Chasing Happiness… transcript

So, I was listening to a very well-educated, very successful, very well, you know, very well-rounded man the other day, about 68 years old. He's done a lot of things, seen a lot of things. And I was listening to this kind of story where somebody asked him, you know, what do you want your legacy to be? And I thought to myself, well, he's obviously going to say, oh, you know, I have my legacy is my my business, my money, it's all this stuff that I've done.

And I'm like, that's what he's going to say, right? But no, you know what he said? He said, well, first off, think about the most famous person, right? Just think of one famous person. Think about anyone you want. I don't know. The Queen of England. Right? Think about it, okay? And then think about this, like how many times per day do you think about the Queen of England? Right? She's really famous, you you know who she is, but do you think about her?

Do you care like at the end of the day? No, you don't. So, he said, the only thing that he cares about, the only legacy that he's worried about is what, you know, his family, his two sons and his wife. And to be honest, like I was I was I was I was like, what? What are you talk What? What you're What? You're telling me that like after all this, after you've built a hundred billion-dollar company, the only thing that you care about your legacy being is your two sons and your wife?

And I had to like kind of sit with that for a minute. I had to think about that. And, you know, I kind of looked at my life, and I looked at like where I'm at, and I thought to myself, I'm like, man, for so long I have been obsessed with chasing this imaginary freaking dream that like, oh, I've got to win, I've got to get this, I've got to get this car, I've got to buy a house, I got to travel, I got to make so much money, I've got to get the subscribers, I got to do all these freaking things.

But the truth is, like what what does any of it What does it of it matter if you don't have the most simple, the most raw human like thing in the world and that's love, right? If you don't have love, if you don't have someone who loves you, then what is the point in having anything at all? And I wanted to make this video today to talk about, you know, kind of like what I've been going through the last few months because I don't think it's been very clear because obviously like I don't like kind of go through it always and and talk about everything, but people have obviously noticed, right?

People have noticed that I stopped kind of posting Victoria, you know, I stopped talking about Victoria and then I talked about how we kind of broke up 2 weeks ago. And you know, the chat's always like, "Where's Victoria? Where's Victoria? We love Victoria. Where's Victoria?" And I'm like, "Oh, oh, oh." And to be honest, like we went through just like a really kind of like bad patch, like a a bad time in our lives. The last few months, it's been really rough, it's been really rocky, and you know, I I put a lot of the blame on her because in my head, in my in my brain, you know, my like in my main in my man brain, I'm like, "Well, I got her the dream house in in Newport.

I got her a a Porsche. She flies on private jets. She gets anything she wants, she has it." But the one thing that she wanted more than anything at the end of the day was was me, right? She wanted my time. She wanted my presence. She wanted me to be present with her. And it's it's kind of crazy to think about cuz I'm like, "So you're telling me this whole time I've been chasing this dream of making money and buying all these things, but deep down the one person that freaking loved me more than anything, she didn't care.

She just wanted me." And I think I got very, very lost, right? Like lost in the sauce. And And this is not the first time this has happened, to be honest. Like you know, I I moved to Hawaii thinking that I was going to go, "Oh, I'm going to go move to Hawaii and find this new life and I'm going to make it all better and everything's going to be great, you know?" And oh, blah, blah, blah. And I went to Hawaii and And guess what?

I came back to Florida. You know? Cuz like it I sat there in Hawaii and I was lonely. And I'm like, "This Well, this is not it. It's not what I dreamed of. It's not what I wanted." So, I came back to Florida and you know, magically, miraculously I somehow, you know, crossed paths with Victoria. And you know, when we first started dating it wasn't like it wasn't anything like I guess like I guess the best way to put it, like we were we were two people.

We had our own lives, but the like every time we were together, whenever we were together, it was like the the whole entire world stopped. Right? Everything else is like was non-existent. But then when we were together, it was like, "Okay, life's normal." But we would be together again. I was like, "Wow, like this you know, this is this is weird. This girl is like this is a weird thing. Like why why do we feel this way?

Does she Is she actually like into me? Am I Like what is going on here?" And pretty quickly we figured out. We're like, "Okay. Like I I I think, you know, I think I love you. You Like hopefully you love me." And I I like I feel this. I feel this very real connection with this person that to be honest, like you know, we're we're very different, right? Like we're kind of the yin and the yang. Victoria wants to go and watch the sunset and like enjoy amazing food and relax and and live and and breathe and enjoy time with people, right?

