マッチングアプリで初心者がマッチしても会えない男のミス3選 transcript

I’d like to talk about three mistakes that matching app beginners often fall into. Hi everyone, I’m Yoshi. Has this ever happened to you? You start using an app, finally get a match, but have no clue what to send or when to ask them out. You chat for a while, it seems to go well, but then suddenly you get ghosted. You try to be polite and careful with your replies to avoid being ignored, but you still never make it to a date.

There are actually quite a lot of cases where people just aren't moving fast enough on these apps. Let’s quickly run through the three most common mistakes beginners make. First: not moving off the app, or doing it too slowly. Second: approaching it at the pace of a real-life acquaintance . Third: putting all your energy into one person just because you matched. These are the three mistakes beginners tend to make. The reason these happen is that you haven't grasped the common sense or the unwritten rules of the apps yet.

Conversely, once you get the hang of these, things will start to go much better for you. That’s what it comes down to. So, first up. Just keeping the small talk going doesn't create the next point of contact. A common trap is to make just keeping the conversation alive within the app your main goal. Most people start out on the free version, and at that stage, you’re usually only getting about one to three matches. Yeah.

If you haven't picked great photos, that’s usually where it ends for most people. Since your pool of matches is so small, you end up feeling like you have to be extra careful with your conversations. You think that if you lose that one match, it’s all over, so you make the conversation itself the goal, but the most important thing on an app is actually creating the next point of contact. For example, proposing a date in the app.

Yeah. Like, when to go on a date, when to have a phone call, or just suggesting, "Hey, let's swap LINE contacts." It's more of a feeler approach. Just getting things moving is what matters most, regardless of how. The reason is, if you're too slow, another guy will swoop in. On apps, quick responses are powerful because they stop other guys from snatching her up. The highest success rate comes from quick, back-and-forth volleys and then moving to LINE.

That method is the most likely to keep things going. Occasionally, you'll run into girls who want to wait until they know you better before exchanging LINE. Only once she says that should you engage in longer, casual small talk. If she hasn't said that, just keep it to 2-3 quick messages, then suggest exchanging LINE to talk more. Say something like, "I don't check this app much, want to move to LINE or Insta?" Moving the conversation off the app is incredibly important.

A quick side note: especially with Instagram, it's rare to get invited to follow their personal account. The girl is cautious, and her Insta shows her other friends and life. It’s easy for them to be guarded. That goes for us, too. We’re the same way. When exchanging Instagram, it's better if it's not your personal account initially. Right. You should aim to exchange personal LINEs or real accounts once you actually go on a date .

It's better to steer things in that direction. Otherwise, she might ignore the "app-only" account, and the conversation will just fizzle out. You really need to aim for a connection to her actual personal accounts. So, don't think you need to be overly cautious just because you matched, or that she's the "only one." You might think it's better to be extra careful, but fundamentally, you should always aim for that next point of contact.

Especially for total beginners, some people try to play games within the app's chat. That is out of the question . I know some people might think like this. Wouldn't it be better to wait until we get to know each other a bit more? The reason for moving off-app is that it's harder to compare you to competitors and easier to deepen the relationship on LINE or Instagram, which feel more private. I mentioned this earlier, didn't I?

And one point I didn't touch on is that it’s harder to be compared to other guys. I mean, on Instagram or LINE, you’re basically only surrounded by people from your real-life circle. From the girl's perspective, at least. But on apps, other guys keep popping up one after another with their photos. And their messages just keep piling up on top of yours. So, your priority level is likely to drop, and there's a high chance you'll just be another "app guy.

" That’s why you need to move them off the app and enter their private space. And if possible, you should try to have a phone call that same day or within two or three days. Why? Because letting them hear your voice helps confirm you're a real person. And adding that sense of reality makes it easier to deepen the relationship. If you can't talk on the phone, voice messages are fine too, but letting them hear your voice really adds a sense of reality.

