アプリの正解をリアルに持ち込む男、だいたい事故ります transcript

Have you ever experienced this? On apps , you can hook up easily, and land one-night stands or long-term relationships one after another. But in real-life communities, or "real-comms," it's different. With coworkers, classmates, or a friend of a friend, you can't even have fun together, and you just end up getting rejected. People who go through this might be misunderstanding the speed of apps versus real-life communities.

The speeds are as different as a highway and a narrow dirt path, so listen closely. I'll start with the basics. To begin with, apps and real-life communities start from different places . Think about it: what's the fundamental difference between an app and a real-life community? It’s the starting point. Apps are gathering places for men and women who are actively looking to meet someone. Everyone on an app is there specifically to meet people.

So, the hurdle for meeting someone is incredibly low. What's more, it’s basically always a one-on-one situation between a man and a woman. You generally don't have multiple men and women matching at the same time. Conversely, in a real-life community, it's unclear if anyone is even looking to meet someone. For example, I doubt many people choose a university just because there are cute girls there. Most people join a university because they want to study something or want to land a good job later.

Relationships then form within those environments, creating what we call a real-life community. It’s the same with companies. People who want to work there gather, and you get groups like coworkers. You form real-life community groups within the same department and so on. It’s the same with part-time jobs, too. And if you ask if people there are looking to meet someone, well , they aren't. I used an obvious example, but it’s the same for gaming communities or groups of friends.

Furthermore, these settings usually start with multiple people, like colleagues, hobbyists, or friends. Real-life communities almost never start with just one man and one woman. When a community is formed, it’s usually because a group of people gathers, says "let’s do this," gets along, and it naturally becomes a community, right? You generally can't start one-on-one, or at least it’s difficult to do so from the beginning.

Hearing this, I think some of you might already realize that the starting point is completely different. And this fact, that the starting point is different, becomes an extremely important point. Since the environment is totally different, the approach changes significantly up until the phase where you go on a date together. However, conversely speaking, regarding going on a date—the first date, that is. Beyond the phase of going on that so-called first date, it's basically the same.

First, people who aren't looking for a relationship will be wary if you move too fast. Some might think that's obvious, but those who only use apps might be realizing it for the first time. Strategies like instant replies, exchanging LINE IDs immediately, and rushing to set up a date—which work on apps—are very hit-or-miss here. You're looking for a connection, right? On apps, there’s a shared implicit understanding, but that doesn't exist in real-life communities.

So, acting in such a rush is generally met with wariness. That’s because the other person doesn’t have a demand for a connection yet. Well, of course, there isn't anyone who absolutely refuses to ever meet anyone. But there also aren't many people who are desperate to meet someone either. So, while everyone wants a "natural" encounter, most people don't want to be aggressively pushed into dating. Yes. It’s selfish, right?

Yes. It is selfish, but if we tap into that specific demand, we can actually win them over easily. Yes. People want to get close to good-natured people, but they can't get close when they haven't determined if someone is good-natured yet. For example, you’d want to be friends or in a romantic relationship with someone who seems like a good, fun , or interesting person, right? Don’t you all feel the same? I know I do.

If someone you barely know—who you haven't really talked to and just seems like an average person—comes on too strong, it’s honestly a little scary, right? Like, "Wait, what's going on?" And if even guys find that a bit scary, then for women, it’s even more terrifying. The reason is that they know they can't match you in terms of physical strength. So, if you force your way into their personal space at that early stage, it's basically going to be scary.

Please remember this first . You might not be seen as scary on apps, but in real-life communities, people sometimes get creeped out. This is it. Seriously, this is it. The reason apps aren't scary is that everyone agrees to meet up. There's an implicit understanding that you won't know unless you go on that first date. Since everyone expects that, it works, but if you do that in a place where that expectation doesn't exist, you'll naturally be met with caution.

So, if you approach someone just because they're cute, it’s usually a no-go. So, what do you do? You have to lower their guard first. It’s much easier if you break the ice with some small talk. By repeating small talk, messaging, or having brief face-to-face chats, they start to think, "Oh, I know this person," and you can move forward. Exactly. Then, once they realize, "Oh, I enjoy talking to this person," that's when things click.

Starting to make a move only after that point is the easiest way to get a positive response. Conversely, if you do that on apps, you're going too slow. That’s why I say it’s as different as driving on a highway versus a local street. If you drive too slowly on a highway, people are going to honk at you, right? You have to zip along on apps, but if you speed through a narrow local street, you're going to cause an accident.

That’s what a real-life community is like. You have to take it slow and be careful; that's just how it works. Second, romance is harder to spark in a group setting. This is another tricky part about real-life communities. For example, let's look at the approach I advocate for. There's a theory that you should analyze things based on the girl you're with, but basically, this only applies when you're one-on-one. Here’s what I mean: if she says something to you within a group, it’s likely just group dynamics, so you can’t really judge her interest from that.