That's like That's what she loves. That's what she wants. That's what she desires. And then me, I'm like I'm like, "I don't want to go sit at some dinner for 5 hours talking about whatever bullshit." Like I'm like, "No, I want to blah, blah, blah. I just want to go and get eat food." And And crazy part is like I remember like recently I told her. I was like, "I'm tired of dinner. I don't want to go to dinner anymore.

I just want to to eat food and I want to go to like like just so childish, right? And And for a long time I was convinced that, you know, buying her everything she wanted, just just giving her those things, that everything else didn't matter, right? It didn't matter that I didn't want to spend time with her. It didn't matter that I I wanted to go off and do things for 3 weeks and not see her. And and it it's sad, right?

I look back at it and I'm like embarrassed cuz I'm like so this whole time I've been obsessed with something that that that that didn't even didn't even like impress her, right? Like she didn't care about those things. She didn't want those things. She just, you know, wanted me. And to be honest, like we we kind of went through this patch where we just stopped communicating, right? Like it got to a point like I would I would trade, I would go smoke some weed, look at my phone.

Like we wouldn't even talk cuz I was just like I in my own little zone, my own little world where I was just like obsessed with anything but just simply being present with her. We'd go to dinner and I would sit on my phone the whole time texting people about work or whatever is going on Twitter or whatever, you know, weird thing I was arguing with someone on Twitter about like just the most pointless just like absolutely pointless things ever.

And it it kind of festered and it built and it built and it built and like I do I do want to make it very clear like there there nothing that either of us did was like I would say unforgivable, right? Like neither of us did anything that some people would like, "Oh, you can't forgive that person." Like it was never like that. Like it was simply like we would just argue because like I I wasn't present, right? And then she would drink and then it would end up like obviously making things way worse because when you know, maybe we were drinking, maybe then she would you know, tell me how I'm you know, hey, you never you never spend any time with me.

And then I'd be like, well, you're drunk. You don't know what you're talking about. You know, you don't know what you're talking about. And I think, you know, I really like to be honest, like I pushed her into this like this dark hole where it was just like, okay, like don't worry about me, Victoria. You just you do your thing. And then it just got worse and it got worse and we just got to the point like we couldn't even communicate at all.

Like we couldn't even be in the same room without like her or or myself like we would fight about something. And like I said, like nothing that we did was like nothing was like unforgivable. Nothing was out of the like, oh, wow, you can never go back. Like it was never like that. Like I you know, I would never one, I would never I would never hit Victoria. I've never hit a woman my whole life. Like that's one thing that I would never do.

So, it was never anything like that. Like we never cheated. Like like it would just everything was amazing. I guess like outside of the communication, to be honest. Like and and just the way that I treated her and and and you know, be and be and be there for her. You know, like she started her business and I started the BDH and like at one point like we felt like we were the [ __ ] the biggest and the largest and we were together, right?

Like we were like the power couple. Like everything was so good. Life was so good and like we were so happy and we've had like we've had so many freaking amazing times together. Like I don't even I can't even count how many amazing times we've had together. Like just absolutely just mind-blowing. Like people have never experienced the the love that we have for each other, the passion that we have for each other. Like when when we're good, like there's nothing better and I know that for a fact.

And and that's why I'm so confident that like at the end of the day like what I want from here on out like what I want is not to keep chasing the next great thing. Not to keep chasing whatever the next thing is in life. But to truly be like, "Hey, I want to build something with Victoria, right? I want to build a life. I want to build a life where like it's rock solid. It is it the foundation is impenetrable. Because like we have that communication.

And no matter what happens, if I lose all my money, whatever happens in life, like anything that happens, it won't matter because deep down it's like we know that like we're there for each other. And I know that through this whole part like Victoria has always been my biggest supporter, right? She's always been the person that's like in my corner. She's the one that says, "You can do it. You know, I love you. You anything you can do you dream and you can be happy." But there was a point where I just like I stopped caring about her.

