I Hate Going to Bed on Time: Bedtime Procrastination transcript

We all want to have more energy in the morning. So, why are so many of us staying up late at night when we're exhausted and tired and know we probably should be going to sleep, but we're procrastinating on our bedtime. Let's talk about it. Is my intro music playing, folks? I set up all this stuff and now is my intro music even playing? Oh my gosh. Did it play? I think it played. I don't know. Did it play? If it didn't play, let's try that again.

Did it play? Oh my gosh, you guys. I feel like such an idiot now. I went through and did this whole new setup here and now I don't even know if my intro music was was playing. Um, what is happening here? Um, chat, how's it going? Good to see you, Sylvia. I don't hear any music. Okay. Why did my in intro music not play? Um, Vess, good to see you. Okay, let's see. I'm going to try this the oldfashioned way. Let me see.

Let me see how I can how I can do this. Um, thanks for putting up with with me, you guys. Um, thanks for putting up with this stupid tech. I love I love technology except when um when it doesn't when it doesn't work. When it doesn't work, tech is is not so good. Um how are you all feeling today? I'm feeling pretty good. I am feeling pretty good. I was really excited for all these new new visuals here. I got I got one big surprise for you all today.

Uh and I think you're going to be pretty excited. Um, Sylvia says, "I didn't know there was supposed to be any music." There's Bose music. Why is my Why? What happened to my music? Why is my music not playing? I love my music. Okay, let me I'm going to have to dig up my music and add it in again. This is so embarrassing, folks. So em embarrassing. Um, not a fan of of the tech failing. Um, but while we're talking here, while we're getting warmed up, um, I have a question for you all.

Um, do you experience bedtime procrastination? Do you stay up late even though you are exhausted and tired and probably should go go to bed? If so, why do you stay up late? Like, finish this sentence for me. I stay up late because I want blank. What is that blank that that you want? What is the thing that you do that is keeping you up late at night? I want to know, folks. I want to know what that thing is. Um, what it is that is keeping you up late at night.

I want to uh I want to understand. We're going to dive into that. We're going to talk about that today. We're going to talk about that in the stream. Um, I think I have I think I have the music ready here. Um, let's see. Let's see. I think I've almost got it. It's coming. It's coming. Yes. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. All right. Let's try that intro one more time, folks. Oh, okay. Okay. And now this thing is falling out of my ear.

Lovely. What a lovely way to start a stream. All right. Here we go. Wait. Take it from the top. We're doing this live, folks. We all want more energy in the morning. So, why do so many of us stay up later than we should when we're exhausted, when we're tired? Why do we keep procrastinating on our bedtimes? Let's talk about it. [Music] >> There we go. There we go. That's the music. All right, Chad. I want to know, do you stay up late longer than you're supposed to?

Do you procrastinate on your bedtime? Let's talk about it. And let's go over our rules. How does this work? Welcome to the cozy brain hour. I am Dr. Ali Matu. And I want you to know this is not therapy. This is definitely not it. I am a clinical psychologist, but I am not your clinical psychologist. This is education. It's entertainment. It's a cozy hangout. It's not a support group. Uh we are all about kindness first here in the Cozy Brain Hour.

And we want you to chat as if you are talking to a friend. uh maybe a friend that's having a hard day or maybe you are having a hard day but you're doing your best to kind of be there for one another. Make sure you stick with the vibe. There is no spam over here. Uh stay on topic, stay curious, and have fun folks. Have fun here at the cozy brain hour. And then also we want to make sure that you remember that awkward is welcome over here.

It is totally okay not to know what to say or to say it in a weird way that we are all about embracing the mess over here. As you saw at the top of my stream, we are all about embracing the mess, folks. Uh this is not a place to be perfect. It's a place just just to be. And then remember to try to keep it light. Share your truth, but skip the graphic stuff. You never know what might be difficult for someone else. So, we we try to keep things light and keep things fun over here.

So, question of the day. I stay up late because I want blank. What is it, folks? What is it that is keeping you up? Uh, Sylvia says, "It usually happens if I'm really interested and engage with something that I really want to finish, like watching a very interesting Dr. Ali Matu video for instance, that is 5 hours long. That video, oh my gosh, never again, folks. I am never doing a fivehour long reaction to a Tik Tok series again.

It was too much. It was too much. And then uh SK I don't know if I got that right said because I want to know how the stream ends. May where are you located? Are you are you somewhere are you somewhere in Asia in Australia in on on over there? Is it is it late night over there? I' I'd love to know. And then Fortune, welcome back, Fortune. Good to see you. Good to see you. Uh, what is it, folks, that keeps that keeps you that keeps you up late?

Um, and this chocolate. Chocolier in the house. Chocolier. I don't have any chocolate right now, but I definitely have some chocolate. Um, I know you're you're the white chocolate person. I'm I'm the dark chocolate. I need to get more of those Toblones that we talked about last time. Um, I I'm I'm craving those, but I'm going to have some chocolate tonight. Um, and Chocolatar says to have solo quiet time interrupted.

Gosh, I hear that all the time, folks. Here's the thing. There are two reasons why. One, two, two reasons why we're talking about this today. Number one, this has come up here on on our um community. So, I want to share this data with you. I was wondering I I posted this a few days ago and close to 900 people uh responded to this which is a pretty good pretty good uh result that tells me that like a lot of people are interested in this question and the question I asked is what's your top sleep goal right now?

In the last few cozy brain hours sleep has been coming up more and so I thought let's let's talk about sleep. And so the number one thing that came up, no big surprise here, is wake up with more energy. It wasn't fall asleep faster, which I thought maybe that would be the thing. I'm an anxiety guy, so to me, my head always goes towards insomnia, like thoughts, um, worries, all all these things that might keep someone up late and they want to get to sleep faster.

And, you know, 21% of people said, "Yeah, fewer wakeups." Um, my I have a three-year-old son who seems to have forgotten how to put himself back to bed if he wakes up in the middle of the night. So, sometimes he comes and wakes me up, but for you all, you know, 18%. So, not a huge chunk. Um, and then the last one there was reduced nightmares, 5%, not a big issue. Number one issue for you all by far, you want to wake up with more energy, 57%.

So, if that's if that fits you, let me know, chat. Let me know if that's fits you, that you want more energy in the morning. Here's what really surprised me. I posted a followup. Oh my gosh. When I asked, "What's the real reason you stay up late?" And I asked this question because the last uh this last question, what's your top sleep goal? In the comments, what surprised me so much is people were saying, "I don't have a sleep.

I don't have a problem falling asleep. I have a problem staying with a bedtime or going to bed when I am supposed to, when I know I'm tired. I stay up later than I should. And this kept coming up over and over and over again. And I was really, really surprised by that. I was really surprised. So, I posted a follow-up. The real reason I stay up late, and again, the number one thing here is I want more me time after a long day.

And then some of you said uh that was 58% who said that and then 26% said I get stuck scrolling or watching. Some of you said I dread tomorrow and put it off. And then a few said no one holds me accountable. So this is a thing a lot of you are experiencing and it turns out apparently I am too. I got into a big fight last week. Uh, I don't know if fight is the right word, but I felt like crap after a conversation with my wife.

That's not a fight. That's just me feeling bad. But, uh, I I didn't get a lot of sleep one night. I stayed up too late. I stayed up too late working. I was working on stuff for you all. I was working on stuff for other people. And the way my evenings are is once I pick up the kids from school, it's a rush. It's a rush to get them fed, to for my daughter to get her homework done, then to get everyone changed, brush teeth, get them to bed, and then by that time it's like 900 p.m.

Then we have to clean. We have to clean dishes, put things away. The house is in a total mess. There's a bunch of food under our dining table. We don't want ants to come in. Got to clean all that stuff. Then it's 10:30. Okay, now I can get maybe like a half an hour, a hour of hangout time with my wife and we can actually talk to adults. And then after that, I feel stressed because I still have all this work to do. So then I was working on these documents and I was working on these emails and I was trying to get all this stuff done.

I didn't go to bed until like 2:30 in the morning. Uh, I woke up. I was really irritable. I was really grouchy. And then my wife called me out on and said, "We can't keep living like this." Because you know what our daughter asked us? Our daughter asked us, "Is it mad daddy that's waking up this morning or is it nice daddy?" And the difference there is in how much sleep I get. Another piece of the background here is I got long COVID late last year and it it was fortunately better than what a lot of people have had.

But but for me, if I don't get a lot of good sleep, my focus and mood is completely off the next day. And I keep stumbling into this. And apparently, so so are you. So I need some help. I need some help, chat. Matt says, "Four hours of sleep by choice because responsibilities when I wake up." I feel you, Matt. I feel your pain. I feel your pain so much here. Um, uh, so I need some help, folks. I This is not something I I can I can do by myself.

So, I'm bringing in a guest. Not only am I bringing in a guest, but I am bringing in Dr. Vanessa Hill, sleep scientist. You might know her as a content creator. She is the brain behind Braincraft. um one of the first people who like I when I was starting out on YouTube, I looked up to Vanessa so much and she was one of the first YouTubers I met when I had made like under 10 videos uh and had under a thousand subscribers and um Dr.

Hill was so gracious and kind and supportive um and so you probably know her YouTube channel. If you don't, you should check it out, Braincraft. Um, and a the reason why I wanted to bring in Vanessa is she had a Instagram post that I saw about bedtime procrastination and what it really is and sometimes it it's not a problem and sometimes it does become a problem. So, I want to untangle all of this and get some tips and suggestions and hopefully hopefully my plan for my plan is Dr.

Vanessa is just going to fix this for me. I I think she can totally do that, right? Um we we can get uh Dr. Vanessa to to fix us. So, Dr. Vanessa Hill, let's let's bring her on over here. Um Dr. Vanessa Hill, how are you? >> Hi. How are you? >> I am so good. I'm so good. Thank you so much for joining us. And of course, >> yeah, welcome to the Cozy Brain Hour. Um, I have questions, Dr. Vanessa. I have I have a lot of questions for you.

Um, my first question is why why am I not going to bed when I should be going to bed? >> It's so funny to me that as a clinician, right, as a therapist, you're asking me, a researcher, these questions. >> Yes. Well, here's the thing is uh I learned a lot about cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia. >> Mhm. >> No one was talking about bedtime procrastination when I was in grad school, >> but this is like become a thing now.

It's not just a Tik Tok trend. This is like >> it's so interesting because it's it has become a thing. I would say it was accelerated by the pandemic. Like a lot of people when we were in that place of despair in the middle of 2020, we were just using our phones delaying our bedtime. We were working from home. We didn't have a an alarm like we used to. We didn't have to commute. So there was a lot of that happening. But bedtime procrastination has been around for a long time.

I actually wrote in one of my research papers that in 1993, Jerry Seinfeld did a sketch about it. Super funny. You can find it on YouTube. Yeah. It's called night guy, morning guy. And he talks about his night guy just wanting to have fun and wanting extra extra time to himself and and to do those fun things and being like, "Ah, morning guy can deal with that tomorrow." Right? >> So, so that's kind of the the first big question I have is like, >> is this is this a toxic habit or are we really just talking about self-care? it.

