off on the Thursday.

That's the first day of it, but I'm going to be there from the Wednesday. And I I'm excited. I'm I'm nervous. And this doesn't have to do with Joshua David Evans dumbass threats, but I haven't been in America in a very long time. I am someone who frequently would go to America and I haven't been there in a year. Last time I was there was in New York July of last year. So, it's been a while and I just think I'm I'm nervous in the sense that in a sense that I'm nervous in the sense that because it's been so long since I've been there, I don't know what to expect.

Like I feel like I've always been pretty good at being able to like know what I'm what I'm in for whenever I like travel to a new country or a new city or whatever. And with LA, I've been there so many times. But for some reason, like I'm I'm nervous to go this time. And I think it has just been that so much has been going on and there's just been I just feel like there's been a lot of like whackings recently that I've gotten like from from the Harry Daniels of it all not that long ago.

It it's it's seemingly just been like I've been in a fight ever since. Um, it was with Harry and then the Josh of it all started and this is all happening in the leadup to VidCon and I am very nervous for VidCon. Nothing to do with Josh, nothing to do with whatever, just because I feel like I've been an inconvenience to the VidCon team, which I know I have. And I don't think it's entirely my fault, but I'm annoyed that it is like this.

I'm annoyed that my relationship with VidCon is how it is right now. I know that I'm never getting an invite back to VidCon. And I I have like many thoughts about that. Not that they've told me I'm not getting invited back. It's just like let's put two and two together. Like there's no way that they're going to bring me back because when the Rachel Ballinger booking happened and that all blew up, you know, that made me look bad in their end, you know, like it was like, "Oh, Adam's a problem." I don't agree with that, but I understand it.

And they've never said this to me, but it's just like, let's be realistic here. And then with Josh, you know, threatening the VidCon of it all, you know, and he works at Studio 71, so he's going to be at or well, he was allegedly supposed to be at VidCon and his ticket tier would be like a worker, which means that he can get to like all of the levels except for backstage cuz he had that exact same one last year as well. because I remember me and Harry went to like a Spotify happy hour or something and he wasn't able to get there.

He wasn't able to come backstage because his ticket tier didn't allow him to, but we had full access. So, it'll be the same this year with me having feature creator. But I tried my best when I was talking to the VidCon team to let them know what Josh was saying and doing and what he has been doing more so from the perspective of like he's a hired worker. like he's going there with a brand. Like this is no longer like a YouTuber who's being weird or when they, you know, said that, you know, we don't want to get involved in any of your beef with like Colleen or whatever.

To that to a degree, I can understand, but this is like a hired worker of Studio 71 who's coming and like just threatening a confrontation. And like at the end of the day, I am at VidCon to work. Like I literally have to do work. Like I have to be at this place at this time. I have to be at this place at this time. Like, I've signed on to all of this and I'm excited for it. But the element of people being able to like find me and know exactly where I'm going to be at all times with all of that added on is incredibly daunting and stressful.

And I just wanted to make sure that I did everything the way that VidCon wanted me to do with all of my events, all of my panels, the meetups, and stuff like this. And I just wanted I wanted to make sure that I could get it done. And so I had to message the VidCon team and I was like, "Hey, you know, just to kind of let you know that I kind of feel comfortable if I could bring my own security. Is that okay?" And then they responded and they were like, "Yeah, that's okay.

Like we'll loop you in with the security team. Like what's going on? Like let us know if there's a concern. Like tell us a name, show us a face, whatever." And I didn't want to be like Joshua David Evans or like this person's threatening me or read between the lines or look what they're doing online because it it just feels on my end it's like I'm constantly complaining about things to VidCon or I'm constantly being an issue.

And I'm sure I'm not the first person who's been a creator at VidCon who's had to have these conversations with them. I mean online stuff is very parasocial and I assume there's a lot of stalkers and I assume there's a lot of dangerous situations that creators have maybe been in or almost been in. But I'm still just I just wanted this to go down so differently than than how it all did. And I'm like frustrated that everything played out the way that it did.

It just it was my biggest dream to go to VidCon and be a feature creator and and be on panels and do meetups and, you know, mainstage game shows with people and and it has it has just been one thing after the [ __ ] next. It really has. And again, I'm so excited for it and I'm really grateful for the opportunity. And you know, VidCon are paying for my flights and my hotels and stuff, so they go above and beyond. I mean, they got money.

