I can't believe I have to talk about this transcript

Once again, my hand has been forced to do something I never wanted to do. Look myself up on Reddit. Don't get me wrong, I am a Reddit user just like the rest of us. I'll freaking Google what's wrong with my car? Reddit. But I'm not going to go on there and look myself up because nothing good can come of that. Now, unfortunately for yours truly, a certain Instagram reel came across one of my friends' feeds and of course my friend, just being so sweet, was like, "Wow, I really think I really think she needs to see this.

I think she would like seeing this." >> Bro. >> I wouldn't. In fact, I don't want to see it. Nonetheless, I watched the reel cuz the reel's kind of blowing up. People are tagging me. People are tagging me in the reel and it is on a certain topic of natty or not, kind of getting those wheels turning once again, which is freaking awesome, okay? Do not get it twisted for someone to doubt your natural status. As someone who is natural, that's really a compliment.

Unfortunately, on the downside, the insulting part comes from you think I'm a liar. Is where the insulting part comes from. And one of the only ways, in my opinion, kind of to diffuse it is to basically just be like, "Hey, I actually low-key look like you know? It's like, how could I not be natty? I low-key look like shit." Anyway, I wouldn't take it that far. I think it'd be ignorant to just be like, "Oh my god, I look like I look horrible." because it's not easy to look like this and there's some people, whether it be genetics, life, whatever, [snorts] we're all going to look different, right?

That's fine. Anyway, tying it back in, I don't think I look crazy. I'm not crazy strong. It's always very flattering when someone questions if you use anabolics. I personally don't use steroids. I don't use peptides. I don't use SARMs. I've never used any of those things. I'm always flattered. I honestly don't really know anything about them. So, I've never used them. I've never advised somebody on them. I don't have any knowledge.

So, I cannot advise any other people about it. However, I'm not going to freaking hate on someone if they're doing it, right? But, I'm rambling. So, let's get back to Reddit. So, in this reel, this person is talking about this Reddit post. And I was going to just use the reel. Like, I was just going to screenshot the reel, but bro did not move his head out of the freaking screen. Like, no offense. I create content, too.

I get it. But, I was like, "MOVE YOUR HEAD, BRO. I'M TRYING to see the screen." So, anyway, I just found uh the person's name on Reddit, and I had to type in their username on Reddit in order to find the original post, which is insane. But, let's get into it. I'm not going over this because I'm like trying to defend whether or not I'm natural. First of all, I don't care. I don't care if like random No offense, but if you fall for natty or not analysis, log off.

I wanted to cover this post because first of all, some of the things in here are just I don't know why they said that. I never said that. And some of the other ones, I think they most of these came from that video I made about taking a month off the gym. I was looking at this, and I was like, "Damn, did I really like misrepresent that heavy?" So, I had to go back and watch my own video, which is like the seventh layer of hell.

I was like, "Ugh, watching myself." But, thank you for doing it. Yes, thank you. And I still think that I came across, you know, the way that I wanted to come across, but there were some things where I kept a little vague. I guess I can go slightly more in detail. I'll probably never go full detail, though. I don't know if I want to be that kind of content creator and do like a full detail, but I'll give a little bit more detail.

Let's quickly look a few points down to an important point, which is also wrong. So, let's rectify it quickly. During said month, the month of rest, she lost around 15 lb while also gaining body fat. First of all, you, bro. I I did not gain body fat. When did I say that I gained body fat? And when did I say I lost 15 lb in 1 month? That did not happen. Here's what happened. I said I had lost 15-20 lb. That's what I said.

I thought it took 6 months to lose that weight. I went back in my camera roll to look at when I had weighed myself before. It was a full year. So, the last time I weighed myself at my heaviest, it was February. When I went ahead and kind of started deteriorating aggressively, it was February. So, it took a year. It was like 18 lb. I did not gain body fat. Why didn't I gain body fat? I don't know. Probably because I was quite active.

And thing, the reason why I was losing weight is I wasn't really eating and I wasn't really training very hard. So, I think I lost a lot of muscle. I did not gain body fat, though. I lost muscle and fat, but losing muscle freaking sucks cuz that's not That's not that easy to build. But, you can do it. I'm doing it now and I feel freaking great, but that's what was happening for around a year. Now, so going back to the first point, sudden loss of 50% of strength.

That is simply not true. I was definitely not the strongest I'd ever been at the beginning of that month. I was already quite weak, and I think because I was so weak, I was mentally really like disappointed, if that makes sense, which kind of like destroyed a lot of motivation. Next point on here that I'm going to cover, blamed it on much stress and much CNS fatigue, so took a month off to reset. I went back and watched the video and I did use the word stress.

I also used the word like it was mental. This is 100% my bad. I low-key kind of thought everybody was down with the sadness. That's evidently not the case, cuz I could not believe how many people were so confused with like that saying that. So, I've talked about having a history of an eating disorder before on this channel. I usually don't openly talk about anything else, because I don't want to talk about those things.

So, I have what professionals would call multiple diagnoses. That is because I am an overachiever. I tick every box, good or bad. I'm ticking it, right? So, when I said stress and it was in my head, what I meant is severe and chronic depression. So, that's what that is. I don't know how much I want to dig into that, but when I was making that video, I felt like I'm being transparent. I'm being vulnerable by being like, "Hey guys." I don't know.

I guess people aren't as open to talking about those things within the fitness community as I thought they were, maybe I'm just like I don't know. One of the few, the proud, the mentally ill. And if I'm being honest, I think a really big reason why I personally don't feel comfortable talking frequently about these things. Granted, I really haven't even talked about it in general, and I probably won't. In my mind, that video was That [laughter] video was like, "Hey guys, I also struggle mentally.