For instance, laughing a lot when you're in a group or frequently starting conversations with you isn't enough to determine if she’s interested. Why? Because she might just be thinking, "Oh, he's not talking at all, I feel bad, let me include him." In short, groups are full of noise, so it's hard to verify if she’s genuinely interested in you. That’s why you need to be one-on-one, but since real-life communities start in groups, you have to get close enough to be alone first, or nothing will progress.

The nature of conversation is completely different between one-on-one and group settings. So, it's important not to over-analyze remarks that are influenced by the atmosphere of the moment. For example, even if you’re chatting and teasing each other a lot in a group, if that dynamic doesn't carry over when you're alone, you should assume she isn't really interested. It’s easy to let your guard down. You might think, "Things are going great, I've got this, it's a sure thing," but surprisingly, when you’re one-on-one, you might think, " Wait, is this how it's supposed to be?" Or, "Am I being subtly guarded against?

""Is this really happening?"—those kinds of things happen, so yes, be careful. First, get to a one-on-one situation. To do that, you need to create the feeling that being with you is fun. Focus entirely on building that sense. It doesn’t mean you have to be the life of the party; simply being pleasant to talk to, or at least not negative, is usually fine. And after that, it's all about frequency. The mere-exposure effect.

Having fun conversations over and over again definitely makes it easier to lower her guard. A common mistake many people make is trying to flirt or get intimate while in a group setting. I wouldn't go as far as calling it a huge mistake, but it really isn't effective. Yes. The reason is because it's a group environment. It's because there are eyes on you. Girls are very sensitive to that. It’s common for the rest of the group to get turned off when two people start acting lovey-dovey within a community.

Like, "What is up with them? So gross.""Don't start acting like that here.""That's just weird." It turns into that kind of situation, right? If the girl is clueless, she might go along with it, but the more sensible she is, the more she will avoid that kind of atmosphere. She’ll worry about the vibe of the group and end up viewing you negatively as a result. Honestly, it is really hard for romance to spark in a group setting.

So , in real-world communities, instead of forcing romance by constantly pushing it, it's crucial to first build enough rapport to get one-on-one. Wait, but won't you just get friend-zoned then? The short answer is, yes, it's very likely. Yes. You’re probably thinking , "Wait, it*is*likely?" but yes, it is. And this is why real-life communities are much harder than dating apps. In short, there are just so many triggers that lead to being friend-zoned.

Apps are meant for dating from the start, so it's easier to push for romance, but real communities aren't the playing field for dating at first. So naturally , getting friend-zoned happens easily. Yes. It really can't be helped. Yes. I’ll say it again: romance often comes down to luck, unreasonable losses , or timing, and sometimes you just think, "I lost because of*that*?" So, all we can really do is focus on increasing our win rate.

That’s why you should be careful about the friend zone. You should be careful, but if it happens and things don't work out, then it just can't be helped. I don’t really like saying things like this, but it happens. I think we become adults by accumulating those kinds of tough experiences, and talking about those wild stories with the guys over drinks is the most fun, right? Just endure it while thinking of it as material for those kinds of moments.

Yes. I have plenty of those myself. If you can live a life without regrets, that’s obviously great, but there are always plenty of regrets, aren't there? Yes. Like why did I do that, or why couldn't I make a move there? There are so many things like that, yes. While reflecting on those, grit your teeth and go into the next one determined not to make the same mistake. Yes. Once you're able to go out together, shake things up with excitement.

As I mentioned earlier, first you need to lower their guard. Yes. That’s important, and even if you’ve been labeled just a friend, if your impression changes when you're actually out together, that judgment can honestly be overturned. So, once you can go out together—for the first date—that's when you bring the thrill , the heart-pounding, and the uncertainty. A sense of superiority, too. Showing you can take the lead, being masculine, reliable, confident, and composed.

Those non-verbal cues are important as well. Of course, you can use non-verbal cues even when you're in a group setting. The idea is to use those things effectively to push things quickly into a romantic direction. Until the date, it's fine to just be a somewhat interesting person. Just by being conscious of this, it becomes much easier to navigate real-life communities. The reason for this is that it becomes a new territory for the other person.

It allows you to show a side of yourself that wasn't visible within the community. It makes them feel like they've seen something new, which creates room for them to enjoy it . Conversely, if you just present yourself exactly as you are in the community, it’s not very interesting and it’s hard to succeed. Changing too much is weird, but it's important to go in with a bit more of a romantic vibe. On a date, well, even within that community, I think it’s okay to show a little affection, like saying they’re cute or that you like them, though it’s tricky.

That balance depends on the vibe of the community at the time, so honestly, don’t show all of yourself while you’re still in the group. And one thing—people tend to do this—once you start hanging out as just the two of you, show your romantic interest clearly, even if it creeps them out. Even if it creeps them out, trust me, it’s definitely better to show it. Actually, if you don’t show it, nothing will move forward.

I mean, being too scared to do anything is absolutely the worst move. Yes. If you don’t close the distance at some point, it just won’t develop into a relationship. It won’t lead to anything meaningful, so yes. You have to step on the gas at some point. Moving things forward is absolutely necessary. So, you might worry about creeping them out, but you have to push forward, you really have to. This kind of contrast becomes quite important.