But I'm just annoyed because like everything just played out in my end. I feel so unprofessionally because people kept putting me in positions. And when the VidCon team were like, "Give us a name, give us a face, or whatever," I wanted to like deescalate the situation. And so I said, "Hey, honestly, that's all good. I I just would want to know if if it would be a possibility that I could bring my own security. So I'm not asking you guys to have any of your security.

Like, I'll sort everything on my end. Just give me the go-ahhead and and you you won't even notice that I have a security guard. I just want one so that I can get to and from my events and that I feel safe." And and they were like, "Yes, of course." I had to get all the badge numbers off of the security company. and they they've been an absolute dream to work with, honestly. Like, I'm I'm I'm really excited to meet my security guard.

I'm very nervous, but I'm very excited because the the team that I've been working with have been very very very easy to work with and just very nice and talking about like long-term collaborations that we could do at them working shows that I would do or or like meetups or or just kind of anything else. And so VidCon ultimately approved my security and then they got back to me and I don't want to air out too much here but they were like hey like we have close connections at Studio 71 like his name is not D as even coming to the convention and so then I just kind of felt like an [ __ ] where it's like oh is is is Josh just going to roam outside of the convention center like if he isn't even going with his work or was he just lying was he trying to get a reaction out of me and it's like I don't take it lightly when someone is like threatening to confront me or whatever because I'm there to work.

Like this is not like you're approaching me in the street. Like I actually have to be there. Like I literally have to be there. No ifs or buts about it. So I I I don't know. I I I dreamt of what my next few days are for a long time and I finally got it and it just it it hasn't been what I thought it would be at all. And again, it has nothing to do with anything other than just kind of what my situation is right now. And I don't know, it kind of sucks.

So, I haven't necessarily been like looking forward to it. I And so, I've kind of been dreading this trip, actually. And like I I've really been looking at this trip like, oh, it's a business trip because like I have to go and do this, which is so it's so frustrating because it really was something that I dreamt of. And I think mainly I'm really excited to see my friend Cat. I haven't seen Cat in a year and we normally would never go longer than two months without seeing each other.

So, we're doing VidCon all week together. We're going to do Disney, which I'm very excited for. We're going to Disneybound. I'm going to do Peter. She's going to do Wendy. So, we're going to get a really fun Disney trip. And then it's her birthday while we're out there as well on the 27th. And then on the 28th, I have my SUR event, which that is what I'm excited for. Like to me, I think I might have pulled out of VidCon whenever everything went down if I didn't have my SUR event.

If you don't know, I have my SUR event where I have a really good relationship with the entire team over at SUR, GMO, Natalie. Um, I don't really speak to Lisa or anything like that, but just kind of them two. And I know all the workers and stuff like it's just honestly been from going there so much. And then when they found out I did social media, we were talking and I had reached out to them months ago and I was like, "Hey, I'm going to be in LA.

I'm going to be popping in anyways. Can't wait to see you guys again." And I've done little unofficial meetups at Sir, but I was like, "Hey, like I'm thinking of doing some sort of meetup with my audience while I'm in LA." And they were like, "We would love to do it. Like we're they're obviously going to get bar sales. People are going to buy alcohol, going to buy drinks, going to buy food." just I mean if they want to and I'm basically going to meet everyone and and hang out with everyone and once I get photos with everyone and get to talk to everyone oneonone I'm just planning on like free roaming the building with Cat and getting to know Muckers and and talking to Muckers.

I'm so excited. Like I really really really am. Like some of my favorite days of my career so far have been that kind of environment. I think of Disney Springs when I was in Orlando and I was doing a show and I had a couple days off and I went to Disney Springs because I wanted to go to Disney Springs and I literally tweeted out like an hour before and I was like, "Hey, I'm going to go to Disney Springs in an hour. If any muckers are in the area and want to hang out, come." And like 10 to 20 muckers came within like an hour notice.

And I took everyone to the Rainforest Cafe and we all sat on this huge table like it was like a birthday and we all got to know each other. And I I still catch up with a bunch of them on Instagram and we walked Disney Springs or when I was in Minneapolis and my Minneapolis show got cancelled because of whatever and I was like uh-uh there's people who want to see me in this city. I want to see them. I'm not here for no reason.

So I organized like a free meetup and then like a bunch of people came. I did an abbreviated version of the show just in the middle of like this [ __ ] park. met everyone, was there for hours, and I had such a good time that I was like, if anyone's over 21, I'm going to go to the bar that I went to last night again tonight. If you all want to come, I'll be there. Make sure you're over 21, sort yourself, whatever. And then a smaller group of that big grip came.