It's okay." But apparently, I >> [snorts] >> I just need to clarify. So, I think a really big reason why I don't like talking about those sort of things online is because I think my life freaking rocks. I have a great [cheering] life. So, I don't want to come on here and just be a Debbie Downer and seem, I don't know, ungrateful for the life that I have been blessed with. I don't want it to be like that, especially on the internet.

Like, I don't have to post how I'm feeling. I can just crop it. That's why it's really hard for me to be consistent with my Twitch streams because on Twitch, you're just like live, you know? So, if you're feeling a certain way and you have to actively hide it the whole time, that can be difficult, I believe. So, that's why my Twitch streams kind of suffer, but I'm able to do everything else super regularly because it's just like a different beast.

Next point on here. Also, her acne suddenly cleared up. I found that point [music] in particular so extremely offensive. THAT POINT PISSED ME off more than anything else because Cuz acne did not suddenly clear up. You freaking It took me 2 years. years to get decent. And it's still not great. I'm so I still break out. I'm breaking out right now. And I have a lot of scarring. But now I wear a really nice coverage BB cream.

I have substantially fewer active breakouts. I believe that's because I really changed my skin care routine. I want to say 2022, early 2023, I destroyed my skin barrier on my face by just using way too many products and just I freaked that up. Anyway, it took me a long time to figure it out, but I've honed in on a much better skin care routine for me. If you guys want to If you guys want the details on what really helped improve the quality of my skin, I am more than happy to provide those and make a video if you want to see that.

But I already have a video from 2 years ago when I started using tretinoin. So that was the start of the tretinoin journey 2 years ago, not suddenly. Most of the other points are kind of just reiterating the same thing. So describe being unable to lock in during workouts, muscles weren't feeling engaged, and also described being unable to get a pump. So locate that's like pretty similar, like basically the same thing depending how you translate those things.

Yeah, I wasn't able to mentally lock in. I was having a severe depressive episode, right? >> [screaming] >> I think there's been like a very small handful of times in recent years at least where I just couldn't do it. Like I just could not do it. This time it was really bad. I was really having a moment. So, I did something I never thought that I would do and I allowed myself to rest. So, that was the whole thing. I did something I never thought that I would do and I allowed myself to rest and take care of myself.

Switch the vibe, chill out, relax, bro. And then the last point is still didn't even have her strength back after that time off. Holy crap. No, Sherlock. If you lose 18 lbs, 18 lbs, you surely didn't need to lose. You didn't have 18 lbs to lose. You're either just going to get weaker or you're going to keep trying to push in a certain way and your body's going to take a beating. My body was taking a beating. And my soul And my soul was taking That being said, I had also changed from like 2 years ago, I was doing powerlifting.

So, that was a different style of working out. It was kind of easier to gauge like, "Hey, here's my SBD numbers, you know." I stopped doing those things for at least a year. I think more than a year, maybe like a year and a half, 2 years. A really important factoid that I would keep in mind is my training style changed. So, I wasn't training totally the same and I was also losing weight gradually over time and my mental state was continually deteriorating at the time.

Towards the end, towards the end. Update though, just to let y'all know, I am now gaining a little bit more weight, but I'm not as big as I was at the peak when I was like lifting the peak. My strength is getting pretty damn good though. And I think I am getting some muscle back, so yippee! And my mental is okay right now. Like, I'm pretty okay right now. I think I just wanted to make that video at the time to kind of let people know, and most people did get this as the message that like, "Hey, if you need to take care of yourself in a certain way that maybe it doesn't fit the stereotype of what people usually say taking care of yourself is, that can be okay." That was like the moral of the message.

Um but I don't really think I want to talk about the specificities of like, "Why am I feeling bad?" I don't know. You know, like all things in life ups and downs, ups and downs. But I'm not as down as I was then. That was That was a pretty intense one for the time being. It's been intense before, but it was uh I just couldn't do the damn gym thing, you know? And that's okay. In my opinion, that's okay. But yeah, let me think if I had anything else to say.

I can't really think of anything right now. And I don't want this to come across as like, "Oh my god, she's trying to like cover her tracks" or like something. It's not that serious. I mean, it's a little bit offensive to actively be called a liar, you know? That's crazy. I just wanted to cover these things because I don't want anyone to get to like see this kind of information cuz I feel like someone will see this information.

I saw this random influencer person online talking about like, "Reddit has discovered Lean Beef Patty's secret." Oh my god, get off Reddit, bro. Like, unironically log off. Most of this is just like a statement that doesn't mean anything, and then some of it is just not correct. Like, I never said that. So, I just wanted to say how it was, and I wanted to reiterate again the message from the original video, which was it is okay to do things that are beneficial for you in a moment where you need softness.

You need to take care of yourself. And it might not seem appropriate. Like you might feel like I'm letting myself down. I'm This is wrong. I need to just be stronger. I need to just suck it up and push through it. I don't know. Maybe you can push through it, but maybe you can't. And that's what was happening to me during that time. I could not push through it. So, I gave myself a little break. And the moral of the story was I think it's okay to do that if you need to do that.

Uh if you don't want to do that, don't do that. And yeah, so that's the story. I hope that you enjoyed this rambling. I kind of liked sitting here uh on the floor and just rambling. Hopefully, the editing isn't too hard because I love just not making sense. And then I have to edit it and make some sense out of it, but if you made it this far, I super duper appreciate it. I would love if you would leave a silly comment.

Let's make it loving. Maybe leave a comment with your favorite form of self-care or your favorite coping mechanism. And I hope to see you in the next video. Adios.