And, well, once you reach the date stage, bring it back to a romantic track. As I mentioned earlier, you should keep hitting them with signals. Yes. Keep laying the groundwork by saying things like, "Let's go eat together sometime." It’s always a plus to do that, so if a topic comes up in conversation, just throw it out there: "Tell me more about that sometime,""Oh, you like that? Let’s go to a show together!" You should just keep saying things like that casually.

Yes. Whether you actually pin down a date depends on how they react in that moment. If they’re really into it, you can just set a date right then and go, right? Being able to adapt to the situation is actually quite important. Men tend to fall in love at first sight , so you might think, "Wow, she's cute, I have to ask her out," but if you jump straight into asking them on a date right away, it becomes a game of luck.

Yes. If you're lucky, they'll accept, but otherwise, it really just comes down to your looks. So, it’s much easier to get a "yes" if you lower their guard first before asking them out. So, if you get rejected, basically , don't keep pushing. Just deepen the connection and try asking again later. Also, just as a side note—though I don't think many of my viewers do this —mind the power dynamics. Like seniors and juniors, or bosses and subordinates.

You should avoid creating a situation where it's hard for the other person to say no. Some people try to get others in their circle to help push them and the girl together, but seriously, that’s counterproductive, so don't do it. Even if you get together temporarily, you'll usually break up soon because using the people around you to create a "we're all rooting for you" vibe makes it feel like she's being forced into it.

From the girl's perspective, there’s no benefit to that, so you're better off avoiding it. Also, personally speaking, don't ask her female friends for advice —honestly, just stop asking female friends for advice in general. Generally, women side with women, and men side with men—except for those specific types. I don't know if they're trans or gay, but there are YouTubers who always take the woman's side and bash men, right?

Or celebrities like that. Yeah. I really hate that stuff, but aside from those exceptions, men generally side with men. I mean, how should I put it. I understand you feel anxious, but just because you ask a girl for advice doesn't mean it'll go well; usually, it doesn't, so you shouldn't do it. That’s that. I went way off-track, but basically, once you get to the date, just follow what I’ve said in other videos or what's written in my analysis theory.

Proceed with your strategy. Until then, just focus on one thing: easing her defenses . That's the point. And finally, a common mistake. Don't try to date as a group; romantic interest should be expressed when you're alone together. Within that community, even if I say this, it definitely won't make things awkward, right? In moments where you're absolutely certain you can say "you're cute" or "I like you," go for it! You can say those things in those moments, but otherwise, it's generally better to express affection, create a bit of anxiety, or share feelings like "I like you,""you're cute," or "you're special" only when you're alone together.

The scariest thing of all, and what you really shouldn't do, is try to play these intense mind games involving anxiety within a group setting. Why? Because it's a group, and everyone around you is watching. It makes your own position in the community unstable, and from the girl's perspective, it feels like you're making moves on her in front of everyone, which easily makes her think, "Who does this guy think he is?" So, generally speaking, there is no need to play mind games within a group or community setting.

The effects are minimal, too. So, balancing affection and anxiety—or rather, trying to shake things up with those tactics—is something you should generally avoid. If it works for you, then it's fine to do. I talk about a lot of things, but in the end, if it works, it's justified; dating and being popular are vague like that, so while it's better to keep that as a base, if a method works for you, you should stick with it.

That's why I explain the reasons for everything. I try to state the goal and the reason for every single strategy, and the reason I do that is because it depends entirely on the situation. It also definitely depends on the girl, what kind of community you're in, who you are, and what your position is, so there are always parts I can't fully account for. That's why I explain that I'm doing this for a specific reason. I explain that this is the goal, and that this action is powerful because of that.

The reason is that if this isn't your goal, then the action won't be effective. Yes . I think it's easier to use these tactics if you understand the cause-and-effect or the logical relationships, which is why I make a point of explaining them. Yes. If you try to pursue romance in a group, the group can fall apart, and your standing within the group can suffer. Plus, since girls are very conscious of how they're perceived by others, they’re more likely to be less responsive.

Yes. There’s no benefit anymore. Yes. Yes. So, what you can do in a group setting is focus on building rapport and making them feel that being with you is fun, plus non-verbal cues and improving your appearance. Yes. This is what you should start with in a real-life community. That’s why, you know, when you watch these dating-related videos, you might think you want to try being a bit unsettling. Like, "Wow, that sounds super interesting, let me try that," or , "Oh, is being aloof really that strong?" You might want to jump right in, but take a step back and ask yourself: am I trying to navigate a real-life community or an app?

Because if it’s real life, they’re probably still wary of you at this stage. So, instead of being unsettling or aloof, it’s not the time for that—you need to break down their guard first. It makes it much easier to be flexible, and when you understand why you’re doing what you’re doing, it’s easier to reflect if things don’t go well. Ah, I see. It’s easy to see where things went wrong, so I highly recommend this approach.

Yes. I actually became popular with women this way, and thanks to that, I even got married, so yes. Well, I’m sure there are some who aren’t aiming for marriage, so yes. You can do as you like, but please try using this as a reference. So, that’s all for this time. Bye-bye. Yes.