And we were there for hours sitting on the ground of the smoker's area, all getting to know each other and all talking. And I really, really, really loved that. And so that's why I'm there's a huge bug on the ceiling. It is so scary looking. That's why I'm just so excited for Sir because it's like this will be the first time that environment will happen where it's like a legit thing like we're not we're not like we're not just like meeting up at a park or whatever.

Like we're meeting up at like an actual establishment and it's going to be like ran by like you know them and stuff. So I'm very excited for sir and I just I'm I'm so focused on that right now. I'm so focused on that and I'm probably going to be so hung over because the night before is Cat's birthday and the last day of VidCon. So, it's going to be all the parties and sir is 1:00 p.m. until 6:00 p.m. So, if you're coming, just come whatever time you want throughout that.

Uh, I kind of am hoping that people stagger their entry just so people aren't kind of queuing up and like waiting for no reason. But, I guess everyone will just be like talking to each other. Anyways, so I did just order 400 posters of the SUR event of me with this this the SUR poster that I announced it on um to be delivered to a UPS store near the Anaheim Convention Center. And also I got a bunch of stickers of Woody that I'm just going to give out to people and I'm going to sign all these in my hotel room before the event and just so people like leave with something as well.

I know it's a free event and I know I'm going to meet everyone and I know you know that but like just so I just it's special and it's fun and it's I don't think we're ever going to do something like this again. So let's really enjoy I mean maybe if it works out well. I mean I think if if sir gets um like bar sales or people buy food or people, you know, buy alcohol or whatever, they'll they'll probably want me to do it again.

Um it's just going to be really fun. I mean we're just taking over the entire building. Uh they're allowing me to play whatever music I want. They're giving me access to the mic. like it's going to be like peak brunch time in WeHo. It's going to and it's just going to be like muckers. It's it's I'm so excited for it. So, I'm very very very excited for that. But anyways, I just have some last thoughts which is on Joshua David Evans.

So, I I can't believe how much forgiveness people give him. He posted a video today where he's talking about the documentary and in it he acknowledges that like he was terrible to the documentary team and all of the rest and people are like, "Oh, he's showing remorse in this video." And I'm like, "Wow, people are so easy." He's getting backlash and threatened to like be removed from his job. Like his his actual job at Studio 71 is at risk.

So now he's pandering towards people and pretending to like take the high road. And I know that that is not the truth of him at all cuz I know him deeply uh from how he acts online and how he moves behind the scenes and the fact that people are eating it up. I'm like, "Wow, the bar is really on the on the floor for people." And I have no time for him and I'm just so disgusted by him. And the last couple weeks of his behavior of shouting at people on the phone, threatening me behind the scenes, threatening me publicly.

I have no time for him. And I I just it makes me so angry how I how people just will like forget things. Like I'm already seeing people now be like, "Oh, like well we we should just move on." And it's like that's what people like Josh rely on is people not having like these long attention spans to like remember what they do, remember that they're bad people. and the fact that he just is now like posting videos to to try win back the public and it it really bothers me.

It really does. And I'd be lying if I said I am just not kind of frustrated by how all this has played out because when I originally spoke about this, a lot of people in the documentary, a lot of people were very against me and a lot of people had their reasons for being it. They didn't like that I talked about the documentary. They didn't like that it was sounding like I wanted to be the only victim. All this, you know, [ __ ] But I can understand where people were coming from.

It wasn't the truth. But I was holding back on a lot of information that has now came out to the public. And I think that as more information came out, people were, you know, leaning more so kind of on my side again. And now I'm seeing like on Reddit and stuff, people are very against Josh and they're very like, "Oh my god, Adam was telling the truth from the start." Or or you know, everything Adam said makes so much sense now or you know, we need to start listening to Adam.

And it's so annoying because I just feel like there's a huge chunk of the internet that is so willing to paint me as a liar or jump on me and try to take me down or think that I think that I'm someone I'm not. And then it's like give it a couple days and even if I don't provide any more information, the people that I was talking about like Joshua David Evans exposes themselves for being a terrible person. I didn't even have to lift a finger and then everyone's like, "Oh, maybe Adam did know what he was talking about or whatever." It's just kind of frustrating because it kind of makes me feel like I'm going insane and that's why I've really got to like not allow the outside noise to like affect how I move behind the scenes and how I move publicly because the narrative is forever changing.