It's so interesting because I don't think you can really place it in those black and white terms personally. Um I don't personally I don't like to label anything as toxic. I don't know about you, but I think wrapped up in both bedtime procrastination and using screens before sleep, there's a lot of guilt and a lot of shame around it where people are like, "Oh, this is so bad. I shouldn't be doing it, but I just want some me time.

I've been giving all of my time to my employer all day. I've been with my kids all day. I just need this one hour to myself. And they end up feeling really, really guilty about that. So, I think that sometimes it can be an unhelpful habit if you were feeling really tired the next day. And then sometimes it can be self-care. In that Instagram post that you just mentioned, I said earlier this week in my research, people have said to me, you know, I shouldn't be doing this.

I know this is bad. And they're only using their phone or procrastinating their bedtime by like 15 or 20 minutes. And that's not really something that you need to worry about. And then there are people, you know, perhaps similar to yourself that are delaying sleep by many hours every night or every second night. And that is more cause for concern. >> Yeah. that uh that is I I saw that in your post and I I was like the >> the shame that gets wrapped up in this.

So 10 15 minutes it's maybe something like like you said in your post maybe this is something that is just soothing you and it's actually helping you to fall asleep. There's so much shame wrapped up in this. And yeah, I put toxic in that question for for the algorithm here because it's >> it's such a drey way to talk about this stuff, but I I never use that. I never use that and broken are are two words I never use, but a lot of people use.

Mhm. >> Um you also mentioned in um in your post and in Substack, you've been talking about how blue light might not be that bad right before >> and we should we need to have a broader conversation about what is this stuff doing for me? Like is it helping me soothe me? Can you just talk a little bit about that? Like are we like are we is there too much blue light panic out there? There is way too much blue light panic.

There's a popular misconception that blue light is wrecking our sleep and ruining our sleep. Except if you actually look at the the literature and look at the research that's been done, it doesn't suggest that at all. And these types of studies are really controlled studies, right? Like they have people in rooms where they're controlling the light level. They're giving them a certain bedtime. Like it's not just us at our home.

And when people are using screens, so say the whole room is dark, they just have an iPad on and they're using the iPad for an hour or so before they go to bed, there's pretty minimal effect on the time it takes for people to p fall asleep, their sleep duration, their sleep quality. And this has been seen over many studies. Actually, what is bad for our sleep are ceiling lights, overhead lights at home. when they are way too bright, it can actually suppress our melatonin more and we have trouble falling asleep because of that.

So, I think that our screens and our phones get vilified, but if you think of how bright your phone is compared to how bright all of the lights are in your house, it's really not bright at all. Turn all of the lights off and put your phone on the dimmer setting and there's not that much light around, right? So, I think if we're just light conscious perhaps and we have our phones on certain settings and we're more considerate about the lights in our homes, that can be a better way to manage our sleep and our our melatonin to make sure that's decent. >> That's wild.

That is wild to me. I had Dr. Vanessa, I had uh my optitian sold me on blue light filters on my glasses a few years ago >> and I I was like, "Okay, great. I'm going to have these filters. I'm going to be able to work late at night and then fall asleep really fast. It's going to be it's going to be good." >> Um I hated them because it it gave this uh it it >> it changes the color of the whole world, doesn't it? I hate it, too.

Yeah. It was like I was walking through this like uh really bad like uh 2012 Instagram filter or something. That's what it that's what it felt like. Not a fan. So these ones don't have that. And so it's so maybe I should worry more about the light in my environment as I'm starting to wind down. Yeah. >> Yeah, definitely. >> So dim it down or or have have more what are those things called? Sconces. lights on the side or like little lamps. >> Yeah, I I I like uplighting.

I'm quite opinionated about light actually from the result of all of this research and just my personal preference. There's this Tik Tok trend called the big light. I don't know if anyone here has seen it, but where where people vilify the big light in your house and they'll have small lamps and up lighting and things like that. But I think a lamp is just an easy solution. It doesn't have to be any particular type of lamp.

You have a very nice lamp behind you there. And I would and I I think that if you do want to have >> if you do want to have a bit more control, having dimmable lights, perhaps having smart light bulbs that you can dim, you can change to be red or orange if you desire. Even though that doesn't matter that much, honestly, it's more about the the brightness of the lights rather than the temperature of them. Uh that can really help.

Yeah, Vest says, uh, "Oh, no, just realize that blue light thing sounds much more like marketing sales catch." Which, >> yeah, >> definitely. I think that I think that part of it is marketing. I think a lot of things that purport to improve your sleep are really marketing and advertising. If you think about certain light bulbs, you can buy, lamps, blue light glasses, all of those things. You can spend so much money trying to improve your sleep.

Except honestly, you could just go to IKEA and buy a $15 lamp and it would probably do the same thing as all of those other >> Yeah. I mean, this is Target. This is Target. >> There you go. >> Yeah. We're not We're not sponsored by any specific brand. Target, Amazon, IKEA, you do you. >> You know what though? I would love to get that sponsorship. >> Yeah, we're available. We're available. >> Yeah, we are available. Our inboxes are open.

And Koala says, "Thank you, Dr. Vanessa. Uh, first time I feel good about not having a working light in my bedroom. >> Perfect. Keep it dark. >> Yeah, that's a solution. That that definitely works. >> Um, all right. So, uh, we got some light. Okay. So, let's have let's have some uplight. Let's be mindful of the light in our environment. Um, >> you you've done research on this topic. You've also um started to develop a program to help people to deal with the bedtime procrastination.

So, I'm curious, what is the number one reason why people put off their bedtime even though they're exhausted and they know they should probably go to sleep? >> I'd say the number one reason people procrastinate their bedtime is me time. People just want some time for themselves. And that could be driven by different things. Perhaps people have niche interests that they want to explore. Perhaps they're just feeling a little anxious or stressed or kind of blah and they just want to watch a YouTube video or do a crossword or play a game on their phone just to help them deal with that emotion.

For other people, they just want to have fun. They just want to watch something on TV or YouTube or Tik Tok that makes them feel something, you know, excited, happy, having a good time, enjoying themselves. So, there's all of these different reasons why people want me time. For others, it could be because they've been at work all day giving all of their time to their employer and they just want some time for themselves.

The same thing is often said of new parents. So, for those people, they just really want to reclaim some of that time for themselves. >> So, do you know if this has changed over time? Because I have a theory here. I've um >> What's your theory? >> Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. So my theory is that um the the world has changed a little bit since our parents' generation. >> There's there's far less uh friction to contact people.

So whether that is uh email, uh Slack, um DMs, all that sort of stuff. So like work has sort of crept into more of our personal lives and as a result people are doing more work at home. They're staying up later doing that kind of stuff. These boundaries are kind of kind of wishy-washy >> cuz when I I I think a lot about my parents and what were they like as parents >> and my dad was always home at 5:15 and then after that he didn't really get like calls from work.

He didn't there was no email really. Um and he could sort of be a little bit more present at home and I think he could start his windown earlier than someone like me. So I don't know is that is am I just saying like oh the boomers they had everything better like or or do you think there might be something here? >> I think there's something there. I think there's blurred lines between our personal enjoyment, phone time, between our work if we're on email and things like that.

In my research, people have told me, "Oh, I have trouble sleeping at night because I have a smart baby monitor and I can only access the baby monitor on my phone. So, I get my phone to check on my baby and then I check my work email and then I'm on Instagram and then I'm replying to an email from my boss and then I'm back on TikTok and then all of a sudden I've been up for 45 minutes in the middle of the night. So, I think there is this blurred line between work and perhaps family commitments and our personal de-stress or leisure, whatever it may be.

I think you're on to something. It it is so hard to put up those boundaries and no one >> will do it for you. If you don't do it, no one will do it for you. I've been working on a project recently and this project has this global team. >> Mhm. >> So half of the team is in China. >> And so when I'm winding down, they're waking up. So when I am getting ready for bed, they're now responding to all the messages I sent during the day.

And it is so hard to not respond to them right there. >> I feel that I'm Australian, but I live in California. So when I'm going to bed and winding down in California, all of my friends and family in Australia messaging me, sending me photos, things like that. And you have to be so intentional about disconnecting with your phone and turning off your phone. And I think that it sounds a lot easier than it is. And a lot of the tech companies will be like, "Oh, but we've given you all of these tools for digital well-being.

You can have sleep mode. You could have windown mode. You can make your screen grayscale to make it less visually appealing for you. But we are still all just fallible human beings. And it can be really hard to actually adhere to those rules even when we put those rules in place." So I did this interview based study where we were just asking people, hey, why do you procrastinate your bedtime? Because even though there had been so many studies about bedtime procrastination, they had all been designs where people had been sent surveys.

So no one had actually asked people like, "Hey, what's your experience of bedtime procrastination? What do you do when you go to bed? What are you using to procrastinate your bedtime?" And we did this study and I didn't even ask people this question. This response just came up in almost every person we interviewed where they would be like, "Well, I try to stop using my phone at 9:00 or 10 o'clock or 11 o'clock. I put on bedtime mode.

I put on sleep mode." A lot of people said, "I have a child lock that goes on my phone at 11:00 p.m. or 11:30 p.m. And for almost all of these people, they were like, "Oh, yeah, but then it comes on and I disable it. I know I know the passcode for the child lock." So every single night, child lock comes on my phone and then I turn it off. And I thought this was fascinating because up until that point, the advice a lot of people were giving for bedtime procrastination was, "Oh, but just put your phone in the other room, put sleep mode on, you'll be fine." And a lot of us can't do that.

And even though we know it's the good thing to do and the or the the the best way perhaps to protect our sleep, we just still can't execute that. >> Yeah. Yeah. Um Vest says, um my grandparents used to have supper around 6:00 p.m. and were ready for bed by 9:00 p.m. Like if you go back, right, I know, I know. Oh my gosh. Uh like if you go back far enough, we just didn't have options to do anything at night. There was no electricity. there was no so you just wanted >> you know I actually looked into this cuz I was trying to figure out when people had a bedtime like when the concept of bedtime was actually introduced and it was around the industrial revolution because that's when people actually had set times that they would start work not just sunrise or or something like that based on what was more agricultural work but I I went to a museum and I saw lamps that they had in ancient Rome and I was like well in ancient Rome then did they have more set bedtimes?

Did they stay up later and use their lamps? And the lamps were powered by or fueled by olive oil, which I thought was so funny. And olive oil was actually quite expensive. So it was rare that people would use the lamps unless they were, you know, the the upper class of the time because they couldn't afford the olive oil for their lamp light to be able to write or read or converse or play games or whatever they were doing.

Anyway, just a tidbit for you. Imagine not being able to afford olive oil. I have like five different types of olive oil in my kitchen. >> Oh, I I I use it all the time. Um I So it it might have been staying up late might have been literally a luxury back back in those days. Yeah. >> Oh my gosh. Okay. Um question here, >> Dr. Vanessa. What about exercising before bed? Good >> uh bad is it going to help or is it going to hurt? >> Yeah, like a lot of things, the answer to this is nuanced.

