What to Do When a Student Refuses to Do What You Ask transcript

It can be really frustrating when you ask a student to do something and they refuse. Now, usually uh that something is related to their misbehavior. So, you're asking them to go to timeout or telling them to to go to timeout and they refuse. This can be so so frustrating and cause you to do things that uh make that student even more difficult and obstinate from in that moment and going forward. Um it can also also cause you to do things that will weaken your authority in front of the rest of the class.

So, in today's video, we're going to talk about how to avoid it. And so, this is really the big one is to avoid it from ever happening. Um and then, but if it does happen, then um we're going to talk about the three steps you need to take if it happens. And then, finally, we're going to answer a couple of really common questions related to this topic. Um but first, please do me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Give this video a thumbs up.

Leave a comment below. I would really appreciate it. So, often when a student, especially a younger student, refuses uh to go to timeout or refuses uh something you ask of them, they often have a good reason why they're doing it. Uh now, in the in the moment, it's probably it's not a good decision, um but they usually in their mind, they have a good reason for it. And typically, it's it's one of two things. And if we fix these things, then the chances of it happening are really really low.

And and this is this is true for every grade level. There are different things at the high school level that cause students also to refuse a direction, but in both cases, in every case, clarity is huge. And clarity regarding your policies, your classroom procedures, your classroom management plan, rules and consequences, grading policy, um those kind of things, all of your expectations, you need to be very clear with it all.

And at the high school, middle school, high school level, clear up also about what the handbook says, what your school handbook says, as it relates to the procedures of your classroom, like tardy policy, or if you have a referral policy, whatever it is, your students need to know all of these things up front. This is why we emphasize it so strongly >> [snorts] >> to teach all these things in um exacting detail, especially your classroom management plan.

Your students need to know 100% what does and doesn't constitute breaking each one of your rules. They need to be able to, if they step over the boundary of one of your rules and into this behavior, they need to know it in the moment. They need to feel it and then turn and know that you're going to be right there holding them accountable. That's how well they need to know it. And in this way, if you teach it in this detailed way, all misbehavior becomes a choice students make.

So, this what this does is it it virtually eliminates all arguments. And when they know ahead of time, they they don't blame you. Um and they take responsibility. So, this this is absolutely key, and it's key as we'll see in ensuring that students um uh don't refuse if they break a rule and you try to hold them accountable. Again, kindergarteners, first graders, they they refuse a lot. If they're unsure, they're going to refuse.

If they don't know that they broke a rule or they're unsure, they're going to say no. They're going to stay right where they are. So, clarity is the first thing. And the second thing related to that is your consistency. If you um ask a student or you try to hold them accountable, force a enforce a consequence on a student, and they think they can think back to a month, 2 months prior when that same misbehavior they just did, someone else did, and you didn't hold them accountable, then there's a good chance they're going to refuse.

And the younger they are, the greater this is, the the greater this the chance of this happening. They notice. They'll think to themselves, well, he or she didn't hold his favorite student accountable. Or when that the best student called out without raising her hand or his hand, there was no consequence then. >> [snorts] >> And so, you have to shore these two up, or you're going to get students to do this. And there's not much you can say to a student when you were inconsistent because well, you would probably do the same thing.

I know I would. No, that's not right. It's It's not okay. And kids who have a strong kind of self uh a a strong personality, strong sense of fairness, they're going to say no to you. And so, these two are our first. If you take care of these two, uh again, the chances someone's a student is going to refuse uh a consequence or refuse if you're at the high school level, and you have a phone policy and you're trying to take away a phone, kids will refuse if you're not really clear about these things, okay?

Um which leads to a related topic. So, when it does happen, if it were to happen, one thing that it's kind of important is that um you shouldn't be Let me put opportunity. You shouldn't be um giving The only time you're really giving sort of an order, per se, to a student is if you are giving them a consequence where they have to do something that moment. High school level, if you are familiar with our classroom management plan, uh which you can find over at Smart Classroom Management, um we don't we inform students, but they don't have to do anything in that moment at the high school level.

So, this is is unlikely to happen. Again, if you're taking away a phone or they they've they've got food out or something like that, if they've got their headphones in, that that's a different story. They can refuse, but um but that Those are the only times that you're going to actually say something to a student is middle school, elementary school, and you're telling them "Take your things and go to time out." Okay?

