Leaving this here… transcript

Hi. Um it's been a while. Um how are you guys doing? Uh how long have I been inactive for? I've been inactive for 2 months. Geez. Okay. Um apart from like the streams and stuff like that, um how are you guys doing? I hope you've all had a wonderful Christmas, wonderful time with your friends and family. And if you don't celebrate it, then I hope you had a wonderful time off. I wanted to sort of like sit down and just sort of reflect on what's going on in my right mind right now cuz I've been quiet, probably quiet for too long, and I think now is the time, you know, to sort of like reflect, bring this year to a close, and just come with a fresh head.

In my head, I'm probably just doing this to sort of take a lift off my shoulders, but I know you guys will probably want to know what's, you know, going to happen with the channel, what's going to happen with the community. And, you know, let me put everything straight. Everything is staying exactly the same way things are going to be. So, I think before I get very emotional again, let's let's just sort of talk about what I want to do for next year.

Um the exciting stuff. What I really want to do next year is collaborate with other people. Like this year has been, you know, just me. Everything on YouTube that I have done is just been me, on my own. Um if you know the game of YouTube, you there's a lot of passion and a lot of energy, a lot of time spent into sort of like creating the content that you know, creators make. And I'm friends with quite a few um creators.

Um so, hello, everyone. Um, much love for all you sticking by me for so long. Um, you know, Magnus has been there for me since the very start, I guess. Um, Jamie, um, you know, I collaborated with him you know, at some point last year. I'll be honest, that's probably one of the best videos that I have personally made just because of how fun it was to make. Um, and also just how natural it felt, you know. Um, nothing felt scripted.

Everything just felt very fun. And if you want to watch it, then I'll link it down below in the description because, honestly, it was a very fun time and I really, really enjoyed that. And I hope I get to do something like that again. But, here's the the problem. Like, all my videos are like, "Can you beat Pokémon this, that, the other?" And that's how I've been doing it for the past 3 years I've been doing YouTube, well, this channel for, I think.

Um, I started this channel when I had COVID, actually. Um, so if it wasn't for that and the fact that Jennifer hadn't supported me, this channel probably wouldn't have existed. Um, and I'm very, very grateful that it is because, you know, it's the one thing that's sort of keeping me going right now. And you know, there's been some really great stuff. You know, we finally finished the shiny only hunt. Um, you know, meeting more creators like Wayfarer, um, who's been a huge support on my live streams.

And I love every minute of watching his. Jennifer's birthday, we went to London and we met Gentle Dude. Um, I watched him perform and that was incredible. It was so, so nice. And now that I've really just sat down and just thinking about it, you know, I'm thinking everything in my head right now. That's my ADHD sort of kicking in. Um, not knowing what to say, but then suddenly knowing what to say and then not just not knowing how to put it into words.

Um I think this year, the past 6 months especially, I've never been so more alone in my life. And the crazy thing is is that I shouldn't because first of all, I've got Jennifer, my fiance. You know, she every time that I'm having to work on the house or do projects here and there or if I'm having to work, >> [music] >> you know, Jennifer is helping me keep this channel going. Um if it wasn't for her, this channel, again, like I said, again, this channel would be completely dead without her because one, obviously, without her input and saying, you know, I should do this.

Um I had COVID at the time and, you know, I wanted to just do something during that time. Um and I'm very, very grateful for the opportunities that it's given me, but I don't have that time to do that anymore. And, you know, it was doing something that I'd love and just not wanting to do it. It hurts. It really, really hurts just cuz I've got more important stuff that I need to be doing. I have a couple of friends who are moderators.

I have Jennifer editing for me every time that I'm either in work and she's off um or I'm doing a house job or something like that. Um you know, without her, these videos would be a lot more harder to make and I'm very, very grateful that, you know, she can't help me cuz she has probably the littlest interest in Pokémon, but she knows how much I love it and I'm very, very grateful for that. I think 6 months ago when we did buy the house, yeah, it was a very, very long process.

We went through three houses and after a lot of, you know, disappointments and upset, we finally got the house and then the sort of reality sort of sunk in when I moved in. It was a huge move. I don't think I was ready for it. Um and that that's the sort of thing that I wanted to say is that, you know, the time that you've got being as a kid, for example, um treasure that time. Because the real world sucks. This channel, this community is sort of like my escape right now.

You know, I get to sit down here, play Pokémon, um do shiny hunting. And bear in mind, the Pokémon community as a whole, I'm not saying this community, but as a whole isn't great. I've seen some nasty stuff get sent around and I don't like it. That is why I've made my community as safe as it possibly could, so everyone is welcome, no matter what, and we just are in it for the love of Pokémon. And that's it. That's all I ever wanted to make.