So the advice used to be that exercising before bed was bad and that it could keep you up and and you know arouse your both your body and mind and you know things like that. The advice now is that for some people that is the case but for others it's not right. I mean you can even think of things like caffeine sensitivity. If I have a coffee at 9:00 p.m. I cannot fall asleep at all. Someone like my dad he used to have an espresso after dinner and he would just be asleep 30 minutes later.

So for some people these things affects us and for some it doesn't. The thing about exercise is that exercising during the day is actually linked to better sleep quality and a shorter amount of time to fall asleep. So that can be really good. And then another thing that can be good in the evening is low impact exercise. So, if you think yoga or pilates, stretching, these kinds of activities that can really help us unwind and de-stress and get in the mood for bed and not use our phones as well if we're actually doing something physical like that. >> Yeah, that that is the thing that helped me with my uh pandemic era insomnia.

So, in in my last sleep episode, I had Dr. Helen Sue on to help me with my sleep. This is becoming a theme now. And um at that time it was insomnia. So I was having all these worries >> when I hit the bed. And my old ways of coping weren't working anymore. And the thing that helped me was big physical stretching of the entire body right before I get into bed. That that made a big difference over here. >> Um I also um the exercise before bed.

Uh this is a conversation I have with with patients. Sometimes it gets to sex in bed and I tell my patients all the time like you want your bed to be a sanctuary for sleep and the only things you should do there are the things that help you fall asleep and for some people sex can wake them up. >> Um and then for a lot of people for most people it kind of makes them tired and so like >> there is no right answer when it comes to a lot of these things and that makes sense for physical activity too. >> Yeah.

Yeah. I think it's important to reflect on ourselves and what helps calm you down and then what amps you up or gets you excited and and makes it difficult for you to fall asleep. And a lot of these things have to be personalized. That's why I'm really not a fan of one-sizefits-all sleep advice because things like our personality even affect our sleep. So, everyone is just a little bit different. But then how are we supposed to make content that goes viral if we can't have these big thing to fix your sleep problems forever?

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. >> This is a thing. >> Look, look, this is this is almost a different conversation, but I think that's the power of having this kind of health information on the internet is that we can provide nuance. You're not just going to your doctor and pick picking up a brochure on sleep hygiene and it's telling you to do these 20 things. Like you can actually understand more about the current research, about yourself, about the nuances with sleep and health and apply that to your own life in a way that I think is cooler. >> Yeah, I agree.

I agree. >> More helpful. >> Yeah. >> So, you talk about tomorrow aversion. What What is that? because I think I might have it. >> Tomorrow aversion is where you don't want to go to bed because you're somehow dreading the next day beginning. This can be popular when you really don't like your job. A population that I have studied a lot of my research are new career starters. So people who have graduated from university recently, they've just joined the workforce, they're starting their career.

And it was so interesting to me with this these people because when you're first starting out, you have an entry-level position. You're often doing really crappy work. Like you don't have a lot of autonomy. People aren't treating you that well, like you have expertise. You're being micromanaged by people. You're often getting the bad shifts or working the worst hours compared to all of your colleagues. So, a lot of people who are entry- level workers or who have just started their job have tomorrow aversion where they're staying up late using their phone, exploring their interest, getting that me time in because they don't want to go to work the next morning. >> I have um I think I have this.

So, I on the weekdays I really hate the mornings. >> Doug, I hate them. So, it's >> it's I have to get up. I have to get ready before my kids get wake before they wake up. And then >> it's so hard because that means you're getting up at 6:30 in the morning to have a shower and and everything when you just want to lie in bed and use your phone. I have the same I have the same experience with my daughter. >> Yeah. >> And if I don't do that, then I'm not going to like take a shower and then then I feel like disgusting and all that stuff.

Like I I enjoy taking a shower >> and then I got to get the kids ready and they don't want to get out of bed. Uh, and then I got to take him to school and I like walking my daughter to school, but then racing back. Um, my my wife is getting my son ready and then got to take him to daycare. I I'm not like free to be myself until like 9:30. And just those hours, I I dread them and I hate them. The weekend's totally different. >> The weekends I love.

I have no tomorrow version. It's great. There's no rush. Um, yeah. >> So, how do I not have how do I be tomorrow? What's the opposite of aversion? Uh, uh, uh, love. Uh, >> I was thinking the same thing, but I was like, no, I'm not going to say it to pro tomorrow. >> Pro tomorrow. But then it's procrastinate. It's uh, we need we need a word. Chat, give us a good word for for the >> Someone watching surely. Yeah. Yeah.

Use AI. This is the perfect use case. things don't work. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> So, how do I how do I look forward more to to that? >> That that is somewhat a deep philosophical question that I don't know if I can easily easily solve for you. One thing I will say that we've tried in some of our research is for people to find moments of me time throughout the day. So if you are commuting to your job, if you are on your lunch break, can you use those small opportunities to watch that YouTube video you want to watch, to read that news article you want to read, to listen to a podcast, whatever it may be, and to reframe that as me time rather than just dead time when you're driving or you're just sitting in the break room eating your lunch.

Like, can you put headphones in? Can you zone out? Can you make that time for yourself? Perhaps when you first get home from work, if your kids aren't home from school yet or if your partner's not home, can you take 30 minutes to have some me time then so it's not all piling up and piling up and you have this huge stretch of time in the evening that you want to to keep for yourself. >> I love that. Um when uh back when you and I both lived in New York um and I was working at the hospital like full full full full time.

Um the thing I looked forward to the most was riding the subway and just listening to my favorite stupid ridiculous podcasts >> and that was such it was just it felt like such a luxury that I can do whatever I want. No one can bug me. I'm surrounded by a million strangers but no one knows what I who I am and what I'm doing. Um, so I love that like finding more me time in the day. >> Yeah. >> Um, we've got I think we got a word.

I think we got a word. Dr. Vanessa, tomorrow positive. Claire says, "Tomorrow positive." >> Tomorrow positive. Maybe tomorrow positivity even. >> Yeah. Great suggestion. >> I like that. I like that. >> Yeah. Um, >> Koala is seconding that. Koala, are you are you Australian connected? Like wondering the same. Is it is it 3:00 a.m. for Koala? Qua, do you need to go to sleep? You can you can let my video run in the background so I keep getting the views and you can go to sleep.

Yeah, please. Let's let's help each other out. Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. >> So, okay, modernday stuff. >> Dr. Vanessa, is bedtime procrastination just a Gen Z problem? Are we talking about the kids are just on TikTok too much? Is is that really this issue? I think that bedtime procrastination can be more prevalent in Gen Z people um because research has shown that they tend to experience more stress and anxiety.

So if you think of bedtime procrastination as this coping mechanism, as this behavior that we do to help us deal with our negative emotions, then perhaps it's more likely that Gen Z do it. And also in all of the survey data that we see, younger people are more likely to use their phones or use their phones for more time during the day and they're also more likely to use them at bedtime in bed. Right? So if you kind of put all these pieces together, then I would say yeah, Jenz are probably using their phones more, using them more at bedtime, more stressed out, more likely to use technology to help them deal with those emotions.

I I've um I don't know if you've come across these videos, but uh there's all these videos of Gen Z people like rediscovering old tech and single >> I love those. Yeah, they're really they're really fun. Yeah. And it makes you feel so old when you see them like, "Oh gosh." Okay. >> I I feel so inspired by a lot of these video. I feel old and inspired like >> Oh, good. Oh, you're taking something positive from it. >> Yeah. like maybe I should maybe I should weave more of those back into my life.

So, I think one of the best things I've done for my sleep is um I got I got this guy. I got the um uh I got a Coobo e-reader >> and all it really does is I got books here >> and um I love it. Um it just it's such a joyful experience because it can't notify me. >> It can't like pull me into my email and stuff. Yeah, I I'm so happy that you mentioned this because something that people often ask me is as a bedtime procrastination expert, how do I actually manage my own bedtime?

A lot of people think that I am an ethereal saint and I do everything right because I are not true at all. That is not true at all because I'm I'm a human person and I still do want to use my phone in bed a lot of the time. I still do want to take time for myself. I still need me time. And what I have done that works for me is replace technology with different technology. So instead of taking my phone into the bedroom and using my phone, I will leave my phone at the bedroom door.

I have a little table with a charging station set up. And then at my bedside table, I have a Kindle. So very similar to your Coobo. And then I have an old tablet as well. It's just like a small tablet and what I have on the tablet is nothing that can connect me to email or social media or anything like that. I have the calm app. I have podcast apps. I have music apps and I really like to listen to audio books to fall asleep or if I wake up in the middle of the night, I'll listen to a sleep story or a meditation or something like that.

So I have earbuds that are constantly getting lost in the bed because I can't listen on speaker because my husband is there too, right? So I will listen to audio books with one earbud in to fall asleep or I'll read a Kindle until I'm tired. So I I think it's impossible in our current society to not use technology all the time, but I've just curated this very um it's almost like an analog experience in a way where it's very passive.

It's disconnected and it's just the best way for me to actually wind down and listen to some content but still be able to fall asleep at roughly the same time every night. You're kind of doing that single use or at least more uses that are are like good for good for your brain. You're crafting >> more brain positive stuff. Um Koala, we've got an update on Koala. In the UK's in the UK, so 3:30 a.m. would be early for me to go to bed.

Um okay, we're we're happy. We're happy you're you're in a good place here, Koala. Um, okay. So, I'm I'm kind of wondering, um, I want to talk we we keep talking about tech and and technology here. I want to talk about Tik Tok. >> What are some of the dumbest sleep, bedtime procrastination hacks, tips you've come across? The kind of things that really get your blood pressure going and make it hard for you to fall asleep.

Like what's the stuff you see on TikTok that you think is the worst advice for sleep? >> Your question assumes that I'm judging every single video that I see about sleep. And I really try to have an open mind about it because sleep can be really hard and people can go to extreme lengths to try to fall asleep or to try to make their sleep that little bit easier. So I increasingly try to approach things as objectively as possible.

Something that does make me a little mad is mouth taping. And not because it it can't be useful for some people is that people often assume that it's good. Assume that they should do it and don't speak to their doctor or dentist or anyone about that. um sleep apnea which is a a condition that when you're asleep you have blocked uh or constricted airways and you can wake up gasping for air like your blood oxygen can dip while you're sleeping is quite common more common than you may think and it's estimated that up to 30 million people in the US have undiagnosed sleep apnea so it actually just really stresses me out when I see so many people taping their mouth shut while they sleep and I really just want them to get a sleep apnea assessment or just to mention this to their doctor just to make sure that that is safe for them because it could be something that is not safe for a lot of people.

And so that does that does stress me out and it seems like it's something that's been kind of co-opted by a lot of wellness people, podcast bros without really any solid evidence. And again, if it's something that you do and you don't have sleep apnea and you like it, whatever, live your life. But it's just the >> the veilance that is almost prescribed to this like, oh, mouth taping is good when it it's not necessarily.