And I only cared about myself and I only cared about what I was doing. And I didn't include her in my dreams. I didn't include her in the plans. And I think it got to the point where she just was like, "I'm I can't live like this, right? I can't keep living like this. And I can't just I can't just keep supporting you while you give me nothing, Patrick." And you know, looking back like I I'm I'm mad about it, right? Like I I might sound a little like angry right now cuz I'm like I'm mad at myself because deep down inside of me a little boy, right?

Like there's a little boy in me that was selfish. That was running away from whatever imaginary belief or whatever thing that he had like, "Oh, you know, I've got to be this character on YouTube and I've got to be crazy and I've got to go buy a helicopter and I've got to do this and I've got to do this." But like what if what if deep down it's like all I really truly had to do was just like be present, like communicate, to love, to like be in the moment.

Like I think if I would have just done that then we would we'd never would have gotten to where we got to. And and I know for a fact that like I said, like we've been just on the moon before. Like for months we've been on the moon. Like we've been so freaking good for long periods of time. But there have been obviously ups, there's been downs. Like everyone's going to go through it. I think it's hard because obviously like I'm I live in a very public life where everyone kind of sees it, you know, like oh well Patrick's not posting Victoria anymore.

Patrick's not talking about Victoria. Oh, Victoria's not posting about Patrick. And it's like oh, like everyone sees it, right? And it kind of gets micro it's like a mic it's like a mic uh magnifying glass. Like everyone sees that. And and and the worst thing going through this whole part is, you know, losing Victoria um you know, was was very eye-opening. And and I think that we kind of had to get to this point where you know I I needed a reality check, right?

Like I needed to like truly be like damn. Like I [ __ ] up, you know? Like I made a bad choice here. Like this is this is not like this is not good. Like I I can't I can't live like this. I can't do this. I can't be without her, you know? Like I needed to like get to that point. I needed to like feel that. And you know, I hope and I pray that like deep down she knows that like that's how I felt and she and she knows that like I I have always loved her.

And even when I you know, I was distant, even when I I wasn't giving her the attention, like there was not like I didn't I never stopped loving her. I just stopped putting in the work, right? I stopped putting in the time because I thought I was like oh well, we've been together for almost 3 years. Like why do I need to sit on the couch with her? Why do I need to go to dinner with her? Why do I need to you know, why do we got to go for a walk?

Just the like the just the most childish, like selfish, just like sad sad just things that I would do. And you know, finally it just got to the point where I was like I can't. I like it was it's crazy cuz like I broke up with her, right? Like That's [ __ ] crazy. Like the crazy part is like I broke up with her because I was like, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep fighting with you. I can't keep fighting with you.

But the whole time it's like she she wasn't we weren't fighting. She was just like she just wanted wanted me. She wanted like me to be present for just a moment. Just to like understand like how she was feeling. And I think I just got like lost in the sauce, right? Like I got lost in this dream of like, oh, I got to I got to be this man. I can't listen to a woman. Can't can't can't be spending time with a woman walking around not working.

I got to be working. I got to be making money. If I'm not working, I'm not making money. And and to be honest like that's just it's not healthy, right? It truly isn't cuz it all goes back to like I said, at the end of the day like what is the point of all this? What is the point of any of this? I mean, the point of of it truly is like find who find someone you love and never let them go, right? And and somebody might be like, but you guys broke up.

Like there there's no you know, you can't go back now. And it's like yeah, but if I know for a fact that like Victoria loved me and I loved her and we've had the the best of times. Like why can't we continue on? Why can't we work at it? Why can't we just fill each other's cups, right? Like why can't I be the boyfriend I that she ever that she always wanted me to or she knows I I can be or she like I I don't think she would have ever been with me if she if she if she didn't, you know, at one point like see it in me or believe it or vice versa.

And and and like I just wanted to make this video cuz I obviously like people are going to always kind of believe what they want and see what they want. They're like, oh, he's an [ __ ] Oh, he cheated or oh, he you know, he's a he's a terrible person blah blah blah, but it's like honestly like we just stopped It's crazy cuz like we just stopped communicating, right? Like I kind of put Victoria in a bad place, kind of like drug her to California chasing like whatever my you know, dream was.

And then the result was basically her, you know, wanting to obviously like spend time with me, but at the same time I was like, "Nope. I got no time for you. I'm busy. Don't Don't bother me. I'm working." Whatever it was. And I like just creating excuses, just like nothing but excuses. And I really I I really want anyone out there watching this, you know, I want any like her friends or family or whoever's watching this, like I want them to know that like I love Victoria more than anything in the world, right?