I feel like I've done that. You know, the ultimate goal was, you know, I originally wanted to, you know, show off a plaque, to just feel proud of myself. And that's a very big ask for me. I don't feel proud of myself in one small bit, no matter how much I've achieved. And it sucks because I should be proud of myself of everything. And in my mind, it's just saying, "No, you've not done enough. You need to keep going." I'm just being too hard on myself and I'm getting emotional again.

You know, my routine is just get up, go to the job that I despised doing, felt so alone, and then come back and but that's it. That's literally just rinse and repeat. That's why I've been sort of like sat down sort of concealing my thoughts and just saying, "Do you know what? I'm going to do a video like this because something's got to change. [music] And you know, change it will be because at the end of the day I want to be able to do what I love doing.

I want to put my interests to, you know, as a passion again. You know, I've built so much love and so much energy into this. And it's just sort of been neglected. I've got two videos just rare rearing to go. I've got one from the DLC that's still I've still not finished playing the DLC just because I've been so busy. We're at that time where you know, my job gets very, very busy and I've said this um you know, year after year.

Christmas is a very hard time for me to upload. You know, um there's a lot more hours that need doing. There's a lot more work that needs doing. Um and yeah, when I pile everything up and up and up and up I've just got to do the priorities. I hate growing up. I really do hate growing up. Kids don't ever grow up. Enjoy life to the fullest, kids. Shh. It's the fun when you get to How old am I? 26. I mean, that's kind of why I wanted to make this video.

Um like just to give a huge thank you to those who truly deserve that. Um to say a huge uh respect and love to friends, family um and anyone who's given me this opportunity. And sort of just to come clean and honest. Ah. I feel I I've as much as I don't sound it, I feel better. I think goals for 26 is game do more collaborations and just catch up on, you know, what I've missed on YouTube. This has been the biggest passion that I've had in a very, very long time.

I love doing it. I always will love doing it as much as I get grumpy at certain points. Um but I won't change it. I seriously wouldn't change it. Part of me has a load of regret not taking opportunities where I could have taken them. Um and I'm regretting everything further down the line. I think I've said everything. Just this whole month I've come home from the job that I hate um absolutely in tears. Um sitting down just contemplating what am I going to do?

But I guess it's just a sort of summarize after all the nasty scenarios that I've been going through this month. Um coming home in tears pretty much every night after work. Um you know, a cyber attack back in the, you know, early parts of the year. Which, you know, put me at a huge shock. Just a lot of regret and a lot of anxiety. You know, nothing's really sort of settled in yet and part of me just wishes I can do better at that.

So, you know, I'm going into this new prosperous year being as dedicated as I possibly can to this channel and just generally having the time of my life doing it. I want to make videos with loads of creators, you know, new people we met and a lot of love was shared and it's great for my PC. It's just sort of cut off. I think I'm going to go I've got to pick Jennifer up now. Um but I just wanted to come clean. I want to be honest.

Take a lot of weight off my shoulders. I'm sorry that this probably isn't the most positive of videos. It certainly isn't. Um but I wanted to be honest with you, sort of open up and say, "Do you know what? I'm putting this behind me. We're closing this chapter. We're opening up a new one. We're back with a bang." Um let me know what you guys want to see as well because, you know, as much as I like doing the, you know, can you beat Pokémon stuff, you know, there's times where change is sort of healthy.

Um I I sort of did that with Pokémon Scarlet and Violet. And then when I sort of changed it over from Scarlet and Violet to Sword and Shield to Legends Arceus and then sort of doing that rotational loop. Um as much as it was good up here, I wish I just stuck at Scarlet and Violet. And I just need to look after myself more. I get in trouble by my main moderator who I know is going to kill me uploading this and mentioning it.

But, Rose, thank you for putting up with all my shenanigans and Jennifer's shenanigans and and being the arm that I sort of need to punch when I really need to. So, thank you. You know, all the content creators for giving me ideas, support, all the new ones who I've loved meeting, all of you guys for supporting me through the very beginning or at the very end, whichever one. Um it doesn't matter. You guys have been here, you know, through this journey, all of us together.

And we brought this community as one and I'm very, very grateful for that. The Pokémon community, like I said, sucks um in general. There's a lot of nasty stuff out there. And, you know, this is just a safe haven for all of us to be by. Mainly for my family for helping me with the move, helping me with the office, and, you know, believing in me when I couldn't. And also to Jennifer, my fiance. I couldn't have done anything without her.

She's been my rock, my world, always pushing me to new adventures, new boundaries, and I like that. Right. On that bottom shelf, before Jennifer actually shouts at me for not picking her up, thank you for this um rather strange year. Um thank you for sticking up for me, being supportive on the streams and that. It's been a very wild, emotional ride. I wish it could have been better. Um and that's what I'm going to change for next year.

So, thank you for listening. Um thank you for accepting me being vulnerable today. And uh yeah, I'll I'll see you very soon. Take care. Bye-bye.