The Science Behind How Women Flirt transcript

It's a man's job to make the first move. Yet, in two out of three cases, women are actually the ones who initiate the flirting process. The problem is that their flirting is vague. So, to make sure you don't miss a potential girlfriend just because you couldn't read her signals, I gathered the most fundamental information about women's flirting behavior and divided it into three main categories. Number one, subtle flirting.

In the first interactions, especially, women initiate flirting by simply using their body language. Let's take an example from the YouTube channel Cut. What do you do? Um well, right now I'm a model, actor. Amazing. Barista. >> No way. Wow, what a combo. Um and then I went to school for criminal justice. There were two cues worth noticing here. First, there was the head tilt. In human behavior, this is a sign of warmth and attraction.

Second, we saw that she kept her eyes closed for an unusual amount of time. In the animal world, keeping your eyes closed means that you trust the other animal next to you. There's even a term called cat kiss, which describes how cats basically show their affection by blinking slowly near their owners. But, these were just the initial flirting signs. Let's see how the attraction cues start to speed up just a few hours later. >> [laughter] >> Oh my god, media consumption.

And then >> Oh, okay, here's the thing though. Like I'll be watching I'll be watching a video on YouTube, usually like a cop cam video or like >> What? What do you watch? Now, there are a multitude of other non-verbal and para-verbal signs that a woman would do in order to show interest in a man. Fortunately, there's a researcher called Monica Moore who studied and gathered most of them in the study. As you can see, the most frequent ones include smiles, glances, laughs, and solitary dances, in which she basically silently screams for you to join her.

But, as always, attraction cues will mostly depend on the context of the location. If she's at a distance and wants to get your attention, she'll use big, visible movements like hair flips or room-encompassing glance. On the other hand, if she's close to you, she'll use micro movements like leaning in, tilting the head, or even some playful touches. As [snorts] a fun fact, a woman will also speak with a higher pitch when she's near a man she likes.

He uh to talk about the film, he said he'd written a new screenplay, and he told me the story, and I thought it had an amazing >> You did not just ask me that question. >> you're like What a forward young man you are. My goodness. Now, you should never take a singular cue as a clear indicator of attraction. Both detective and body language experts usually make their assumptions based on something called a cluster, aka a group of cues.

Laughing at one of your jokes doesn't necessarily mean that she likes you. But, if she's laughing at your joke while touching you on the shoulder and tilting her head, be damn sure she likes you. Number two, intentional flirting. Here's an intriguing question. Why can't two people just say that they like each other? It would be much more effective. Well, historically speaking, human communities used to be much smaller, so small that everyone tended to know one another.

Thus, if a person made a direct move and got rejected, they would have ended up with a bad reputation. But, for women, it was even worse. Although they were the initiators, we were the approachers. If a woman would have both initiated the interaction, approached the man, and got rejected, she would have been seen as unwanted material by the entire community because of her desperation. That's why for men, and especially women, good flirting is concrete enough to let them know that you like them, but vague enough to not give them the chance to brutally reject you.

So, how do you concretely know if a woman really likes you or is just polite? Well, in 2015, the researchers from the University of Augsburg analyzed a modest number of 140,000 words that were used in flirting context in the show Love is Blind. Then, they found that all of them fit in one of six categories: imagined future, meta-linguistic reference, self-praise, humor, sexual innuendo, and compliments. As you can see, the most used category by both men and women was imagined future, which proves that we like to keep things a bit vague.

Yet, if we get specific, we can see that men tend to use more flirting overall. But, here's my advice. When you want to find out if she's flirting with you, look for imagined future, compliments, self-praise, and sexual innuendo. I didn't add flirtatious humor because it can be very easily confused with friendly humor. Number three, direct flirting. Over the years, there were a lot of flirty and seductive actresses, but there was one, Marilyn Monroe.

Even though she was the echelon of the feminine courtship, her story began years before, when she was no more than an invisible orphan in the rusty orphanages of Los Angeles. One day, she simply noticed that the white blouse provided by the orphanage was torn. So, she borrowed a smaller sweater from a younger girl in the house. But, when she arrived at school, Monroe noticed something strange. Suddenly, boys seemed to gather around her wherever she went.

Back home, she even wrote in her diary, "They stared at my sweater as if it were a gold mine." Before you think I'm a weirdo, I took these pieces of information from Robert Greene's book. You see, for Monroe, that day was a revelation. She could influence people by just using her looks. But, then she entered the Hollywood world. There were other actresses, some more beautiful than her. So, she had to come up with something new.

You see, along the years, Monroe discovered that, paradoxically, men would treat her better if she acted a bit dumber and clumsier than she really was. So, when she entered the movie world, she put her tricks to the test. In all of her characters, she embodied the dumb blonde innocence, making men feel like both lovers and rescuers, even though she was rumored to have an IQ of over 160. Today, Marilyn Monroe is one of the few actresses that remains in the minds and hearts of many men, even though her movies are long forgotten.

You see, in the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, John Gray explains that women often share problems and act more clumsy than they really are as means to create an emotional connection with you. Why? Because it gives you the perfect excuse to interact more with her. If she gives off that clumsy girly energy around you, maybe it's time to go shoot your shot. If she sounds and acts like prime Batman, maybe it's time to level up your game.

And I know just the video that could help you do that.