They don't know what you're like, how you talk, how you laugh, or what topics you bring up, so it's better to establish your presence through a call rather than staying in that uncertain state. Conversely, without these things, it's hard to be recognized as a real person, so you really should do it. If you're bad at phone calls, voice messages are fine. Deepening the impression this way makes it much harder for the connection to be cut off.

Of course, there are times when it will still break even if you do this, so, well, how should I put it. It's more about doing it to increase the odds, even just a little, that it won't break. Yes. It’s like, if you don't do this, your retention rate is 40%, but if you do, it becomes 50%. So, it’s worth doing, right? But it’s not like doing it guarantees success, that’s the vibe. Actually, you know, dating is basically all like this.

If you do this, your success rate goes up, right? But it doesn't necessarily mean it will always work out. Since almost everything is like that, please cherish the methods that have worked for you. Because that becomes your own personal style. And, as I mention in my analysis notes, that is essentially your own ultimate theory. So, you keep refining that. What I’m sharing is basically the foundation, so you build your own theory on that base to make it the best it can be.

Then, reaching a point where you don't struggle with finding partners, or intimacy, or finding someone for a long-term relationship— that’s the ideal path I envision for all of you. I’m sharing this information hoping it can help you get there. I mean, honestly, when I started out, none of this existed. Now, finally , there are, well, competitors, yes. There are others, yes. Other men have started sharing these dating theories, but five years ago, there was practically no one.

Yes. I wish it had been around five years ago, though. However, while it’s great that these ideas have spread, a downside is that other men are getting better too, yes. And furthermore, once everyone masters their approach, it becomes a game of looks or timing, so you should get started early. Going all out the moment you get a match. Well, you see, when you have few matches, the value of each one starts to feel incredibly high.

So, you end up pouring all your energy into that one person you matched with. That doesn't seem bad at first, but on apps, putting your all into one candidate just isn't efficient or worth the effort. The reason is, they can disappear so easily. It’s common to put in a ton of effort only for them to vanish in an instant. If you keep doing that, you won't last. You'll burn out, so it's better to stay detached and take it lightly, thinking of the app just as a way to boost your numbers; you'll stick with it longer and get more matches.

It’s also easier to move them over to LINE. That kind of casual vibe really helps. It makes everything lighter, including your messages. Your messages, your mindset, and your approach all become more relaxed, which actually leads to better results. But when people first start using these apps, they tend to think they need to cherish every single match , which is a good sentiment, but still. It’s a good thing, but you’re prone to thinking you must treat everyone as precious, whereas women are already getting flooded with messages from tons of guys, so heavy messages just feel like a hassle to them.

Because they’re receiving so many messages. I mean, even with the messages I get from free or paid consultations, since starting this, I really understand how women feel; it’s genuinely overwhelming to have so many coming in. Replying to them one by one is a lot of work. Yeah. So, if a message comes in that doesn't keep things moving smoothly, they can't help but feel like it’s a chore. In my consultations, for example, if someone asks abstract questions versus specific ones like, " I'm in this situation with this type of girl, what should I do?" When they ask like that, it's so much easier for me to answer.

I can easily say, "In that case, you should try this," but if someone asks, "How can I get things to go the way I want?" It’s like when you watch a video and think, "Oh, wow," you know what I mean? From a girl's perspective, for instance, what could it be? "What should I call you?" You know, with girls who ask that, you just think, "Ugh, who cares? Call me whatever." Because if you're too polite and keep asking, it just feels like, " Man, this is a hassle." As an aside, even if a girl's profile demands politeness, it's better not to follow those rules.

Basically, girls who force politeness in their profiles are just nightmares. Keep that in mind, and you'll eventually realize these types are just way too much trouble. Sending overly polite messages on dating apps is pointless; sometimes, just sending something simple gets a quick, easy reply back. So, you really don't need to feel pressured to act a certain way just because of what's written in their bio. Honestly, I think you don't even need to look at their profile after the first message, unless you're using their interests to craft a good opening line.