But I I will be honest that it is a little bit frustrating just kind of the constant tennis that a lot of people do when it comes to me talking about things to do with Colleen Ballinger or Joshua David Evans or whatever. Because ultimately at the end of the day, people make their mind up on what they believe I'm doing based on them filling in the gaps of the story the way they want to. And then whenever more information comes out, it's like, "Oh, Adam, Adam knew all this all along." Well, yeah, of course I'm the one involved in this.

Like, of course I'm going to know more information about Joshua David Evans than you do or Colleen Ballinger than you do. And I just wish people had I'm not saying people need to just like blindly agree with what I'm saying or blindly defend me, but I just wish people had a little bit more like trust in me. And I'm not saying the muckers here. I'm saying like the outsider, you know, Colleen Reddit of it all. Like I just wish that like you people talk about Colleen all day every day.

And I just wish that like a lot of them would just trust that I know these people more than they do on a personal level. And like I'm not talking out of my ass. And I think I just got really upset with how I got painted by a lot of people on Reddit and by Josh cuz it was his, you know, doing that. It like made it seem like I was, you know, not supportive of Becky, Oliver, Ella, and Alex. And it's like I don't I've never heard Josh mention any of their names.

And I I someone was like, "You know what? Like Adam does care about Becky, Oliver, Alex, and Ella because out of everyone, he's the only one that brings up every single person's name, every opportunity he has." And I went, "You know what? That's true. I do." And it's not like a thoughtout thing. Like, it truly is. Anytime I talk about this situation, all of those people come to my mind because all of their stories matter.

And I just the fact that Josh manipulated the situation to make it look like I was trying to put them all down or Oliver didn't matter or Becky didn't matter. And I am a little bit upset honestly that Becky and Oliver did respond to Josh so positively whenever he was doing that. But again, I I can't judge them based on the information they knew at hand. But again, I just wish that like I just wish people knew me. Like I wish that people trusted me and I wish that people like it sounds so cringey, but like knew where my heart is at and like knew in this situation.

And it's I don't know. It just that really upset me. That really upset me. And I've just been feeling very weird over the last couple days. And again, I haven't been [ __ ] focused on VidCon. I honestly like there's so much going on right now. I like said to my mom, I did a live stream today and I was just in a really bad mood the entire stream. Sorry if you were watching the stream and and I'm telling you and like bursting your bubble.

It was when I talked about the Jojo Siwa cruise and and the Josh recent Gavin update and I talked about Idubbbz and I talked about Kat Von D. I just was in a really bad mood because I just feel very burnt out right now. And I feel very burnt out because I just feel like for the last four weeks, 3 weeks, all I've been doing has been explaining myself from Harry Daniels lying about me to Josh. Like I just feel like I've been constantly defending myself and like trying to like persuade people to like hear me out or whatever.

And it's just been really [ __ ] exhausting. And I think I like hit a breaking point today where and I think it has to do with the heat wave as well. Like I just kind of get very overwhelmed. And also I had to get a new um pet sitter for my trip because my brothers aren't able to come over and that was super last minute. And also my landlords just messaged me and were like, "Hey, we're going to come over tomorrow and we're going to do a viewing of the property and take photos and make sure that you're keeping it in good condition." And it's like, "Oh my god, I just moved into the flat." Like there's just a lot going on where it's like I'm like leaving for my trip on Tuesday night and there's just so much happening right now and I'm just really really really overwhelmed and I'm like about to hit a wall.

I feel like I've already hit the wall, but like the next week of my life is going to be the most social week ever and the most light vibrant week ever with meeting so many people and so industry and and all of the rest that I'm just kind of like I feel very burnt out right now. But like it's it's just daunting when you feel very burnt out and then you know that you're going to be entering like a really hectic but maybe it'll give me the opposite effect.

Maybe Maybe it'll be something that'll really like liven me up or like perk me up or something. I don't know. But I've just been all over the place. But tomorrow is a new day. I've got to start doing my final prep cuz I need to leave. I hope my clothes arrive in time. They were supposed to arrive today, but they didn't arrive. So, um I hope they arrive in time. If they don't, they don't. But I will love and leave you.

Sorry, it's kind of gloomy like right now. I didn't mean to be so done in the dumps, which is kind of how I've been feeling. It's I really I just kind of feel burnt out from like having to like persuade people to hear me out to ultimately in the end be like, "Oh, Adam was right or he was on to something." And it's just kind of like, you know, I will talk to you tomorrow. I hope you're all doing very well and goodbye.