And I just think it's kind of weird and unpleasant. Like, who would want to sleep with your mouth taped closed? It seems awful. It's such a u it's one of those medium is a messages kind of moments because I I think the tape in your mouth kind of it also took off because it's so visually interesting like you want to click on that thumbnail you want to watch that Tik Tok cuz it's it's so >> and a lot of people will use duct tape I mean there is now special mouth tape that you can buy you could buy it at your your local pharmacy but a lot of people will just use all kinds of random tape on their mouth which is is worse because it's not breathable and it's probably taking your skin off with it. >> Yeah.

Koala says, "Taping your mouth looks shady in my humble opinion." And I I think it's >> Kala knows what's up. >> Koala knows what's up. Koala knows what's up. Um I have one last question for you. Uh Dr. Vanessa, this is this has been so amazing. I I wish I wish you could be here guiding me through my sleep every every single day. Um or every single night. Um, if people want to start working on their bedtime procrastination, what do you think is the number one most important thing they they start with?

What's what's the easiest win for them? Something that everyone watching could can do today? >> The number one thing that people can do to try to reduce the amount of time they're spending procrastinating their bedtime is to try to form a new habit at bedtime. So to try to substitute their current habit, so whatever it is that you're doing to procrastinate at your bedtime with something different. So when we look at behavior change and habit science, we know it's really really hard to break a habit.

So if you are using if your habit is just scrolling through your phone, right? Like if every night you're just sitting there scrolling, you're playing computer games, you're using your phone, whatever it may be, it's really hard to actually stop that behavior. So sit back and think to yourself, why am I doing this? What am I getting out of it? And what's something else that I can do that could have a similar effect on me, but that I'm able to walk away from and try to implement that habit.

Right? So for me, when I first started reading before bed, I actually downloaded the Kindle app on my phone, and you can set it to scroll mode, and I actually would just scroll through books. And I would do this on like >> Yes. And I would do this on my tablet, right, that isn't connected to anything that doesn't have any other fun app. So I'm not able to just exit out and go do something else. Like I would actually just scroll through books on my my tablet.

And that's how I started. And then eventually I I graduated off scroll mode and I started turning pages and then I actually got a real Kindle. So that was how I substituted my Instagram at bedtime habit and my Reddit habit with reading. So I think that if we think about it in terms of like what are these cues that are really driving our behavior and how can we how can we think about other things we can do that might get to that same thing that's a really good thing to do.

The worst advice that you can that people give in terms of bedtime procrastination is using willpower or using self-control and saying things like, "Oh, you're having trouble going to bed on time. Set a bedtime alarm. Just go to bed earlier." Because that's exactly what people can't do. And when you think about your behavior and your psychology in the evening, it's almost like you have a different brain in the evening than you have during the day. >> I have no willpower.

I have no willpower. That's >> your willpower is all gone. You have used all your self-control throughout the day just living your normal life and you have none you have none left. So you actually have to consider okay I can't rely on willpower at all in the evening. So, I need to set up my environment in a way that really supports me going to bed. So, I actually have the light, we have smart lights in our house. I have the lights go off at a certain time.

I have white noise start playing in my bedroom at a certain >> Oh, that sounds so nice. That sounds so chill. >> I, you know, I have my phone go on sleep mode at a certain time because I know that I can't trust my own willpower. And your environment can really help shape your habits and shape your behavior. So, I've set up all of these environmental cues to like force myself to go to bed. >> Okay, I'm going to give you one a one minute challenge.

Um, easy question. Easy question. So, how do you settle this argument with me and my wife that I am staying up late to try to get more work done and she's like, Ali, this is this is really bad for our entire family. What should Ali be thinking when it's like 11:30 and my brain is saying start winding down and then the other part of my brain's like oh no you're behind on all these messages you need to get back to people on like what should I do >> you should quit your job you have no work anymore to an island perhaps like off the coast of Canada Vancouver Island Alaska up there the the in winter the light's going get dark really early.

Okay. >> Uh you could be like a berry farmer or something like that. I would love that. >> Back to back to basics. >> I'd love to be a lavender farmer. That would be >> It's the only It's the only way. >> All right. I I'm going to tell her I'm going to tell my wife that that that you said that. Uh Dr. Vanessa, >> ask me again. Ask me again. Maybe I I I'll have a different answer the second time. >> Quickest. Should I be doing my work or should I do something else?

Like what would what would be the best thing for me to do? >> I think you should have a time when you stop working. Set a time where you're like, "Okay, this is the time I start working every night and now I start my windown." I really like windowns where you can't use technology at all. like having a shower, um a skin care ritual where you're washing your face, you're putting on creams, you're doing stretches, you're doing yoga.

Like even if you can just have 15 minutes of this where you have a complete detachment from technology and then you can get into bed and you can read your book, you can listen to an audio book, right? So you can get back to that passive technology to help you bridge that gap between finishing your day and being asleep. But I think it's important to if you have that problem where you are using technology to to really have a timer or a time where you stop and you do something that you're not able to use your screens at all. >> That is is a really good advice and I think that's some that is something I honestly I think I can implement and and keep going.

Um, Dr. Vanessa, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being with us. Um, I I'm I'm excited actually to to start uh experimenting with some of the stuff you shared with us today. >> Yeah, definitely. Thank you so much for having me on. And I think for everyone watching, it's important to me that you don't feel bad about your sleep. That if you are procrastinating your bedtime, you know that that's normal. It's such a common thing.

Like survey data suggests that 50% or more than just over 50% of all people are procrastinating their bedtime at least a couple of nights a week. So it is a pretty common thing. I think that it's a problem if you are tired during the day and you might want to start to think about ways that you could reduce your bedtime procrastination, but trying to stop completely probably isn't realistic. So give yourself a break more than anything.

Well, that's a great That's a great >> It's a t It's a hard hard world out there. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> We'll have to cope somehow. >> Uh Dr. Vanessa, we'll see you again uh next time sometime. And yeah, thanks so much. And um happy happy sleep tomorrow. Positivity. Tomorrow positive. >> Happy Friday. >> Happy Friday. Bye, Vanessa. Folks, if you want more from Dr. Vanessa, check out her work. Um she she's fantastic. She's been such a good friend um over the years and um she's got again amazing YouTube channel Braincraft.

Uh one of the first people I met in this whole YouTube world and has always been such a kind and supportive person. If you like psychology, um sleep, scientific cool stuff, um Dr. Vanessa Hill is is your person. and uh she has been doing a lot on Tik Tok and Instagram about all the stuff we're talking about today. So, please please do go um check out her stuff. And you know, one of the things I was thinking about here, Dr.

Vanessa is talking about not feeling shame for all of this stuff. Uh yeah, Nigel, she is cool. She is very cool. You know how cool she is? She just recently got her PhD. So, she's newly minted Dr. Hill. Not only is that cool, but what what is cool is she went to her PhD graduation in pajamas. She was wearing pajamas underneath her doctorate robes because like sleep science is what she does and that's what she's been studying and this is what is um what she's trying to help the world with.

And Koala says, "No pressure on ourselves. Dr. Vanessa is so nice." She's so nice. She's she's the real deal. Um, she's she I I I can't believe I forgot to bring this up, but she had a YouTube original show that was a sleep competition. It was all about who could get the best sleep at night. And I was actually one of the judges on it along with um my good good friend Dr. not Dr. Well, Dr. Vanessa Hill at the time she wasn't a doctor.

She was it was kind of the experience that that led her to be to become doctor. But then also our friend uh Trace Dominguez who many of you might remember from Dne News and now Uno Dose of Trace his own YouTube channel. Um we were all doing this uh this uh sleep show that that she produced and we were talking a lot about the stuff. She's so cool. She's so cool. Um yes, congrats Dr. Dr. Vanessa, congrats to you. Uh, nice show says that's so gangster.

Go to your doctor in PJs. I love it. You saw it, Lori. You saw that show. Um, oh, oh my gosh, I'm blanking on the name now. What was it? Sleeping with friends. Sleeping with friends. I love that show, Lori. Fun fact, it was the last real thing I did before California shut down for CO. We filmed that thing days before California shut down. Um we were all it was we were all in this house together and we were hearing about this CO thing coming and so um people were sanitizing all the surfaces and we were shaking hands doing this elbow thing.

Little did we know it was this airbor problem and we were all in this small house together all squeezed together. Gosh, what a weird time that was. But Koala, I want to uh get to your comment here. No pressure on ourselves. Dr. Vanessa is so nice. I 100% agree. There is so so much shame in the world right now about all the things that we do. And I think one of the big problems is our sense of what nor what is normal is completely warped.

Our sense of what's normal is based so much on what we see on social media. And what we mostly see on social media is fiction. It's stuff from influencers. It's stuff from professional brands. It's stuff from It's stuff that curated and created to try to get you to take some kind of action. Social media stopped being social a long time ago. It is very hard to get updates in your social feed that are actually from people you know.

And then even if you do do get updates from people you know, you're not really seeing the struggles behind the update. So someone is posting on LinkedIn about this new job opportunity. You're not hearing about all the failed job interviews. You're not hearing about all the stress they have. You're not getting any of that sort of stuff. You're not hearing about all the times they've been passed over for a promotion. And when you see someone on Instagram posting about their vacation, you're not seeing how much credit card debt they might actually have to go on this vacation.

Right? There's there's all of this reality that we are not getting exposed to. So what happens is we compare ourselves to what we see on social media and you don't see all the people Dr. Dr. Vanessa was talking about about how about about but about but about but about but about but about but about but about but about what was that ollie I don't know I got a little glitch little glitch there in the matrix Dr. Vanessa was talking about how about 50% of people are experiencing this bedtime procrastination.

They are staying up late because they want some me time, because they hate their job, because they're they're stressed, because they want to get ahead on the day, because they want to do something chill, whatever it is, about 50% of people do this during the week. But do you see that on social media? Are people talking about, "Hey, I had a real No one's posting on LinkedIn. Extremely proud and humbled to note that I fell asleep on time for the first time last night this whole week." No one posts that.

That stuff doesn't cut through on the algorithm. No. So, people don't really post about their struggles. So, our senses of norm are completely off. When most of our social interaction is happening on social media, yeah, we're going to be biased towards something that is fiction and not really true. Um, uh, Braincraft, Dr. Vanessa says, "Thanks for having me on, Dr. Ali, the OG." That's right, OG YouTubers. Um, I uh uh I have so many fond memories of hanging out and meeting YouTube people back in those back in those days back in the 2015 era.

U Thank you for being on, Dr. Vanessa. Good to good to talk to you. Um and Claire says it's the old cognitive distortion of shoulding and musting. So when I was in grad school, uh we learned about um Albert Ellis. this um psychologist behind um this treatment called um not acceptance of commitment. He did rational emotive therapy. Uh Dr. Dr. Albert Ellis did rational emotive therapy. And he he talked a lot about these should statements and must statements that Claire is mentioning.