Sometimes you see those profiles that say, "Send this specific word first to prove you read my bio," but you really don't have to do that. The kind of girls who care about that stuff are just absolute nightmares. It's best to just cut your losses and steer clear of them. Yeah. Anyway, sorry for the digression, but people often decide someone is "the one" before even meeting them. When you don't have many matches, you tend to think, "She's cute , and I'm not matching with anyone else , so she must be the one," and you get overly cautious, but putting in that much effort just makes dating apps exhausting.

You should only start putting in real effort once you've successfully moved to LINE or a phone call. Just because you matched doesn't mean it's easy to get to LINE; it depends on the timing, too. So basically, if you match, reply right away with short messages that are easy to respond to, keep the back-and-forth going, and try to move to LINE once the vibe is good. And well, this part is the same as real-life interactions; at first, you want to act like you're having fun, create a fun atmosphere, and have an enjoyable conversation.

Some people try to play it cool from the start, but that "uncertainty" only works if there's actual interest there first. Exactly. Basically, it should be fun and positive, but a little uncertainty makes them wonder, "Huh, what's going on?""Which way is it?" Yeah. They start thinking, "I'm kind of curious about this person." If it's just uncertainty, you're just being a jerk. I used to make this mistake all the time, too.

You should definitely avoid doing that. It’s such a waste because if your first impression is that you're a jerk, turning it around is a hassle, takes time, and is a real pain, so be careful. The key is to keep going, assuming things won't always work out. By basing things on real-life interactions, you also reduce the emotional damage. So, you use the apps, but you also engage in real life. Targeting multiple people at once.

Exactly. It doesn't have to be just real-life meetups, but joining lots of communities while using apps is good. Well, if you're a working professional, you probably don't have that much time, so managing two or three candidates is ideal. It’s good to handle that skillfully. If you make the apps your main battlefield, it’s easy to get hurt, especially at first—though once you’re used to it, it’s not a problem at all.

You won't feel anything anymore. But at the beginning, you’re prone to getting hurt, so it’s better to maintain a stance of "I'm using apps while keeping my real life as the foundation." And the reason you shouldn't take damage is that if you take it to heart, your mindset will suffer. It might not lead to full-blown mistrust of women, but, you know, something like that. Getting ignored like it's nothing, or suddenly getting blocked even after you thought the conversation was going well—that happens all the time.

It’s also common to have a date canceled right before you meet, with them saying, "Oh, I actually found someone else." Or just "I'm sorry," so if you actually let every single one of those get to you, it’ll never end. That’s why you really shouldn't make that your main focus. If you center your life around it, you'll get burned, so I highly recommend a stance where your base is your real-life community and you just dabble in apps.

So, we’ve looked at three things, and all three avoid the risk of being rejected. In short, you don't want to be turned down. You’re afraid if the connection breaks, you won't match again. Because you can't reach out daily, these kinds of mistakes keep happening. But like I’ve said many times, not trying to move to the next step is what gets you rejected. Basically, even if you keep messaging in the app, you won't move forward without asking for their LINE, generally speaking.

Well, there are in-app calls, too, though. Yes. I mean, that's fine too. It’s perfectly fine to use in-app calling. But, you know, it’s best to move them to a more private space like LINE or Instagram. Yes. Otherwise, if they delete the app one day, that’s just the end of it, right? Yes. You can delete an app so easily. But you can't really delete LINE or Instagram that easily. Yes. There's that difference. So you should be pushing for the next point of contact as much as possible.

If it looks like things are moving, keep suggesting the next step, and if not, just stop. Yes. If they say, "No, I'd like to get to know you a bit better first," then you finally stop. Yes. Then you say, "Sure, let's keep chatting for a bit," and keep the conversation going. But you know, if you do that for too long, it never ends . Yes. Chat for a while, try asking again, and if they still say no, then just let it go.