And because of that, then the opportunity shrinks. If you're the kind of teacher that is might be remiss if I didn't mention this because I've seen it, who's sort of ordering kids around, you go to this, you stop doing this, you do that, which really is is a sign sign of inconsistency, then you are going to have students you're going to have the opportunity to for students to say no. Um, the next thing is uh in your preparation.

Whenever you ask a student for their phone based on the the whatever the school policy is or whatever your policy is if you're allowed to create your own, in my classroom with phones I had a Ziploc bag and I taught them precisely what was going to happen, how to put their phone in, where it was going to go. I had a sticky note with with me. They knew the exact process, how to get their phone back, when they got it back, all that was laid out ahead of time, so I didn't have any problems.

I just walked over and held the Ziploc bag out. Now, your your policy may be completely different, right? And your school may have a completely different policy, but whatever it is, you need to know and be ready for them to say no. And so in that case, when I came over I gave them a sticky note to put their name on it. I had the Ziploc bag held out. In my pocket I had a referral. And so if I if they were like, uh I'm sorry, I don't want to give you my phone, I'd take out a referral and I'd just say, I just have to follow I'm just following the uh the school policy.

So if you don't give it to me that's okay, but I have to give you a a referral. And um and that's that's how it works. So, I was always prepared. I had their name filled out, everything. I had that ready every single time. If it is uh time out, you also um have to be prepared, which brings me to number three is timing. In some cases with younger students, you may say, "I'm going to give you 1 minute to think about it, and I'll be back." And then you need to take yourself to time out.

You don't have to do that. You can do it that way. Otherwise, if a student refuses to go to time out, there is nothing you can and should say. You should not try to convince them. You should not admonish them. You should not go over everything again because you already did. Okay? Now, if you didn't do these things, if you weren't clear, and you're not consistent, I can't help you. You're kind of on your own because it was on you.

That student has a good reason for it. Uh but otherwise, you turn around and walk away. You wait till that student calms down, and then you go for it again. In the meantime, you talk to your you discuss with the whole class about what it means and how it's important and these sorts of things. Make sure that student knows whatever the next So, you're prepared. Whatever the next consequence is. In this case, that student is going to stay longer in that time out.

It's also if a student refuses, then the parent has a right to know. Now, you may be saying, "Well, what if parents don't care, and the kid doesn't care, and all this?" These are topics for another day, but one of the big things about them caring is that you pretend that they care. You call um [snorts] and let them know, "I know you'd want to know." Uh and so these things are important and it isn't that you ever expect Again, we'll talk about this in the future, but it isn't that you expect parents to do anything.

You're just doing what you say you're going to do. That's what the power That's where the power is. Is in you doing what you said you were going to do. That's That's where all the power lies. So, uh yeah, you may come back. You may watch that student until they forget about the situation. They're maybe laughing with another student or whatever. And then you hold them accountable uh for the next thing. Okay, so questions.

Um if it's effort-related, so you shouldn't be telling students get to work right now. The reason is because it confuses um when we're talking about classroom management, at Smart Classroom Management we feel strongly your classroom management plan should be disruption misbehavior only. Do not use it to try to leverage students to get their work done. That responsibility is on you to teach compelling lessons. Now, coming Sunday I'm going to be talking about this particular uh topic.

It's a really important video. I hope I hope you'll you'll check it out. But just know that um you this does not include anything effort-related. You're not going to you know be doing that getting directions Excuse me. Um yeah, telling students they must do this or else. Um and then what if uh I don't know what I was going to say here. Um I can't I can't remember. Oh, I know. So, I I get this a lot about like what if you don't have any means of accountability?

What if you you don't have any any administrative support? What if there isn't any anything in the handbook about accountability or whatever? And my answer to that is you there's always a solution for accountability unless your administration administration has expressly stated you can't hold students accountable. This is rare, but it does happen. If it happens, we can't help you here at Smart Classroom Management. We just can't.

I mean, we believe in accountability and that's best for kids. Um but I've worked in many many different schools, every grade level for over 30 years, and I've always always found a way. I don't work at your school. I don't know what the policies are. I don't know what your handbook says about phones or anything like that. Right? But you can always work almost always unless they say no accountability at the school, you can work within the in the system that you're given.

Um Uh but you do have to be creative. And again, the power isn't in the consequence itself. The power is in your fulfillment. It's in your consistency. It's in your doing what you say and then creating a classroom your students love being a part of. Okay. I hope this helps. Hope you're having a great week. See you next time.