And Claire, I don't know if you know this, you might know this, you might not, but um he he also, I think, was a singer, like an amateur singer songwriter. And so Dr. Ellis had this song called about um uh should and must statements. And the song was I I'm I've only heard it once in my life. My teacher had an audio tape recording of it. Maybe it exists somewhere on the internet. I don't have access to it, but this is from memory from like 20 years ago.

Okay. The song goes like, "Don't masturbate or should or bait, just masturbate and forget the should or bait and masturbates." It was something like that. And the whole song was about these should statements that I should be doing this, I must be doing that. Like things should be going this way. That's that's all junk. That is your brain telling you all this junk. It's what keeps you ashamed. It's what makes you feel behind.

Um and don't do any of that sort of stuff, but like love yourself. This whole song is about love yourself. But yeah, it's weird. Um uh Claire knows it. Claire knows it. Uh that's awesome. I'm glad I'm glad you're not I'm not the only one here. But uh there is so much shame about this stuff, folks. so much shame. And so this is one of my favorite things about the crow crazy this is one of my favorite things about the cozy brain hour is we got our cozy crew together.

We talk about this stuff. We're honest about the stuff. We're not um we're trying to be we're trying to embrace the honest mess of life here, folks. So um oh and I wanted to share um I I didn't want to take up too much of uh Dr. for Vanessa's time here, but I wanted to share her story. She talks about building these habits and building these habits at night. She talked about two things that I think are super helpful for me that I want to I want to just emphasize a little bit.

She talked about how I should probably have a time where I stop working, which is a very very good idea. I think for me 11:30 p.m. or midnight is a good time for me to stop worrying or working and worrying. Always a good time for me to stop worrying because it takes me about one hour to wind down to turn my brain off. Something I've learned about myself is if I try to go from work straight to to bed, it doesn't work.

My brain is still going on. And that's something I'm wondering for you, Chad. Like, how long does it take you to wind down before you have to go to bed? It takes me about an hour because if I've been working and thinking, my brain is going, well, you can do this, you can do that, you can do that, you can do that, you can do that. And if I go to bed like that, then I'm in bed and my brain's going, well, you could do that, you could do that, you could do that, you could do this, you could do that, you could do that.

Not good. Not good. I stay up late. I I in bed and then I'm like, I can't sleep. And then I know if I'm in bed and I can't sleep, I should get out of bed and do something boring. And then it I I hate doing that even though that is the sleep advice. That is the evidence-based thing. Um so how long how long does it take you? Meme machine says it takes 5 hours. 5 hours to wind down. So, Mi machine, um, if that is your reality, then it becomes incredibly important, I'm guessing, for you to really prioritize your windown time.

It becomes really important for you to make sure you've got that routine and you've got set times where you know, I need to start winding down now because if I don't, it's going to be it's going to be really bad the next day. Um, and Nell says, "I I honestly I never thought winding down was a thing. Laughing my A off. Um, we'll have to try it out tonight." So, I was just talking to a psychologist friend of mine and we were talking about music and I said, "Oh yeah, I'm going to I'm going to I've got this pump up playlist." And my friend's like, "Pump up playlist?

What's that?" And I'm like, when I need to get my energy up, I play this pump up playlist. Um, and it always gets me excited and gets me hyped. And he's like, "Oh, that's cool. You do you do that for like other emotions?" And I'm like, "Yeah, I have a chill out playlist, which plays music that helps me chill." And then I've got a um anxiety playlist. That's music that makes me feel like I can cope. I can deal with this.

I can I can learn from this. I can move forward. And my friend, Dr. Matt, he was like, "You you got this for all these different emotions?" And I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, I do. And I use it all the time. It's like the fastest way for me to change my emotions when I'm out there in the world and I I need something." And he's like, "Wow, I should do this. I never thought to do this." So, uh, you're not alone, Nishelle, in thinking like there are these concrete things you can do to wind down.

I love how Dr. Vanessa, her lights start going off, her phone goes into these modes. Like, it is so important to lock in good self-control when it's easy for you to do that. It is not easy to have willpower and self-control when your willpower and self-control are low. Uh, I talk to people who are struggling with substances, and I mention this all the time. The easiest way for you to cope with your alcohol use or your cannabis use or your nicotine use, the easiest way to deal with it is when it's very easy for you to deal with it.

It's easier to u make the decision not to have alcohol in your home or it's easier to make it very very hard for you to access your cannabis so it's not sitting right there and beckoning you. So make decisions when it's easy to have good willpower. Not late at night, not when you're having cravings, not when you're tired, but do it in the day when your energ is high, your motivation's high. That's when you want to lock it in.

So later on when your willpower gets low, it's easy for you to move forward in the way that you want to move forward. That's what Dr. Vanessa is doing by having these lights go down, by getting the right kind of lights. She talked about uplighting. I never heard that term before. That's a great term. I'm going to start using that. I'm going to use that with my wife and she's going to be like, "Oo, you're so fancy." Uh, no, she probably already knows that term.

But, um, make decisions when it's easy to make those decisions so that it helps you when it's harder to have those, um, those very those very, uh, difficult ones. Oh, Vest, that's very nice of you to say. Dr. All these videos are good for winding down. I really hope these cozy brain hours are kind of cozy. I like making them long. And my hope is always that maybe these are things that people can replay when they want to chill out.

Um, and I've got a a little scoop. I'll tell I'll tell you all uh because you're the cozy crew. Um, next week I'm traveling on Friday, so there's no live stream next week. However, however, I'm going to be posting a 1hour uh chill out video where you can play it and it's just about chilling out. Um, and I'm going to post that on Friday. So, you all have that video available on Friday. So, we're not having the live stream next Friday because I'm going to be on an airplane at the time.

But, I am going to be posting this chill out video and I want to make more of these chill out videos. Koala says, "It takes me hours to get ready for bed, lots to do, and I need to keep resting in between, so it takes me a long time." Yeah, I think for some people takes a long time, for some people it takes less time. It's really about knowing yourself and making decisions that are the best for yourself and and where you're uh and where you are.

Uh Lori says, "I'm watching the stream to wind down while having dinner. love it. I I love being part of a windown, relaxing, chill kind of kind of situation. That's uh um that's that's that's the best. And Mi Machine, I wish I could wind down during the live, but I'm at work right now. Yeah, probably not a place to wind down. Machine, I love you're sneaking us in. I love you got uh you're sneaking in a little cozy brain hour into your into your work.

So, one quick story I want to share. Um, Dr. Vanessa talked about having that time to shut off work. So, for me, it needs to be around midnight so I can give myself an hour to kind of wind down. And then, um, I love that she has a Kindle by her bed that she has this like dumb tablet. I'm going to call it a dumb tablet. It's not her words. It's my words. She described as an old tablet that only has like music and a calm app and like stuff like that, right?

Um, and and those are the kind of things, those are the habits like go into these things that help her wind down. Um, I already mentioned my my e-reader. So, I got my e-reader, which I love. U, I love that it's single use and it kind of helps me chill chill myself out. The other thing that I have that I absolutely love is this thing. This is my little notebook. I carry this with me uh in the evenings. It's in my pocket.

So, when I have ideas, when there's um especially ideas for us for future live streams and content, I write them in here, not on not on this because if I write them down in here, I don't trust myself in the evenings. I'm going to get pulled into Instagram. I'm going to get pulled into DMs. I'm going to get pulled into something that I I don't want to be in. So, what I do instead is I I write stuff down in here. And the other thing I do is when I've got like to-do list stuff, I write it down in here, too.

And then the next day, I can just kind of go through and I can I can deal with uh whatever work stuff is is uh need to needs to be dealt with and I can put it into my computer and all that. So, I do that. The other thing I've learned, so um I actually kind of learned this um uh I learned this actually from a patient of mine. So I had a patient um who we were dealing with with sleep stuff, too. And in retrospect, it was probably a lot of bedtime procrastination, but I was thinking about it much more in terms of insomnia.

And one of the things that he would do is he would go on Reddit and he would go on the Star Trek Reddit community and he he said like sometimes Dr. Elliot helps me and sometimes it just makes me mad. And he described a situation where um there was a fight about there was a debate on this Reddit thread about like the different captains like Captain Kirk versus Captain Bard versus Captain Cisco versus Captain Janeway and it kind of rattled him up and he wanted to kind of get in there and debate it.

And then um and that made it harder for him to fall asleep. And then there was another time someone posted about why wasn't Captain Cisco in command of the USS Defiant in Star Trek First Contact. And that got him then to watch all those videos. And then that got him into a whole rabbit hole of of the algorithm. And I find myself doing this too is sometimes I go on the internet and I find things that chill me out and then other times I find things that piss me off and then other times I find things that scare me.

So, a evening habit I've gotten a lot of benefit from is I now read books about things I like that are kind of boring. So, for example, right now I'm reading this book. It's called Late Star Trek, and it's this super academic exploration of modern Star Trek. And it it activates the the like I love Star Trek. is relaxing, but it doesn't activate those like Reddit fights. It kind of chills me out. It gets me a little bored, actually, and it makes it really easy for me to fall asleep.

So, that kind of stuff is really helping me. And it's an actual book that I'm reading. Um, and it's it's it doesn't pull me into Reddit debates and stuff like that. So, um, that's that's kind of one thing I wanted to share. Um, what about you, Chad? What are what are some of your what are some of your evening habits that really help you to chill out? I want to know. Uh let me know chat. Um and with that folks, it's time to play games with Dr.

Ali. Um I got to work on that jingle. I need to pull that jingle a little bit. We are playing a game called snooze or lose. Here's how this game works. Actually, let me get my easel over here. It's time to get the easel. Check out my easel. We got a easel today. I got to bring it in real close. I get really scared about bringing in my easel cuz you don't you don't see this, but this office is tiny. It is small. And if I just kind of lean back, I might hit it.

I might fall down. All right. Snooze or lose. All right, chat. So, here is how we are going to play this game. This game is about me versus you. I want to know what are the main things you do at night uh in the hours before going to bed. And then we're going to pair one of mine against one of yours. And we're going to have AI judge to see if our if our behaviors, if our actions, if our choices help us fall asleep, snooze, or might keep us up at night and might make it harder to fall asleep, which is the lose. and we're going to go and we're going to see who's got the better sleep hygiene here.

Is it chat or is it Dr. Ali? So, here's what I need from all of you. Chat, this is your time to shine. I want you to put in the chat, what are the main things you do in the hours before you go to bed? What are the main things you do at night before you fall asleep? Um, are you are you watching TV? Are you reading a book? Are you doing work? If so, what kind of work? Are you doing something else? So, put in the chat what are the things that you do uh when you are uh in the nighttime before it's bedtime.

So, what are the things that you do? And we're gonna start off. Um, I made a list here, so I have it made in advance so that you all don't bias me here. Um, boom. The num the number one thing that I do before before bedtime in the hours before bedtime I do this all the time is emails DMs texts. So uh boy can you even read that? I don't know if you can read that. Let's move it. We're moving it closer. There we go. Now it's really close to me.