It's better to just move on to another girl. This is a big difference compared to real-life connections. Yes. Now, a point of caution: sending an invite out of the blue is definitely not okay. People tend to do this once they've gotten some experience with girls or start having regular hookups, because they get lazy and try to jump straight to asking them out for a meal in the first message. There are people who do that, but it basically never works.

It doesn't even work on apps. You don't need to get super close like in real-life communication, but after some small talk, you should properly go through the steps of moving to LINE, then moving to a phone call, then setting the date over the phone. You can move through those stages as quickly as you want, but if you skip steps—like skipping the phone call— the risk of a no-show goes up. Since things like that can happen, you really should follow the steps if possible.

However, it ultimately depends on the person, so analysis is essential and adaptability is key. So, it is possible to succeed even if you skip steps. Though the odds are low. If you understand that it's important to generally follow this route, I think you'll be less likely to get confused. Especially, the number one thing to watch out for is people whose goal becomes just keeping the messages going . You need to be careful with this.

Yes . Our goal within the app is not to keep messaging, but to get them over to LINE. Then, the goal on LINE is to get them on a call or set up a date. And the same goes for the phone call. The goal is to lead to a date. And for the date, the goal is to lead to a hookup or a long-term relationship, right? It is very important to recognize what the objective is in each phase and act accordingly. Yes. If the act of messaging or calling becomes the goal itself, you lose track of things, so you need to clearly understand where you are trying to go.

Thinking about how to get there and acting on it makes it much easier to move forward, keeps you from panicking, and leads to better results. I highly recommend it. To wrap up. Beginners should check these three things. First, exchange a few messages and make your move if it feels right. If you're turned down, just go back to chatting. The smoothest way to ask for their LINE is to simply say you want to talk more. I mean, you can tweak it a little if you want, sure.

Asking for LINE or Instagram by saying you want to get closer or talk more is a good way to suggest exchanging info. Yes. A recommended reason to use is that you don't check the app very often. I mean, it’s true for the other person, too. Aside from some college students, not many people are constantly checking the app. Yes. So, saying you don't check the app much and suggesting a move to LINE or Instagram is smooth, natural, and recommended.

Second, try to ask for a call as soon as possible. Yes. And when you set up a date, try to pick a date as close as possible. It’s common to end up with a two-week gap, but in that case, it might even be better not to ask at all. Wait, maybe not that far. Yeah, that’s not true. I went a bit too far there. Yes. But you definitely should try to set it for the earliest possible date. Yes. If the gap until the date is too long, the risk of a last-minute cancellation goes up, and you’ll have to call or message them repeatedly to keep that risk down.

That can lead to running out of things to talk about, or them thinking, "I don't really vibe with this person." Ideally, you want things to progress quickly and rhythmically in a short period. You should be conscious of speed so your impression doesn't fade. Third, keep everything short and act as an ally. Like I mentioned in the last video about real-life meetings, you can basically just stay in "ally mode" until the first date.

It's important to build rapport first. Yes. Provide the vibe of a guy who is easygoing, non-threatening, and fun to meet. Let's offer that at the start. There’s plenty of time to play hard to get on the date; maybe just be a little quiet on the call if needed. Any uncertainties, too. Also, on these apps , it's pretty easy to show interest, so yeah. You can include acts too, but if you want to do it for real, or maybe create a little more tension, you should do that after you've gone on a date.

It's better that way. At first, you know, even if it's on an app, some girls are on guard, and nobody wants to deal with a weird guy, and I think we feel the same way about not wanting to deal with a weird woman, right? So, there’s that, yes. To start, it's better to present yourself as a fun guy who seems easy to meet up with. This doesn't mean you should ever skip the steps. Trying to jump straight to meeting without a back-and-forth conversation is usually tough.

So, it's not about skipping steps, but rather increasing the speed of those steps, which is important. If you keep a good tempo and stay wary of being a nuisance , things tend to go very well on apps, yes. Please, give it a try. So, that's all for this time. Bye-bye. HJa