I truly do. And I would never do anything to hurt her like you know in any way other than obviously like what's happened recently. And And And And it hurts, you know, it hurts to know that like I put her, you know, we broke I broke up with her, put her through all of that, you know, and and and said the things that were said online or or vice versa or whatever. You know, I can't we can't go back in time now and we can't change that, but like I I I think this is like kind of a way to like hold myself accountable moving forward in the future.

Like if there ever was an opportunity to to to to you know to try to to try to fix things, try to move forward. Like if there is that opportunity, well then like this is me saying like I'm going to put in the work, I'm going to spend the time. Like I I want to be that, right? Like I I I'm tired of just being a little boy. You know, I think that's that's the moral of the story. Like for so long I've just been a little boy.

I've been a child. I've been selfish. I haven't given back what I've received and and uh Yeah, it's real, man. I feel I feel the most like the most embarrassing part is like the kind of the way it all ended and you know, for her family and for everybody, like her friends. Like it was it was never my intention to kind of do it the way that it all went down, but I think I've just been really really good at basically just making things so bad and like, you know, oh, I'll just say mean things and people will just leave me alone and I won't have any feelings and and I'll just go and start a new life and just go live and do something else and no one will, you know.

I know I'm It's not there's there's nothing I can say to to make anyone believe what I guess what I'm saying here, right? Cuz at the end of day it's like only actions will prove prove that and I hope that, you know, the actions that people see, you know, even here on YouTube like I talked about recently like I mean, I want to be better, you know, like I want to try to like be a better person on YouTube. I want to kind of get rid of some of the bad parts of the character, you know, like get rid of the the just I there's things that can be that can be better, you know, and I think I need to find a very clear line where it's like, hey, this is my real life.

Like This is my real life. This is the YouTube character. Right? And at the end of the day, the YouTube character pays for my real life. The YouTube character is a job. It's just it's a 9-5. Everything else outside of this place, outside of the BDH, that's my real life. I can't I can't act like I'm on YouTube when I talk to people in real life. Like I can't I can't be angry that someone wants to spend time with me. I can't be angry that my freaking girlfriend just wants to sit on the couch and watch a movie, right?

Like, that's that is the the craziest part about this whole thing. Like I said, like we we weren't fighting about anything bad. We're just fighting about simply not spending time together or not giving her attention or not being present, right? Like, I'm doing all this crazy stuff and then when I am with her, I'm just on my phone the whole time like texting and looking at [ __ ] going on Twitter, whatever. Like, it's it's a it's a problem, right?

And And the only thing I can do now is I can change. I can draw the line. I can say, "Hey, instead of running away this time, I'm going to build, right? Like, I want to build a life with Victoria. I want to build a future. It it's not going to be easy. Like, I'm sure there'll be more ups and downs along the way, but like choosing her, building that foundation, choosing love, choosing communication, choosing to like no matter what happens, know that like, "Hey, I love you, you love me, we're going to get through it." That's all.

That's like that is literally the only thing that I can do, right? As a man, it is my job, it's my duty, it's my my responsibility to set the tone, right? I've got to show her the love so that she can give the love. She's got to feel secure. She's got to feel that I am there for her. If I'm not there for her, if I'm not giving her any attention, then what the [ __ ] is the point of being with me, right? I'm just a little boy.

And and and I and I and I want to say like I've been I'm like ashamed that for so long like that I ever believed anything different and that I preached anything different, right? Like, and I've and I've said just stupid things over the years about, "Oh, you don't need relationships. [ __ ] girlfriends." Blah blah, but it's like if you find someone that you freaking love, if if you find someone that loves you back, like you hold on to that and you fight for that.

Like, that is what it's about, right? The money, the fame, the whatever, the accolades, they don't mean [ __ ] Because I guarantee you the day that you're laying on your bed, you won't be thinking about any of that [ __ ] You're going to be thinking about the one person that has loved you and loved you and you loved back for how many years, right? And that's where I'm at now. I've realized that I want to be better. I want to take get to that point.

That is my goal, is my dream, and I'm making it clear that like I I'm turning the page here, people. I'm trying to get to that next point in life. And I think that is where it starts, right? I've got to build a foundation with the person that I've loved, and I've got to move forward from that. And everything that's happened in the past, like yes, we've had amazing times together, we've done amazing things together, we built two amazing businesses together, we had an amazing life together.