Oh my gosh. I really got to be careful. Uh I really got to be careful and make sure that this doesn't doesn't fall down. So this is the number one thing I do at night in the hours before bedtime is emails, DMs, texts. I get a lot of DMs. A lot of it is spam. A lot of people who are trying to sell me on uh editing my YouTube videos and making thumbnails. Uh, and then I get a lot of emails and I try not to respond to email throughout the day too much because I I I'm trying to get actual work done during the day and uh it piles up and I feel bad about leaving people hanging.

And then I get a lot of texts from my from my friends, from family and I want to make sure I got back to everyone about those. So, it's a number one thing I do. And I'm going to take one from you all. And let's go to Tina. Tina Musa. I watch videos on YouTube till the phone falls out of my hand. All right. All right. Uh, YouTube videos. All right. Have you guys heard of um have you all heard of the trend of um falling asleep falling asleep on text but being awake on Tik Tok?

It's this whole idea where you you're not responding to texts anymore but you are active on Tik Tok. And sometimes you tell people I'm falling asleep and then they see you active on Tik Tok. or you do that and you're you're swiping swiping and then you end up falling asleep and then you end up DMing people on TikTok even though you've like fallen asleep and you have no idea you do it till you wake up. So I think Tina, you are not the only one here, but let's uh let's have Chat GBT figure out the answer to this.

Let's see. Let's see if this works. Um, all right. Chad GBT, are you there? And do you understand the rules of the game? >> Absolutely. I'm right here and I've got the rules down, Pat. So, every round you'll toss me one bedtime habit from yourself and one from the chat. I'll be the judge and decide which one is a snooze, sleep friendly, and which one is a lose procrastination fuel. And then pick the winner for who's more likely to actually get some rest.

Ready whenever you are. >> All right, I am ready. Here is round one. So for round one for me, I said emails, DMs, and texts, responding to work emails, uh text messages from friends, and random DMs from people. And then from the chat, Tina said, "I watch videos on YouTube till the phone falls out of my hand." So Chad GBT, you judge who who snoozes and who loses this round. All right, Judge Ali is in session, so let's break it down.

On one hand, we've got you answering emails, DMs, and messages before bed. And on the other hand, we've got Tina watching YouTube videos until the phone literally drops out of her hand. Now, both of these are kind of classic lose moves cuz they're not exactly winding your brain down. But let's pick the one that's a little more likely to lead to falling asleep. I'd say Tina's habit might have a slight edge here because eventually if the phone is literally falling out of her hand, it means she's getting drowsy and might actually conk out.

Whereas answering messages and emails can really keep your brain in awake mode and might just lead to more overthinking. So, for this round, I'm calling it Tina with the YouTube videos is a little closer to a snooze because at least she's naughty off you with the messages. That's a lose this time around. But hey, we'll see what happens in the next round. >> I don't like that answer. I I feel like I should I I feel like I should get that round because like I don't know.

I feel like watching a bunch of YouTube videos and it falling out of your hand that feels like less like maybe you're on the couch, maybe you're not even in bed. I don't know. But I also get Chad GPT's rationale there because you are actually falling asleep there. you're watching stuff that does chill you out. Whereas I I definitely am doing something that kind of wires me up and it gets me thinking more about work. It gets me thinking more about worries.

It gets me thinking more about the stuff I have to do. Um I think the emails, DMs, and texts is great if it's like earlier in the evening, but not not before bed. That that is not that is not good. Um yeah, Tina said, "Interesting. I didn't expect that response." Me either, Tina. I did not expect that either. Um, and you say you bore yourself to sleep. So, so I think chat GPT is actually right there. The things you are doing is is actually like actually helping you out there.

Um, and Cal Chad GPT is too realistic. Computers are going to be the death of us. They are definitely these large language models are definitely wired to sound like us and they're very very good with the language stuff. Um, so I I I agree with you here. Um, and and Mi Machine says, "Hey, if your phone fell out of your hand, you succeeded at falling asleep." Absolutely. Um, absolutely. Okay, now I'm going to take Give me another one, chat.

I need more from you. What are the things you do at night? Right now, Chad is winning with one point, but I'm I'm coming back strong in round two. I am coming back strong. Uh, round two. seeking and finding says dual lingo lie on the couch thinking about brushing my teeth um actually brushing my teeth. Okay, so let's let's do this. Dualingo is is uh seeking and finding answer. So Dolingo on the couch. Okay, let's square this up against we're playing snooze or lose right now.

Chat is winning. Um, oh gosh, I am so so boring over here. Um, but we have to-do list. Reorganizing my to-do list. My absolute favorite way of pretending I'm being productive is to reorganize my phone list or my to-do list and um to see what I have to do. Let's let let's let's uh let's let Chad GBT decide. Let's let Chad GBT. All right, we are ready for round two. chat GBT. My answer for round two is reorganize my to-do list, update it with new things I have to do.

Um, make sure I've got a plan for tomorrow. When I do this, it kind of makes me feel better and more organized and ready for the day tomorrow. And meanwhile, we have an answer from seeking and finding. And they said, uh, Dualingo, playing Dolingo, which is, if you don't know, it's an app about learning new languages, lying on the couch, and thinking about brushing my teeth, and actually brushing my teeth. This is what seeking and finding does.

So, Chappie GBT, you are the judge. You tell us who's a snooze and who's a lose. All right, Judge Ally at your service. So, let's break it down. On one hand, we've got you updating your to-do list and getting all your plans set for tomorrow. That's actually a pretty solid snooze move because it helps clear your mind, gives you a sense of control, and gets those lingering thoughts out of your head before bed. So, that's a definite snooze.

Now, let's look at seeking and finding bedtime routine. Playing Duolingo, thinking about brushing their teeth, and then actually brushing their teeth. Now, Duolingo is fun and productive, but it's also a bit of mental stimulation right before bed, which can kind of keep your brain buzzing. And that thinking about brushing teeth step is just adding a little procrastination moment before the actual routine. So, overall, that's leaning a bit more into a lose for sleep.

Verdict for round two. You're the snooze winner this round. Your to-do list routine is more likely to help you fall asleep calmly. So, congrats. You take this round. >> Yes. Yes. Um, I I I um I had a feeling that Chad GBT would side with me. I don't know why Chad GBT keeps saying, "Judge Ali's in session. You're It's you. It's not me." Whatever. Uh, stupid AI. But but this is an interesting one. And I think this is tricky, folks.

This is really tricky because Lori says, "For me, reorganizing to-do lists makes me keep thinking about those things and not letting me sleep." And then um Mi Machine also says, "I can't make to-do lists at night. The urge to complete the list would overtake me." So this is what Dr. Vanessa was talking about earlier in this stream that there's no right answer that u and and maybe if we had more context from sleeping and seeking um seeking and finding, I'm sorry.

Um the it would be different. Uh seeking and finding says, "Congrats. Glad I could give you a win." Thank you. So you might be someone for whom do D do D do D do D do D do D do D do D do D do D doingo is actually a calming experience you like playing all those games. Um for me it would not be like I've used Dolingo and for me it feels more like like work. My wife loves playing um crossword and and um word puzzles right before falling asleep. it kind of like shuts her brain down, which for me it's the opposite.

If I played that stuff right before going to bed, I would actively get frustrated here. So, I I take that round, but I feel like that's kind of a weird round. Uh, and it's it sort of kind of depends. Um, and seeking and finding says, "Completing my Dolingo quest for the day gives me a feeling of accomplishment." So, boom, there you go. It's something that makes you feel pretty good. It makes you feel like you've accomplished something which might help you to go to bed feeling more satisfied and proud of yourself.

All of that is good. Um Vest says, "Dr. Ellie, don't doing those activities that need a proper active brain to do make you more awake? I think planning and writing wakes me up and for some people it chills them it chills them out. Some people love journaling late at night and it's a way to get the stuff that's here out. It's a way to get the stuff that's kind of messy here and bring some kind of cohesion to it. So, there's no right answer here because I think people are so weird.

So, this is a very weird thing to judge this round and I'm glad I had my totally weird situation of AI and judging that from me instead. All right, I had an um another one here that I think is good. Um, nice shell. I watch ASMR videos or listen to podcasts, but maybe they come under YouTube videos tag as well. No, let's let's put this in a separate kind of kind of thing. Um, let's let's take the ASMR and podcast part of it because I that's that feels much more like an audio experience.

Uh, so Nishelle, let's let's have this. So, ASMR plus podcast Now we are going to put this against my number three which was fold laundry. All right, let's bring back my AI. All right. Hey Chad GBT. Um we've got round three and first off you are the judge. I don't know why you keep saying judge Ali. It's you're judging, you know, you Chad GBT, not me. So, for round three, my answer is fold laundry. It's very stressful for me to see a big pile of laundry on the couch.

I hate seeing it. And what I usually do to fold laundry is I'll fold it while um while I'm talking to my wife or while I'm watching TV. And that's something I do. And it makes me feel good to have that laundry pile uh smaller. Um and then we had uh Nishelle say, "I watch ASMR videos or listen to podcasts." And so this is more about the auditory experience of ASMR videos which are soothing, relaxing, calming and and focusing on a on a very relaxing thing or listening to podcasts that are also fun and relaxing and soothing.

So, snooze or lose, who wins this round? >> Absolutely. And yes, I'm stepping in as the judge. No problem. All right, for this round, we've got your habit of folding laundry versus Nex's habit of watching ASMR videos or listening to a relaxing podcast. So, let's break it down. Folding laundry can definitely feel like a nice little decluttering ritual that gives you a sense of calm and order. That can be a kind of mental snooze because it's helping you feel settled.

On the other hand, ASMR or a soothing podcast is pretty classically a snooze activity because it's designed to calm your nervous system and gently ease you into a more relaxed state. So, for this round, I'd say the ASMR or podcast is the stronger snooze activity. It's specifically aimed at helping you wind down. So, Nutshell takes the win here. But hey, folding laundry is still a good bedtime windown habit, just might not be quite as dryly sleepinducing as that ASMR. >> I I I agree with Chad GPT here.

This is intentionally doing something that is in designed to chill you out. Nishelle, I would say that the one thing to to the one caveat here is like what type of podcasts? You can listen to podcasts that are probably about like the news and politics. That would be very stressful, but you're probably not doing that late at night. I am guessing you're listening to podcasts that you find soothing, calming, relaxing, fun, stuff like that.

Nutshell's like, "Yes, let's go. Let's go." All right. What's What's the score here? We got Chat in the lead with two. Ali's not doing too hot. Dr. Ali is uh I got one I got one sad little point here. Um and we are going to round four, chat. Uh give me give me something here, chat. Give me something that you all do at night. and we're going to see is it a snooze or lose. Um, ooh, I've got uh I've got I've got one here.

So, what I am putting here is chat with my wife. We got chat. Oh, no. Don't listen to me right now. Chat GBT, I'm not talking to you. Oh my gosh, she was listening that whole time. Ah, I didn't turn her off. Uh, him, her, them. I don't know. I I don't My AI. Um, so Chad, let me find something here. Um, Invest says, "Yeah, journaling before bed doesn't work for me personally. In my opinion, those are quite stimulating activities, including the logic puzzles, but I agree for the uh sense of accomplishment." Um, all right, chat.

Let me see. Let me see. I want to find I take Buzzfeed quizzes. Hey, Maria. Um, Maria's got an interesting Maria or Mariah. Mariah. Maria. It's Mariah. Um, I get so anxious about saying names here because I don't want to mess up anyone's names. I've had my own name messed up so many times. It's not Alli. It's not Al. It's Ali. Um, also acceptable is Ali, which is how uh my parents pronounce it, but Ali. Ali, like Muhammad Ali, like the boxer.

Come on, folks. So, Mariah 1902 says, "I take BuzzFeed quizzes to stay away from social media at night because social media has news on my feed. Has news on everyone's feed. You can try so hard to control this, but like the the not so nice stuff um comes in and stresses you out. So, Buzzfeed quizzes. This is going to be interesting. I have I have no idea how this is going to play out. Uh, all right, Mariah, let me find your comment here.

Okay. All right, let's to the AI. All right, Chad JPD, you got a round four here. So, my answer for this one is chat with my wife. Now, I really enjoy talking to my wife. And usually when we do this, it's late at night after the kids have gone to bed and it's the first time in the day that we can just sort of relax and talk to each other adult to adult. But here's the thing, sometimes those are fun conversations. Sometimes it's we feel closer to to each other.

Sometimes they're stressful conversations because they're conversations about what are we making for lunch the next day for the kids or it's conversations about like that might lead to a fight. Um there the conversations can go all sorts of different directions, but this is something that I'll do and it'll just be my wife and I talking on the couch for an hour or so. Now, we're putting that against Mariah 1902's idea of um Where'd it go?

Where'd it go? I comment I I saved the right wrong one. So Mariah said, "Where'd you go, Mariah?" Um, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Mariah said, "I take Buzzfeed quizzes quizzes to stay away from social media at night because social media has news on my feed." So, there are a ton of Buzzfeed quizzes out there, Chad GBT. There are some about like what um you know, what character are you from XYZ show? Um, what personality are you?

This or that. Like there's so many like fun, easy to do Buzzfeed quizzes you can do. So, let's have you judge. Chatting with my wife versus Bud Buzzfeed quizzes. What is a snooze and what to lose? >> All right, stepping in as the judge again. Let's look at these two bedtime habits. Your late night chats with your wife versus Mariah's Buzzfeed quiz sessions. So, chatting with your wife is definitely a mixed bag. On the one hand, it can be really connecting and calming.

Sometimes those kinds of conversations are a snooze because they help you unwind emotionally, but like you said, they can also veer into stressful territory if you're discussing logistics or something that turns into a debate. So, it's a bit of a wild card. Now, Mariah's Buzzfeed quizzes are kind of an interesting lose in disguise. They might keep you off heavy social media, which is good, but can still keep your brain a little more alert and engaged in a kind of fun but stimulating way.

It's still screen time and it's still a bit of mental effort, even if it's light-hearted. So, for this round, I'm gonna say chatting with your wife leans a bit more towards a potential snooze, especially if the conversation is cozy and not too intense. But if it's a heavier chat, it could go loose. Overall though, I'd say you win this one because the personal connection at the end of the day has a good chance of helping you wind down as long as it's mostly positive chat.

So, you get the snooze this round. Keep them coming. >> Yay. Okay. All right. I'm back in it. I'm back in it. Chat with my wife beating out the Buzzfeed quizzes. Um I think that one is is My wife probably wouldn't like me seeing this, but I think it's pretty close. I think it's close. And um I'm going to tell my wife that our AI said uh that we should keep those conversations cozy. But I think that's actually relatively good advice.

Um, even though it's coming from AI, one of the things that I should do more with my wife is any work kind of things like family work stuff like making the lunches, organizing for tomorrow. We should probably talk about that early in the evening and then we should move into talking about things that actually like help us unwind and feel close to one another. We don't always do that because time is so limited and so rare for us to just have downtime with each other and sometimes one of us is stressed out.

We have to talk about stressful things, but we should definitely be a little bit more mindful of it. All right. Oh, and so, uh, I saw that over here, um, you said it's Maria, but online it's Mariah. So, I guess Mariah. There we go. Um, and IRL hopefully if we ever meet in person, uh, Mariah, you can let me know that it's Maria in person and IRL meet space out there. So, we've got, um, it's tied. It's tied. That means Wait, wait, wait.

Do I have a Do I have an um a drum roll sound? Um, I guess the closest I have is No, I don't have a drum roll sound. I guess I have this It's kind of kind of what we're looking for, right? Not not 100%, but All right. I need more sound effects. All right, we're going to our last round here. And I already know what we're going to do um from the audience, from the chat. So, Cal Cal G says, "I listen to kids audiobooks, fairy tales." So, kids audiobooks and we're putting that against old Star Trek episodes.

All right, this this is going to be good. This is going to be good. This is for all the marbles. This is for all the cozy credits. All right, Chappie GBT. I got a final round here. The score is Dr. Ali has two points. Chat has two points. It is tied. And this is the final round. This is a tiebreaker round. This is for all the points here. Whoever wins this walks away with all the bragging rights of having won snooze or lose.

So for me, I have watching old Star Trek episodes. These are episodes from Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek Deep Space 9, Star Trek Voyager. They're my favorite series. I've seen all these episodes. I love watching them. It's it's pretty relaxing. It's pretty chill. They never get me fired up because I never feel like I need to watch the next one because I already know what's what's happened. and I just like hanging out with these characters and it's it's a very relaxing, soothing thing for me to do.

Now, we're putting this up against Cal G. Cal G said, "I listen to kids audiobooks, fairy tales." Now, I think this is an interesting one because it's audio, so it's probably a relaxing experience and they're also fairy tales. So, K has is probably very familiar with these stories, much like my Star Trek episodes. Calg probably is very familiar and there isn't that big sense of suspense, but it's probably a relaxing process for Calg.

So, Chad GBT to win the game, snooze or lose, who takes this round. >> All right, here we go. Final tiebreaker mode. This is the big one. On one side, we've got you watching old Star Trek episodes, and that's a pretty solid snooze contender because you know the stories, there's no cliffhanger stress, and it's just a nice familiar, cozy universe. Definitely chill vibes. On the other side, we've got Calg listening to kids audio books and fairy tales.

That's also a pretty strong snooze activity. It's gentle, nostalgic, and soothing, especially if they're familiar stories that don't create any tension. So, both are really great for winding down, but if I have to choose one that edges out just a bit more, I'm going to say Kelly's fairy tale audio books might have a tiny advantage. Why? Because audio only means no screens at all. And that can sometimes be even more of a direct ticket to dreamland.

It's just pure listening and letting your imagination drift off. So, by a slight margin, I'm calling this one for the chat. Calg takes the final round, and that means the chat wins the game. >> Oh, how could you do this? You are my AI. Ah, chat wins. Chat wins. I know, I know. I had to make the tough call, but hey, a little friendly competition never hurt, right? The chat pulled out all the stops this round. But just remember, you definitely gave them a run for their money, and everyone got some great wind down ideas along the way.

So, hats off to all, and we'll get them next time. I I say well played, Calgie. Well well played. Well played. Nicely done. I I I I agree. I think what's cool about the fairy tale audio book is you can start that and you can continue to like making your bed to picking out clothes for the next day, which is like picking out clothes for the next day is super nice for me because when I do that, it makes my mornings less stressful.

It's just one less thing I need to think about in the morning, which makes me move faster. And if I if I'm doing that and I'm listening to the audiobook, I'm getting all my stuff ready, I'm brushing my teeth, I'm changing into my jammies, I'm getting nice and cozy in my pajamas, and then I can go to bed, continue listening to it, so I can extend that time that I'm in this like chill space, which is different from watching a show, uh, watching an episode of Star Trek, which I do in my living room on the TV, on the couch, but then I have to like get up off the couch and Sometimes that's that's a barrier to get getting off the couch and moving to the bed.

So I actually agree with uh I agree with Chad GBT on this. Calg taking it for the win. Uh I'm I'm just glad that uh chat GBT was was pretty fair in that situation. Um and Cal G says, "I like the idea of listening while picking out clothes for the next day." You know what I like? I do like that we have a lot of new ideas here of things that we can try. Um, and Lori says, "You all are doing productive things while winding down.

Maybe we should worry less about doing productive things." But I I think about that tomorrow positivity idea. Like what what can we do at night that makes me dread tomorrow less? Like I I saw this comment in the chat um on on the uh on my channel's YouTube page here and I'm going to pull it up because I think it's it's uh super important. It got me thinking a lot about uh this episode and and I want to make sure I give credit to the actual person who mentioned it.

So um uh Brian Gruner said, "I have no trouble falling asleep. I have trouble uh going to bed on time." And that's one of the things like if I do watch a really really good episode of Star Trek the Next Generation or Deep Space 9, especially Deep Space 9 because it has all these cliffhers, sometimes it's hard for me to get off the couch and it's so easy to just play the next one and I might get stuck on the couch. And I think Calg does have the edge on that.

And the other one, Laffy Bun, Laffy Bun, we miss you. Where are you, Laffy Bun? But Laffy Bun said in the in on the YouTube community page, I dread tomorrow and put it off is such a call out. Holy [ __ ] Um, and I think anything in the evening that makes me dread tomorrow less is a big win. So Lori, to your point, you all are doing productive things while winding down. Anything that makes me dread tomorrow less is going to make it easy for me to go easier for me to go to bed.

And that's how I think about it. So picking out my clothes for tomorrow or getting some of my kids lunch ready tomorrow so I don't have to wake up as early in the morning. Those are big wins for me. Those are going to make me feel much much better. Um, so that is how we play snooze or lose. And clearly the this round goes to chat. Chat wins the game. And we'll play more games next time. All right, folks. That takes us to I got to move this thing.

I this thing I I love it and I hate it because I can't make it smaller than this. If I make it smaller than this, then it's it's it's got this weird shape and it doesn't really fold. And so, let me kind of move this stuff and try not to knock things down. Okay. And we're back. We are back. Uh that was fun. Did we have fun fun playing that? Um now it's time for bedtime stories. Bedtime Stories with Dr. Ali. These are stories to chill you out and make you feel calm and cozy.

It's time for bedtime stories. Got to work on that jingle, too. Here's what we're going to do, folks. I always like having time in the stream where we're doing something cozy. We're doing something to get ourselves a little relaxed. We're doing stuff to make ourselves feel ready for whatever it is. And I'm I'm trying to find the cap for my marker. I can't find the cap. I don't know where it went. I'll worry about that later.