But I still I wasn't there, right? Through all of that, like I just I wasn't present. I didn't support her when she needed me. I wasn't a uh uh uh you know, an ear to to listen. I just wanted to talk and I just wanted to do my thing and I I wanted just I wanted me. I wanted my cake and I wanted to eat it, too, and I wanted to be a little kid. I wanted to be a little child and not a man. And the only thing that I can do from here on out is to be a man, and and that's what I'm going to do, right?

Victoria, I [ __ ] love you and I want to be everything that you've ever dreamed of and everything I've ever dreamed like I want all that. And and and again, I want to apologize like deep down to anybody out there, her family, her friends, you know, anybody out there. Like I want to apologize for you know, anything that I said or anything that I did um you know, when I just I was going through it. I'm going to be honest like I I was just I was going through it.

The idea like when we were breaking up and everything like it was it wasn't it wasn't easy, you know? And I think people just think that like oh, well, he just you know, he's a [ __ ] living the dream, but I went through like a really dark time in these last couple months and you know, and it's just it's not been healthy for either of us. And um I'm honestly I'm making this video just to like have some kind of accountability for myself and and also for people out there to watch and be like, "Damn, like that's the truth, right?

Like sometimes choosing love, choosing the person that maybe hurt you or the person that you love, like it ain't always going to be easy, but like the grass is always going to be greener where you water it, right? The grass is always going to be greener where you water it. So, I mean, if that's the truth, then why would why why run away? Why like why why run away when life gets hard? Like when it gets hard, that's that's when you got to you got to buckle down.

That's when you got to grab and growl. That's when you got to get it done. And you got to and like I said, like being a little boy, right? I've been a little boy, I've been a little child for a long time and and I I'm I guess I'm I'm embarrassed. I'm in shame I'm ashamed of that. But like I said, like there's like I can't I can't go back in time now. You know, if you truly if you love somebody, all the thing you can do is just let the world know and [ __ ] put in the work.

That's all. So, again, I I want to like deeply apologize to anyone out there that, you know, I said anything to or any kind of things that arose. I you know, Victoria's family, they they've been really really amazing to me for for the last 3 years that I've known Victoria. I've loved them. We've had a great time together. We've had a lot of really good times together and you know, the last few couple weeks have been very difficult.

They've been very rough and and I I just hope and I pray that like anybody that's watching this kind of sees it as like, "Hey, you know, you don't have to forgive me, but at least you can hold me accountable and be like, 'Well, you know, if he does what he says, if he truly does what he says, well, maybe there's a chance that we can forgive him and maybe we can, you know, give him an opportunity to to show us that he's serious, right?

He He truly does want to change and and wants to to be the best that he can be, you know? Get rid of the little boy and and be a man. That's That's it. That's what this whole thing's about, right? Getting rid of my childish dreams and [ __ ] and just buckle down. Right? Be a man. And it's funny cuz like I think being a man and like being in love and like all the things that I like The crazy part is Victoria would never stop me from doing anything that I like my dreams, right?

Like she's my biggest supporter. But I got to the point where like I just didn't let her support me. I did I wasn't there for her. I didn't talk to her. I didn't put in the time. Like I was just selfish. And then I blamed her when we fought because like well, I can't I can't do this because you're we're fighting all the time. And it's like the whole time the reason we're fighting is because we're like I'm not giving her any time and we've got no communication.

So, that's like the biggest realization is that like if I put in if I build the foundation, right? If I build the foundation and it's [ __ ] it's thick and it's solid, then the sky is the limit, my friends. So, for anybody out there, if you're at that point where you're like I don't know if I'm going to give up or if I'm going to stop or whatever it is, I think sometimes you got to say, "Hey, maybe it's time that I just be a man, right?

I set the tone. I'm going to I'm going to make this work, right? I'm going to put in the time. I'm going to put in the effort and I'm going to show everybody that like I I can do this and that I can be, you know, the best version of myself so that I can love somebody and somebody can love me and and I can be happy and and have a a strong, you know, strong relationship. One of the I think that's the secret, right? Just You got to love somebody, you got to choose them day in and day out.

Just keep choosing that person over and over and over.