All right. Um, thank you, Seeking of Fighting. I'm glad you like that song. So, we're going to do some bedtime stories. These are going to be short stories that we can listen to, real life stories, stories to kind of chill us out, stories that you all are going to help me pick. And um hopefully these are things you can listen to whenever you need it, whenever you need to feel a little calm, a little relaxed. So I'm I'm shuffling up my cards.

This is from the Moth Game. If you all know the moth storytelling game or the moth storytelling podcast. Um, let me pick one. I'm picking out different different themes here. Okay. I haven't I just picked out four cards. So chat, you are going to determine which story I'm going to tell out of these. I have no idea what I'm about to tell. So spooky. It's October and October for a lot of people means Halloween and it means spooky times.

So, tell us a story about a time you were afraid of the dark. A time your heart skipped a beat. A time when the past came back to haunt you. Oh my gosh, I have no idea what I'm going to what I would do. So, spooky story or karma? Tell us a time about a time you got what you deserved. A time the punishment didn't match the crime. A time you sealed your fate. All right, chat. Do you want a spooky story or do you want a story about karma?

Spooky karma. Spooky karma. Do you want a spooky story? Do you want a story about karma? Spooky story. Story about karma. Chat, you will determine what I do here. So, what kind of story do we want? Nigel says spooky it's October. Seek and finding says spooky. Um Vest says my birthday's in October and I don't like it with spooky. I'd rather hear a karma story. Me machine has the ghost which I think means spooky here. Um karma.

So we have two votes for karma, three votes for spooky. Let's get two more votes in here if we can and then that'll kind of settle things up. Uh because right now Spooky is winning. But if we get one more vote for Karma, it's going to tie things up. Uh let's see. Let's see. What are people going to say? Spooky. Karma. Wait. Karma. Spooky. Karma. Spooky. Going once. Going twice. going two and a half times. All right, it's gonna be a spooky story, folks.

Spooky story. So, what are my options? A time you were afraid of the dark. Okay. A time your heart skipped a beat. Okay. A time when the past came back to haunt you. Oh man. A time you're afraid of the dark. A time your heart skipped a beat. In time, the past came back to haunt you. I'm trying to think here. There's Was I afraid of the dark? I used to be afraid of the dark as a kid. That is absolutely true. And it's it's pretty true for for a lot of kids.

Um a time your heart skipped a beat. That makes me think about love. Um, and that makes me think about crushes. And that makes me think about so many crushes I've had in my life. Um, oh man, there's thinking about crushes and and all of that sort of stuff. A time when the past came back to haunt you. Have I been haunted by things in the past? Um, let's do a time your heart skipped a beat. So, that's that's a little spooky, but it's also not too too scary.

Um, let me think about about this. Um, uh, okay. So, there was a a girl in high school that I This is not my wife. Um, I've I met my wife in high school, but this is before my wife and I were a thing. Um, there was a girl I had a crush on in high school. And I had a crush on her since way before high school, since I was in uh middle school. And I'd known her a very, very long time. And anytime I saw her, she just had this smile that just would make me feel like my heart skipped a beat.

Like I was just so just like like you just kind of want to be in that person's presence, right? And so it was Valentine's Day and I um I found out that she worked at this flower shop nearby. And so I after school I went to the flower shop and uh let's uh let's call her Corey. Uh so I went to the flower shop where Corey worked and um she was like Ali. Hey, what are you doing here? And I said, "Oh, I'm just I'm just getting some some flowers for for someone." And she's like, "Oh, for Valentine's Day." And I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." My heart was just pounding.

I was sweating. I was so overwhelmed. Uh meme machine says, "My heart skips a beat often. I have palpitations." Yes, if you if that happens, talk to a cardiologist. This was not that kind of heart skipping a beat. This was just uh teenage infatuation with a crush. So, I was talking to Corey, this girl I have a crush on at the flower shop where she worked, and I asked her like, "Well, I don't know what kind of flower to get.

What kind of flower should I should I get?" And then she's like, "Well, I don't know this person. Like, what kind of flowers does does she like?" And I said, "Well, I don't I don't know. Uh, well, what kind of flowers do you like? What kind of flowers would would you like to get? I don't know. Maybe that'll help me." And she goes, "Well, I really like these and these and these." And I said, "Hey, Corey, which ones are your favorites?" like if if someone got you these flowers, they would just like you totally melt.

And she's like, "Well, I really like these. These look really pretty. I have no clue what kind of flowers they were. I don't know if they're roses, what they were." I said, "Okay, I want to get that now. What's like a good size to get a size that would like really impress someone." And then she's like, "Well, I would get like this bouquet. I would add these things." Blah, blah, blah. I say, "Okay, okay. I want to get all that stuff." And then I buy it.

And then she goes, "Okay, cool. Well, thanks for coming." And I say, "Hey, Corey, there's something I have to tell you." And she goes, "Huh? What?" And then her face kind of changes. And I'm like, "These flowers are actually for She goes, "Did you buy them for me?" And and I go, "Yeah, these flowers are for you." And she goes, "Oh, thanks, Ollie." And then she kind of takes them. And and then she goes, "Well, um I'm still working for a few hours, so uh can you go like put these in my car or something?" And I go, "Uh, okay." So then she gives me the keys to her car.

And I walk over to the car and put the flowers in her passenger seat. And I go back and I give her the keys and she goes, "Thanks for the flowers." And I go, "Yeah, thanks for the help." and I walk away and it just it feels terrible. Like I felt so stupid. I felt so stupid. Um it wasn't really I don't think it was a very romantic gesture. I thought it was in my head. Uh, and I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but sometimes this is definitely I have many stories like this where I I was so uh I was crushing so hard on someone that I do something so stupid.

Um, maybe you might think like, oh well, I think that was kind of a gutsy thing, Ollie. Uh, and yeah, it was a little courageous and I I definitely uh shooted my shot. What's the past tense of shoot your shot? I don't know what the past tense is, but I did that. Um, and uh, that person I actually ended up um, the next year I did go to the homecoming dance with her and uh, we had not such a great time together. We definitely didn't, it was not meant to be.

Um, it was not meant to be at all, but definitely gave it my shot. All right, one more bedtime story, folks. Let's do one more bedtime story. We have reunion and we have mama rules. So, for reunion, we can do a time your past caught up with you. Okay. A time you didn't kiss and make up. H interesting. A time when reuniting was bittersweet. Okay. versus mama rules. Um, tell us about a time when mama knew best. A time your mother laid down the law.

A time you found a mother figure you weren't expecting. Very interesting. Okay, folks. What do you want? Do you want a bedtime story about a reunion? Do you want a bedtime story about mama rules? Reunion. Mama rules. Reunion. Mama rules. What would you like, chat? You tell me and it's what we're gonna do. Uh, Vess gives the this emoji. Yeah, that's that's kind of how I felt after that that last time. My goodness, that was uh that was a tough one.

Uh, that was a tough one for me. All right, Vest says, "Mama rules." We got one vote for Mama Rules. Anyone Anyone voting for reunion? So, we got reunion, a time your past caught up with you, a time you didn't kiss and make up, a time when reuniting was bittersweet, or we've got mama rules, which are a time when mother knew the best, a time your mother laid down the law, a time you found a mother figure you weren't expecting.

Um, Cal G says, "Reunion." So, we got one vote each here. And then Mariah says, "Mama rules." Uh, we got another vote reunion. Okay, it's tied 22. We need chat to break that tie. Um, mama rules. Tina says mama rules. Uh, so we've got uh going once. Mama rules. Going twice, going two and a half times. I'm stalling so I can have a drink of water. and mama rules for the win. All right. So, uh, prepare a story involving your mother or mothering.

Um, tell us a time when your mother knew best. A time your mother laid down the law. A time you found a mother figure you weren't expecting. A time your mother knew best. A time your mother laid down the law. A time your mother, you found a mother figure you weren't expecting. Let's do a time when your mother knew best. So, uh, this last story was about me totally not connecting with this girl I thought I was totally in love with.

Um, but let's let's talk about someone who really loves me best, and that's my mom. So, when I finished high school, I I barely graduated high school. I was I was at risk of failing out of high school because I The story there is junior year of high school I was uh dating this girl. We broke up right before finals. I flunked all my finals junior year. So my grades were like I was a solid B student and then junior year I was like a DF student and as a result I I got rejected from pretty much every college I applied to my senior year of high school. and I thought I was a like this dumb student and I thought I wasn't going to amount to anything in my life.

Um, and then I went to community college. I grew up in California. We got this great community college system. Um, really great teachers and I took psychology, introductory psychology. And the only reason I took introsy is because it was one of the last classes left open. I could enroll in it. It covered a lot of general ed requirements, but I thought it was going to be like a a stupid class and I got really pulled into it because Professor Gosling first day of class talked about all these myths we have about the brain and how it works and I was so intrigued and I'd always been a sci-fi fan and I um found psychology had all these answers to the questions that science fiction raises.

Well, I would tell my parents about all my sight classes and how much I loved them and enjoyed them. And my dad didn't really get it. My dad didn't really understand it. Uh, and he was very concerned about what the heck I would I do with a psychology major. Like, where would I go? What would I do? And I told my dad, "Well, I don't know. I could get a PhD." And my dad was like, "Beta, PhD? do you know what that means?

And I go, "No." And he says, "Phd means poor, hungry doctor. Do you know what a MD means?" And I go, "No, but I'm probably not going to like it." And he goes, "MD means money doctor. Are you sure you want to become a poor hungry doctor?" So my dad just like did not get psychology. Meanwhile, my mom I would tell my mom about the stuff I'm learning and my mom would lean in. My mom would say like, "Oh, tell me more about that.

That's really interesting." And I would tell her about like the things I was learning about how the brain works. Uh the things I was learning about uh classical conditioning and operant conditioning. And I was like, "Mom, mom, mom, remember when you had that car accident with that big truck and how you developed this like lifelong fear of trucks? Now I know why this happens. It's this thing called classical conditioning and like here's how it all works." And my mom was so excited to learn these things through me.

And then I was so excited to share what I was learning with my mom. And it became this sort of nighttime routine where I would tell her what I'm learning. She would ask me all these questions. And you know what it was doing? It was even strengthening the stuff I was learning. It's elaborate rehearsal. It it was recalling all the information I learned in one context to another. It was strengthening my memories about all the stuff I was learning in school.

And so she made me feel so good about myself just by taking an active interest in what I was interested in instead of judging it or thinking about what are you going to do with this like what is your future going to be. My mom just listened and tried to understand why I cared about this thing so much. And my mom has always done that. Whether it is Star Trek or computers or riding my bike, my mom always always showed um showed a appreciation of what I was into and I love her so much for that.

Um yeah, it makes me miss her a lot. U she's still alive. She's out there, but she she's far away and her health could be much better. Um, so this kind of makes me miss her. I think I feel like I should uh I should go go call her. Nisha says that's a Daisy dad right there 100%. Uh, poor hungry doctor. That's that's that. Um, if you actually want to hear my dad's side of the story, I have a video on this channel about um telling my dad I want to be a psychologist.

So, if you look up on this channel, uh, Dad